This post was inspired by a post I read on Black Girls Are Easy, a guilty pleasure of mine, called “Dating vs. Come Over and Chill.” After reading it, I asked myself a recurring question in my mind and among my peers - what is a date?
Some time ago, after going on a mediocre first date with a guy that I wasn’t super excited about, I asked one of my girlfriends if what we did should be considered a date. He was a gentleman, albeit a little rough around the edges, but a nice guy nonetheless. I had gotten all dolled up thinking we were going to a bar where there’s at least music, drinks and fun, but we ended up at a quaint
deserted Italian food eatery (not restaurant) which boasts the “best pizza in town” and cheap wine. My date wore sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt, and looked as though he had just rolled out of bed. Clearly, he had not put much thought OR effort into choosing his attire for the evening. I was insulted. Part of me wanted to leave just on GP, but I had already wasted my gas driving to meet him, so I decided to at least try to “break even.”
I wondered if I was selling myself short by going out with a guy who was self-sufficient, but who obviously couldn’t afford to “treat me” in the manner in which I had grown accustomed. However, even if he could not “afford” to wine and dine me, does the fact that he did not try, by any means necessary, to scrape up enough money to take me on a fabulous date mean that he didn’t feel I was worth it or was he just doing the best he could with what he had?
Recently, on an episode of Say Yes To The Dress, a woman was engaged to marry a man she had never met in person. These two were so confident in the relationship they built in cyberspace over a matter of months that they waited until their wedding day to actually meet for the first time. Does this mean that their online courtship was not dating? In this context, is chatting online or Skyping a date? Is talking on the phone ever considered a date?
I have been invited to “chill at the house” as a first date, but I declined. The only reason I never consented though was for safety reasons (unfortunately, I saw For Colored Girls…), not because I didn’t consider an invitation to ”chill” a date. I’m still not sure how to classify the proposition to “come over and chill” though. Is it a date only if he cooks?
Men who don’t make a great deal of money seem to be the ones trying to capitalize on the “come over and chill” date, which leads me to revisit a question incited by a letter from one of my readers, Should Broke Men Date?
What is the definition of a date? In order for time spent with another to be considered a date, what must occur? Some activity? The spending of money by the courter, not the courtee? Does food have to be involved? Must it take place away from one’s residence?
Guys, can a woman tell how “into her” a guy is based on what their first date entails or is there no real tell-tale sign? Ladies, would a guy who put in minimal effort on the first date get a second date? Does a man have to spend a certain amount of money for him to be considered dateable?