1) I’m doing me: What does that mean? No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative…but, actually it’s not. [Who else would you be “doing?”]
2) Only God can judge me (usually after doing something deplorable): I blame hologram Tupac; and I guarantee if you go and try to rob a liquor store, you’ll find out the hard way that this is simply not true.
3) Ninjas/Niggaz: How about we just do away with this word and any variation of it altogether? Pleeeeeeease
4) Bishes (or writing “chex” and “heaux” instead of “sex” and “ho”): How old are you? If you want to say the word, just SAY the word. Are you afraid your mommy’s going to give you a time-out? Just so you know, spelling it differently doesn’t alter its meaning or its effect.
5) Refuse to use punctuation: Punctuation is to be used in conjunction with the English language. It will never become obsolete, so stop trying to eliminate it from your everyday lives, as though, if you don’t use it, it will cease to exist.
6) Tell people off passive aggressively on Facebook (usually coupled with #3, #4 and #5) like so: “Haters gon hate why don’t you get off FB and confront me like real woman that’s rt cuz yous a fake azz wanna be who wants to be ME if you don’t like what i have to say on MY page than unfriend me…bishes be actin brand new.” [First of all, who are you even talking to? Secondly, if you feel that way, why don’t you just unfriend THEM?]
[I think people do this for attention because shortly after they rant, they receive a ton of comments from other FB friends attempting to calm them down] “don’t let theses heauxs get u down keep yo head up” [or co-signing] “thats rt, they don knew u…ninjas be hatin”
7) Use a random/bogus middle name in their Facebook profile: e.g. Lisa “PrincessandtheFrog” Johnson or Craig “YouaintboutthatLife” Patterson.
8) Acronym an entire sentence: “idk wth…ijs yolo brb” [and we wonder why so many kids these days can’t spell; they’re using acronyms all day!]
9) Get in people’s faces and cock their finger like a gun when they’re arguing: Like so…
10) Walk into an office on a Friday, loudly quoting the film, Friday, specifically the line, “Imma get you high today cuz it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job and you ain’t got sh** to do” [this actually happened]: If you work in a professional environment, this is probably not going to be a good look.