male box, relationship rhetoric

Is a Good Woman Really That Hard to Find?


When discussing, love, relationships and marriage, the widely held notion that ‘a good man is hard to find’ is often revisited.  However, more and more, I have heard men reciting the same, except in reference to finding a good woman.  Recently, the topic was raised in the comment section of an article, courtesy of The Urban Politico, “Smart and Cute Is Hard To Find.” The article began as one advocating for men and women to have lists stipulating what they are looking for in a partner, so as not to waste time dating people who don’t fit the mold.  But, quickly the conversation turned when the author stated:

I’m amazed at how many men I hear complaining about not being able to find a “good” woman. All I know are smart, talented, funny, beautiful women.  These women are diverse, creative, educated, fun, and most importantly single.  I never understand how a man has trouble finding what he is looking for in a romantic partner.

Now, when I read this part, I admit, I nodded to myself in agreement.  Looking around me, I see numerous women, not just my friends, who seem to be “good women.”  Then I realized, most women think their well-to-do, self-sufficient, sweet and presumably selfless single friends are amazing, and should not be as single as they are.  I share her sentiments in that I think many of my single friends are great catches, but what another commenter so eloquently pointed out is that, I don’t know how my friends conduct themselves in relationships.  I’d like to think they are everything I assume them to be, but the truth is they could be self-absorbed, psychotic androids who deserve to be single for the rest of their lives.

For all intents and purposes, is she a “good” woman??

‘Who wouldn’t want you,’ we ask our friends rhetorically, not taking into consideration that we don’t really know our friends, and even family, as well as we think we do.

We feel about our friends the way mothers feel about their children – we see the best in them. We want what’s best for them. We think they’re beautiful even though others may not.  We don’t have to be around them all the time the way a significant other might, so we may not understand that, at times, they can be annoying, boring or just plain mean.

Maybe she wets the bed or has an incurable disease. Maybe she stinks.  The truth is, I just don’t know.  That being the case, I finally understand men’s frustration when women act as though good women grow on trees.

But even after considering all this, most men claim to be “simple creatures,” so how is it that finding a good woman has proven to be so difficult?  Does Chris Rock just about cover it when he says men want food, sex and silence? If so, I find it hard to believe that at some point in their early 20s or 30s, most men haven’t encountered a woman that would give them just that.  So, what’s the problem? Why is a good woman so hard to find when men claim to want so little?  The author quoted above seems to think it’s because men really don’t know what they want, hence the suggestion to make a list.  What do you think? What is the definition of a “good woman?”

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Discussion

71 thoughts on “Is a Good Woman Really That Hard to Find?

  1. I had a very similar discussion with my best friend recently. I told her that she wasn’t crazy, the guys she dated were the ones almost always in the wrong, but after taking a moment to think about what I’d just said, I added “at least that’s what I think based on the limited view I have of your relationships.” She gave me a weak “thanks.” I suppose no one wants to hear that there’s even a chance that they could be the problem, but the only people who really know what goes on in a relationship are those two people. This realization has helped me learn to keep my opinions to myself– most of the time, because at the end of the day, I’m only getting part of the story.

    As for your question, about the definition of a good woman, I really hope the men chime in on this one, because I fall into the category of “well-to-do, self-sufficient, sweet and presumably selfless single” women. For that reason, I’m pretty sure I’m biased. :)

    Posted by Miss Me | August 29, 2012, 10:03 PM
    • Exactly @Miss Me. I’d really like to know what exactly constitutes a good woman too.

      Even I know that my friends lie about what they will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and what goes in behind closed doors is usually a different story, so it’s hard to give truly unbiased relationship advise when you’re on the outside looking in! Glad you decided to join the discussion :-)

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 12:14 AM
      • TO @MissMe – If there is one thing I know, and that is, a loving, committed, and long term relationship is hard to find and/or accomplish. I think it’s that way because that type of relationship is considered very special and hard to come by. We as human beings desire to obtain a relationship like that, but as we know by now, it’s difficul to come by because it is so, so special and rare.

        Rarities are attractive to us, but the fact that it is a rarity lets me know right away that it would be difficult to obtain it. And I have to say, most of us will never find that rare love because it’s not meant for all of us to have it. I know that sounds awful, but I find it to be true. The most we can do is try to aspire to it, but unfortunately most of us will fail to acquire it. Why? I’m not sure excactly. Perhaps it’s because as humans we are so complex and indifferent in our beliefs and behaviors.

        And just because you may know people who have been together for many years, don’t just assume they are happy and content with each other, although it’s none of our business as to why those two people choose to be together. It could be that way because they have other motives for being there and those motives have nothing to do with love, happiness or contentment.

        You know how some people are born into wealth or just born with very good looks? Maybe there are some rare people who are just destined to find the rare love that the rest of us only wish we could have.

        Posted by Vanessa | July 31, 2013, 12:16 AM
      • I think what keeps us from finding that rare love you speak of is pride, ego and broken hearts. Do you notice that the older we become the more we lack trust, and we are less willing to let our guards down and let go of our inhibitions for fear of being hurt?

        I’ve had that rare love twice in my life, but I was pretty young. The first time at 17 and the second time at 24. I believe it’s possible to find that again, but I would have to meet someone just as willing to dive in as I am. That’s what’s hard to find.

        Also, people need to stop looking at other people’s relationships (good or bad) as a model fro how relationships should be. As you accurately stated Vanessa, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors or what makes their marriage/relationship last. All we see is what they let us see.

        Posted by 30thoughts | July 31, 2013, 12:25 AM
  2. TT:

    I believe finding a good woman has proven to be so difficult for so many because of misguided beliefs as to what makes someone a good woman or wife material (of course this goes for men also). The quote above “I’m amazed at how many men I hear complaining about not being able to find a “good” woman. All I know are smart, talented, funny, beautiful women. These women are diverse, creative, educated, fun, and most importantly single. I never understand how a man has trouble finding what he is looking for in a romantic partner”, is a prime example of such. As far as I am concerned none of these characteristics would make my top 6-8 on a scale of importance (not that I have them written down anywhere).

    I cannot speak for other men, but I would never want a woman who didn’t express herself (moodiness and attitude does not count) nor would I only expect a little.

    I want to clarify that I am not some guy angry about the scarcity of quality women (by my standards). I am not on the hunt, but that may change one day. If it does, I sure would hope the climate is a lot better than it is now but that is highly unlikely.

    Posted by Mark | August 29, 2012, 11:55 PM
    • Yeah @Mark. That’s what guys say, but I tend to believe all good qualities and characteristics go out the door depending on looks. The better looking a woman is, the more they will deal with. They will make excuses and simply wife her because they are infatuated with her appearance more so than her spirit or her character. I believe the same goes for women too. They are shallow too, at times.

      NONE of the things she listed fall in your top 10?? You drive a hard bargain lol.

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 12:21 AM
      • I agree with you. I’ve also seen guys put up with the most absurd things because a woman is extremely good looking.

        Well, I would say that “smart” is in my top 10 but not “educated” because “intelligence” and having a degree(s) are not the same thing.

        @TT and Miss Me, please see my “chiming” in on what I find to be attractive characteristics in a woman. My personal Top 10 list is as follows (excluding having a relationship w/ Jesus): Selfless, Integrity, Committed, Loving (giving), Considerate, Rational, Attentive, Intelligent, Sense of Humor, Confident. Do you think that’s asking for a lot?

        Posted by Mark | August 30, 2012, 7:10 AM
      • :-) Doesn’t seem to be asking for too much, but it is definitely more insightful than most men. I don’t think they have a clue most times. They just think once they meet the One, they will auto,atically know! It’s magical lol

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 7:16 AM
      • Lol @ magical. I agree that most people don’t have a clue. So many are playing checkers when they should be playing chess. I think one should consider the end from the beginning. I figure you have to consider real life situations and think about how things are likely to transpire when people possess certain characteristics (or even how they react to situations that while they do not involve you at the moment, they may very well involve you at some point in the future) to do that. I truly believe I have saved a lot of time and avoided many bad situations by doing so. I just wish I had learned it way back when. ;)

        Posted by Mark | August 30, 2012, 12:26 PM
  3. Classic male vs female war.

    Well,you might disagree but I believe that women are the causes of almost all divorces,all cheating and all breakups.

    Not that women are prone to infidelity,but they’re so easily led astray and gullible,it just complicates things further in finding a good woman.

    Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 1:31 AM
    • Women are easily led astray and gullible? That’s a first… seeing as how most men are known to think more with their little head than their big one.

      Personally, I feel men set the tone for the relationship. If the man does not lead properly or by example, his house (relationship/family) will be in constant disarray. The woman a man chooses as a wife is a direct reflection of who he is, as a person. If the woman were the one asking for hands in marriage, then your statement might hold some truth, but the men are doing the choosing, and some are just bad at it.

      How can you put the demise of relationships squarely on women’s shoulders?? You sound bitter.

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 1:42 AM
      • How is that a first? Women are driven by emotions. And women are emotional beings. Gullibility stems from emotions. So why wouldn’t women be more gullible when women are 1,000 times more emotional than men?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 4:39 AM
      • Gullibility stems from emotions?? This is completely false. I’m not even going to ask how you came to this conclusion.

        Most men would actually disagree with the statement that women are 1000x more emoitional than men. They just aren’t as verbal about them, but they are equally emotional if not more than women.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 5:34 AM
      • Yes you’re right. But what you’re missing out is the type of man who’d disagree with what I said. Beta males(as we call them in the pick-up artist community) aka weak men,will of course disagree with me. But real men aka Alpha Males know that I’m saying. And irony is,most men are Betas(weak) and only a selected few are Alphas(like I am). What I just said will only resonate with Alpha Males(as on my forum). But since you’re a female,it’s quite natural that 99% of the men here are Betas who won’t disagree with you.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 5:51 AM
      • Wow you’re making sweeping assumptions about everyone who comments here. Alpha or beta, EVERY man is emotional, they just have different ways of expressing it. Self-proclaimed alphas like yourself are usually only comfortable expressing anger, and think that makes them strong. Well, it doesn’t. It makes you imbalanced and troubled. Women are far stronger than men if you really think about it. The stress our bodies can take, the ability to care for and raise families sometimes w/o the help of a man or anyone. Your generic mentions of alpha males and weakness are so cliche and simply isn’t true.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 6:41 AM
      • Don’t mean to come off as that,but it’s real though.
        Of course every man is emotional. All of us have emotions. I never denied that. But what I was saying is that women or way more emotional than men. How can you or anyone else in their right minds deny that? Do I have to break it down to an elementary level? How many women get choked up at the Titanic and actually shed tears? I’d bet more than 90% of women who’s ever watched it(or such films). Now,how many men you think actually shed tears over Titanic? I bet none. Not that we lack emotions,but men are NOT emotionally driven!! We are driven by rational. Women are driven by emotions. In order to bang a girl(which is what I teach),the guy has to get her emotional. Not crying,but in a sexually charged state(which is emotionally driven). A man does not have to be horny to bang a girl. Sex is a rational decision to men. But sex is an emotional decision for women. Get the drift?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 6:51 AM
      • The women you’re getting to drop their drawers must be pretty ignorant to fall for your shenanigans. Fyi, being driven by emotions and stating that a woman is more emotional than a man are 2 different assertions, dear. I don’t disagree that women are often led more by their emotions, but that doesn’t make them more or less emotional than men. You’re just regurgitating common theories about male-female relations, and you don’t know enough about anything to teach me anything I don’t already know.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 7:22 AM
      • And what shenanigans are those? I teach men how to attract,pickup,seduce and bang women. Race of the girl irrelevant,her socio-economic background irrelevant,profession irrelevant… Once a guy understands that once he taps into a woman’s emotional side,he can fuck her,date her,make her his GF,etc.,only then they’ll have better results.

        Yes they are good women out there,but I believe my points are relevant ’cause they tap into the general notion that men have of no good women being out there. Gullibility and women being easily misled is what leads to infidelity which leads to the notion that no good women exist.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 7:45 AM
      • So being able to “attract,pickup,seduce and bang women of all races, socio-economic backgrounds and professions” makes you an alpha male?? That’s laughable. It sounds as though you don’t fully understand the qualities of an alpha male. Alpha males are usually wildly successful in business and are rightfully placed in positions of power because of their ability to lead, make decisions and be assertive. Are you successful in anything other than douchebaggery?? Do you own any businesses? Are you responsible? Being able to bed women doesn’t at all make you an alpha male nor does it make you anything more than a gigolo and sponge for germs and diseases. An ability to manipulate women is nothing to brag about. You obviously have issues that can’t be resolved here. And anyone can be gullible. You’re gullible for falling for the hype and becoming a statistic, another black man who’s only worried about sex and bling. Smh. Good luck with that.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 7:56 AM
      • And you think I’m here commenting on your blog in hopes to resolve some issues of mine? You don’t wanna accept conflicting views to yours,and you want a blog that’s just about what you believe,then just delete my comments or unsubscribe me
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 8:08 AM
      • I don’t. Clearly, you think you’re fine just the way you are. I want to encourage intelligent conversation, not someone who’s promoting his own agenda. That seems to be your purpose for commenting on any of my posts because you always get back to your “pimping.” You don’t have to agree with me, but you should at least make sense.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 9:41 AM
      • And what is my agenda? What am I looking to gain here,views,ppl flocking to my blog? If you didn’t know already,my blog averages about 700 views per day. That is super high. My articles average about 45 comments per post in less than 24 hours and then I usually close comments ’cause I’m overwhelmed. My point? I’m not looking to gain traffic by spreading my agenda on your blog. I don’t need to when there are 1,000′s of men out there who flock to my blog for advice on getting women. Perhaps if you want traffic,maybe you should comment on my posts and people will become curious and check out your stuff.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 5:11 PM
      • Look “socialkenny” I’m not interested in numbers. Quality always trumps quantity. I don’t want to draw more wounded, beta males (who think their alpha males) to my blog, and I’m not going to entertain foolishness just to ensure anyone’s loyalty as a reader/commenter. I do this because I enjoy it, and whatever comes of it, great. If you want to unsubscribe, you’ll need to do that on your end using the email that may have been sent to you regarding this post. I’m not going to waste my time trying to figure out how to do it on my end.
        Also, I read/comment on other blogs because of good content, good writing, and good conversation, not to increase my traffic. Others checking out my blog as a result is a bonus.
        Like I said, good luck with your endeavors. I hope you wake up and smell the coffee before you catch something. Deuces.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 8:33 PM
      • Once again,what you don’t agree with is considered foolishness. Pretty closed-minded and ignorant I’d say.
        And what is the quality in stuff that you write? Yes it does have quality. I admit that. But for you to say what I do isn’t of quality,shows your lack of maturity and dogmatic mentality.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 10:20 PM
      • I never said what you write isn’t quality. You’re making an assumption. I am simply saying that I don’t troll websites to draw traffic to my own. If I do visit them, it’s because it has content that I’m interested in. Why would I be interested in reading about you teaching guys how to get laid? That doesn’t interest me.

        What’s foolish is that you are making sweeping generalizations and statements that have no validity. Women are gullible because gullibility is driven by emotion and women are more emotional than men?? That’s basically what you’re saying, right? It’s not simply that I don’t agree with you, it’s that your argument is not valid. Your arguments and assertions have no factual basis.
        Also, what you stand for is foolishness. It is disappointing to see yet another young black man leading a life that essentially leads nowhere. The fact that I am even discussing these things with you and allowing your comments means that I obviously give your opinion some credence, but I just can’t get with 99% of what you’re saying because you’re not backing it up with any facts. What if I just said men are gullible, and left it at that? Would you be inclined to believe me? What if I said men are gullible because since the beginning of time, women have successfully led them to self-destruction, Adam and Eve, Samson and Delilah, kings throughout history, Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky and modern men (especially men with power, status and money) have all fallen prey to a woman with a plan. When has a woman EVER been led astray by some man? You gave no examples, no basis for your beliefs.
        Anyone can go around making assertions, that’s easy. But, you need to learn to back up what you’re saying or else it will be considered mindless drivel.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 10:46 PM
      • And I’m trolling your site? I don’t mine disagreeing. What I teach,no women who comment on my blog ever agrees with it. So I’m not the type who must have ppl agree with my views.
        Plus I never commented here in order to get you interested in what I do.
        And teaching men how to attract women and essentially find a girlfriend is considered by you just another black man doing something of no value? Really!? So why don’t you tell Dr. Phil and other relationship counselors that what they teach is foolishness,since I teach the same thing but with revolutionary concepts. I get laid and I have no problems with getting laid nor getting a GF. Now if I chose to teach that skill to other men,I don’t believe that that makes me foolish not just a stereotypical black man.
        I don’t teach how to be pimps and players. I teach men how to get laid and how to be social with women(thus my name Socialkenny). So if I’m wrong for teaching that,and it’s of no quality,then why are my ratings so high(among whites and Asians according to Alexia blog status)?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 10:57 PM
      • Now you’re a revolutionary??! Get a life!

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 31, 2012, 12:17 AM
      • You’re just a stereotypical black chic who’s miserable,probably can’t get a man nor keep one or repel men via your ignorant attitude. Classic example of why black men are flocking to whites,Latinas and Asian women who are 1000 times more socially aware,smart and open-minding. So soak that up
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 11:06 PM
      • Here we goooo. the classic “that’s why Black men date others” argument. How original! Learn how to spell and find someone else to argue with . I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time arguing with a non-factor.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 31, 2012, 12:15 AM
      • Ok well you hit me with the classic “black men are ignorant”,black men are aren’t shit line. Which you are right to an extent. Black American men aren’t shit is true. I’m from the Caribbean but raised and live my entire like in the Bronx,NY. So I can see the obvious parallels between black America and other blacks in the globe(who are 100 times more educated than black American men). So that’s where you got it twisted,lumping me in with the rest of the black clowns in America.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 31, 2012, 12:55 AM
      • I would never say all Black men are anything because I don’t know all of them. I said YOU are ignorant. YOU aren’t s***. That refers to you and only YOU. You’re lost, and you’re the clown glorifying other races over your own, putting down other black men because you hate yourself. You’re a disgrace. I’m done talking to you, sweetie. Have a nice life! Oh and please lose the chain…

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 31, 2012, 1:14 AM
      • When you wanna hit me with the classic line as you did a while back when you insinuated that black men are ignorant because they’re all about pimping. I just wanna clearly differentiate between black American men and Other men of African descent(like in the Caribbean). Black American men are ignorant. Black men in every other parts of the glob got their shit together and are highly educated. Just as I am highly intelligent in psychology,female psychology,human psychology and seducing women. And not to mention grammar and diction unlike these ghetto niggaz you’re used to. That’s where you got me mixed up.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 31, 2012, 1:37 AM
      • And if you possessed the mental faculty to read and comprehend,you would’ve know that as a member of the pick-up/seduction community,we have dating and mating down to a science and an art. So what we teach isn’t pie in the sky or stuff that wasn’t well tested and ran the gamut. So don’t knock something until you have knowledge of what that something is. Don’t knock what I do and what I teach as a pick-up artist until you research what it is we’re about. Or else,you’ll be exposing yourself as a true hypocrite and an ignoramous
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 31, 2012, 1:44 AM
      • Furthermore, your comments are waaaay off topic.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 7:30 AM
      • You’re right about the male being or should be leader of the house/family. But that isn’t why it goes array. It does when the woman want to play the man’s role. The biggest thing to a man is dominance and control. Take away that,and a relationship can’t last.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 4:42 AM
      • Too many men want to control and dominate, but do not have the ability to do so. They are not equipped to lead themselves, much less a family. Women only play the man’s role when they feel they have to or do not feel their man is able. I would never get involved with a man that I do not trust to lead me and our household. But, not all women are like me.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 5:37 AM
      • Yes I hear that. But men were created to be dominant and have control. It’s our nature. Women are submissive by nature(gullible,vain,naïve,docile,etc.). Men are dominant by nature(hunters,fishers,warriors,etc.). This is Biblical and evolutionary.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

        Posted by Socialkenny | August 30, 2012, 5:53 AM
    • Of all your ridiculous comments that you have the audacity to post on this blog, I will only respond to a few. Many of your comments are out of line, especially given that you are speaking to a woman.

      You make these absurd generalizations about how Black American men aren’t any good. What percentage of the Black men in America do you know? Where does your definition of what it means to be man stem from? Based on your statements, you believe a man should purpose to “sleep with different women”. What does this accomplish? How does this have a positive impact on anything?

      You have a lot growing up to do. Do not assume you are a man because you are wearing a man suit. Manhood is not measured in age nor size but in maturity, the ability to lead others in the right direction, the ability to uplift those around you which in turn will have a positive effect on those within their lineage, network, community, workplace, etc. I could add much more to this list but there is no need at this point.

      Why are you so determined to argue with and blame women instead of trying to interact with them constructively? Women are not the problem to whatever it is that your battling within.

      Posted by Mark | August 31, 2012, 2:03 AM
      • Women are not to blame for failing relationships. Men/Women are all mentally shaped by life’s experiences; and the manner in which our brains decifer and comprehend the things we’ve learned along the way is crucial to how we view relationships and how we behave accordingly when we’re involved in one.

        For example: since infidelity is one cause of failed relationships, I will use this senario. A man/woman who finds it difficult to have only one sex partner has a specific idea in his/her mind as to why one partner isn’t sufficient and that’s because some where down the line in their learning experience they have comprehended that multiple partners is the best thing for them. I don’t think they are intentionally trying to be dishonest or decieving, but they are merely acting on what they see as the best avenue for themselves.

        Don’t see the infidelity as something against you, don’t take it personally, but see it for what it is and that’s the fact that your partner has learned/comprehended the situation as being right for them….that’s the bottom line. Where as you have comprehended it as an act that you feel better sharing yourself with only one person at a time….so you know what that means?

        It means….that particular person is not for you, because you two aren’t compatible in that way. So if that is a deal breaker for you, then that person i

        It means that woman/man is not good for you

        Posted by Vanessa | July 30, 2013, 7:30 PM
    • @SocialKenny

      Of all your ridiculous comments that you have the audacity to post on this blog, I will only respond to a few. Many of your comments are out of line, especially given that you are speaking to a woman.

      You make these absurd generalizations about how Black American men aren’t any good. What percentage of the Black men in America do you know? Where does your definition of what it means to be man stem from? Based on your statements, you believe a man should purpose to “sleep with different women”. What does this accomplish? How does this have a positive impact on anything?

      You have a lot growing up to do. Do not assume you are a man because you are wearing a man suit. Manhood is not measured in age nor size but in maturity, the ability to lead others in the right direction, the ability to uplift those around you which in turn will have a positive effect on those within their lineage, network, community, workplace, etc. I could add much more to this list but there is no need at this point.

      Why are you so determined to argue with and blame women instead of trying to interact with them constructively? Women are not the problem to whatever it is that your battling within.

      Posted by Mark | August 31, 2012, 2:04 AM
    • Being a woman all of my life, I will agree that we do tend to be gullible, but I think that stems from us being led by emotion (the heart) vs the brain. In my opinion we women desire a man who will understand and respect our feelings. See we are feeling creatures and our feelings drive and motivate us, whereas men are motivated by their thoughts (brain), which means that men are calculating creatures, so if a man has a so called “good woman”, he may recognize her as being that, but in his mind, if he can attract her into his life, then there is a calculating chance that he can attract another, and another because in his mind there is no such thing as too much of a good thing. Whereas a woman can find that “good man” and be content with that one good man. I’m just saying ;-)

      Posted by Vanessa | July 30, 2013, 6:43 PM
  4. I honestly don’t necessarily think by our generic definitions that they are good women or men for that matter. I think there are certain women out there for particular man and certain men for particular woman. What’s a good woman? Good listener, can cook, sexy, intelligent, ambitious, fun, strong, etc. What a list huh but any real man can meet her and deem her average so it’s still opinionated. I think people need to stop looking for “good” partners and try to look for partners who suit them. That’s how you get a good woman, she’s good cause she’s the one for you

    Posted by petersburgh | August 30, 2012, 3:42 AM
    • This is the cookie cutter response lol. Yes, in essence what a good woman is, is wholly subjective, but if that’s the case shouldn’t men and women both stop saying that a good man or good woman is hard to find, and determine that they just haven’t me the One yet? But, no one does, implying that there is some shortage of men and women with the basics that make them marriage material. It would seem that there are many more women with the “basics” than men, but again, that’s what we women see, but that’s not what men are seeing. This is where it gets tricky. Women see tons of women with the basics (some of which you listed above), men don’t see what WE see. Why?

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2012, 4:02 AM
      • Why? The same way we see women fall for total douches and think they are God’s give to women. I’m not sure there is a shortage of men or women, I think they is a shortage in what we think are the good “type” for us. Those of you with list try to seek out those things and ignore good people who may not have it all according to your lists

        Posted by petersburgh | August 30, 2012, 4:26 AM
  5. yes without a doubt, and so many women nowadays seem to have an ATTITUDE PROBLEM as well. it is like they are not looking for men anymore like they once did. i myself seem to come across the ones that are real BITCHES.

    Posted by ALWAYS RIGHT SAYS | November 16, 2012, 6:36 AM
    • It’s funny how presumably “good” women and men sit around and talk about how hard it is to find a good mate. I guarantee the reason is 1 of 3:

      1. You’re looking outside of your league (trying to get a 10, when you’re a 6).
      2. You’re looking in the wrong place (falling in love with a stripper is just silly).
      3. You’re not as good of a catch as you think you are (you are what you attract).

      Figure out which category you fit into, and change it up. Good luck!

      P.S. We ARE looking for REAL men, but many men don’t really know what that entails (not saying you don’t).

      Posted by 30thoughts | November 16, 2012, 6:49 AM
      • well it is very much true, many of us straight guys can’t seem to meet a real good honest woman anymore.

        Posted by Alan Says | January 18, 2013, 12:36 AM
      • Hmmm…interesting how you threw “straight” in there. Gay men aren’t looking for a woman so I’m not sure why you felt the need to qualify that straight men can’t find a real good honest woman. I am giving you the people’s eyebrow right now…

        Posted by 30thoughts | January 18, 2013, 1:28 AM
      • funny you should make such a comment like that, when we certainly have much more women nowadays that think their shit don’t stink and do have a very serious attitude problem. gee just maybe, if many women could just accept a man for who he is instead of looking for a RICH man, that may help. very sad that we have so many VERY UNEDUCATED women out there today.

        Posted by SeriousJimSays | February 2, 2013, 10:07 PM
      • I think everyone (men and women) needs to be more realistic in terms of what they want vs. need in a partner and stop being so shallow – women as far as looks and money, men as far as looks.

        Posted by 30thoughts | February 4, 2013, 9:40 PM
      • There is a saying, you will kiss a lot of frogs before meeting your prince/princess. There is probably some truth to that. Life is about experiences…some good some not so good, but they are there for a reason. Perhaps so that we can learn from them, and if it doesn’t kill us, then it will surely make us much more educated and stronger people.

        Life is a sweet but crazy adventure. It’s not intended to be lived forever, so we have to capture whatever essence we can out of it. So take those bitter experiences and learn from them. Take the sweet experiences and enjoy them for as long as you can because NOTHING is meant to last forever, so trust that one day the sweet experience will be gone and all you will have is a memory of it and even that is questionable due to certain brain illnesses. So live in the moment…the right now and always look forward to the future.

        Posted by Vanessa | August 6, 2013, 11:47 PM
      • 30Thoughts why is falling in love with a stripper a silly idea? I’m not a stripper and never have been, but I’m curious as to why you would say that. I’m open to love being found in some of the most inconspicuous places. Who’s to say where the right place is to fall in love? A stripper is a human being, with real feelings and thoughts; right? Just as the person sitting in the strip club watching her/him strip. Aren’t they also human beings, with real feelings and thoughts? Why must we label people so harshly…this person isn’t a good enough person because they are this or that. Commonalities is usually one of the traits that draw people to one another.

        If a guy/girl works in a strip club or frequents a strip club and he/she falls for one of the strippers for whatever his/her reason is for being attracted to her/him in that manner, is it fair to assume he/she is ignorant for his/her feelings? Maybe she/he’s in the strip club for reasons that she/he felt lead them to that avenue. Maybe all she/he needs is for someone to show her/him some real heartfelt love. She/He could have been lacking real love in their life in the first place and made a choices that most people won’t make. Sometimes as human beings all we need is a little understanding, compassion and to be shown love.

        I admit that falling in love with a stripper isn’t a common occurrence among the masses, but love just happens. It can’t be controlled. As long as the people in love are consenting adults, then it shouldn’t be looked upon as a silly thing.

        I thought love was one of those emotions that you can’t control; you can’t control who you love. It’s one of those emotions that ha
        has a mind of it’s own….it comes out of no where and BAM there it is.

        I admit that falling in love with a stripper is probably unusual for the masses of people, but

        Posted by Vanessa | August 7, 2013, 12:27 AM
      • I simply wouldn’t advise it because strippers have a certain mentality in order to do what they do. I would venture to say most of them are about money – that’s it. They understand how to manipulate men to get what they want and have no qualms about leaving them once they’ve gotten it. I liken them to golddiggers. Golddiggers need love too, but I wouldn’t suggest any man date one. Abusive men need love too, but I wouldn’t advise any woman give them a shot. If they want to though, that’s on them.

        You’re right. We all need love, but we also have to protect and guard our hearts, and if you do decide to get involved with a stripper, golddigger or whatever, be prepared to deal with their job (for a stripper), personality and their values or lack thereof. If you all share the same values, great, best of luck! But, I wouldn’t advise the average man to fall in love with a stripper.

        This is not to say that you may not have the same concerns dealing with a woman who is not a stripper, but I would never fall for an athlete because I know what type of life that means for me, and I’m not willing to deal with it. I’m also assuming most people when they get married or fall in love, they don’t bank on getting cheated on, but knowing that athletes are notorious for this, I WILL steer clear.

        If a guy I knew and cared for (family or friend) fell for a stripper, would I advise it? No. Would I be happy that he found love, sure. Hope that makes me stance on the issue clearer.

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 7, 2013, 1:03 AM
  6. without a doubt, and women over the years have become so damn nasty and have an attitude problem today. at least many women years ago had class, and were a lot easier to meet. now we have so many VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL WOMEN out there now, making it much more harder for us serious straight guys looking for a good woman today. that is, if they still exist. and now what is up with so many women these days going for other women? then again, that is one for the Jerry Springer Show.

    Posted by Jay Says | December 15, 2012, 5:51 AM
    • I do agree that women are different these days and becoming increasingly skanky, but with all the thirsty chicks out there, you would think it wouldn’t take much to find a woman to marry. The odds are definitely in men’s favor since women outnumber men, period.

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 16, 2012, 10:26 AM
    • To SeriousJim – I think some women tend to look for the RICH man vs the everyday average man is because, in my opinion, the men that those women have encountered in thier lives, have set the standard. Perhaps the men that she has dealt with has failed her expectations somehow. For example, maybe she is the type of person who believes in having one sex partner at a time, but the men she has encountered finds it necessary to obtain multiple partners. So time and time again she keeps meeting that type of man, so she feels betrayed and deceived, probably because the men were dishonest with her about their views on fidelity/infidelity. Perhaps if the conversation came up and lets say she informed him that she prefers a man who is monogamous and maybe those men agreed with her way of thinking, but somewhere down the line she finds out that he isn’t monogamous, can’t you see how that would be a problem for her?

      So, since in her life, those men have set the standard of behavior. So in her mind, she is still a very sexually healthy, vibrant woman who still wants to endure a relationship with a man, but this time she’s going to do it a little differently and choose a man who has an abundance of finances, because in her mind/heart she’s been hurt so many times and left with nothing but a broken heart, but this time she decides that when this happens to her again, at least she would feel like she has some financial gain to go along with that broken heart…..I’m just sayn ;-)

      Posted by Vanessa | July 30, 2013, 8:09 PM
      • @Vanessa I can agree with this scenario. Golddiggers have the mentality that they’re going to “win” one way or another. Some even feel like all men cheat, so why deal with a broke/middle class guy who cheats when you can deal with a rich man and reap all the benefits of his wealth for a time and get the same result?

        Golddiggers are scarred individuals who have been crushed by life and love and I can’t say I blame them for their selfish and materialistic ways.

        Posted by 30thoughts | July 30, 2013, 9:26 PM
      • well there are many of us serious men that don’t play games, and would want to really meet a good one for us. just too many very high maintenance women out there nowadays adding to the problem.

        Posted by Paul | August 15, 2013, 9:00 PM
  7. i do notice that there are so many stupid women out there that certainly need to grow up, just how they are acting today. and many of you women are not all that like you think you are.

    Posted by SERIOUS MARK SAYS | December 15, 2012, 6:01 AM
  8. a real good woman is very extremely hard to find, since they are the ones that are very picky now. they usually go after the men that have a very large bank account, that i have noticed. many women nowadays need to be much more better educated like they were years ago, and they accepted the men for who he was.

    Posted by THE TRUTH | December 26, 2012, 8:43 PM
  9. At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone that read this blog is now dumber for having to read this.

    Posted by Jerry | January 1, 2013, 7:03 AM
    • Thank you for commenting, Jerry.

      Posted by 30thoughts | January 2, 2013, 6:21 AM
      • I think there are lots of good women out there. The problem that exist at least with me is that they usually are not interested because they have there own agenda. The same thing applies for males instead our agenda is body features first smh …. Instead of having an open mind we look for our mates with a check list of wants. I will be honest most women want someone with glamour it’s no longer about your HEART , that comes lata (second). Why ? you ask , because its what they see on tv it’s what there friends tell them to look for in a man . When they come across me I’m not always willing to show all my cards (ive done it and got my heart broke) because I know most women Flock to men with Money and Power. That’s a turn off , and a sign of weakness that CAN be exploited.

        Posted by Dee | April 17, 2013, 10:30 PM
      • @Dee – You’re absolutely right. The superficial qualities a woman brings to the table are often considered first instead of things that are actually important in establishing a healthy long lasting partnership, like character, loyalty, intelligence, etc. Women are making these same mistakes too though, giving men with money and power their full attention and overlooking the average Joes. That’s why both sexes feel like there are no good men/women, and that’s why a lot of people are jaded by relationships that ended because they were rooted in superficiality.

        Posted by 30thoughts | April 18, 2013, 12:48 AM
  10. I am in category 2. I go to lounges a lot to chill, dance and just to have fun. I do attract women that are 8 – 10 quite often because of my personality even though I am about a 6. However coming back to category 2. I do not want a GF or wife I have met while drinking at a club/bar or lounge. I do not look there but I also don’t look in the right places either. So is church the only one and true place to meet good women? I dunno. And I am not talking about a religious nut either, someone with a balanced life. I have tried dating sites like POF and that was awful, I was in a nightmare for 3 years with my ex then she left me because I wasn’t making enough money and she was hiding a house from me in the end. So is there good women out there? Yes but you have to pick through a lot of bad ones to find them.

    Posted by End | June 18, 2013, 11:28 PM
    • I can appreciate your honesty and realistic perception of who and what you attract. I think anyone over 25 has had their heart broken at least once in life. The key is to not let it keep you from finding love again. You can and you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are and what you bring to the relationship.

      I wouldn’t highly recommend free dating websites just because you have to weed through all the fluff lol

      Most of the people I’ve dated, I met out at a private event or through friends.

      Posted by 30thoughts | June 19, 2013, 2:14 AM
  11. I think the truth about where or how to find a woman is in us men
    You need to understand what you are looking for in a woman, and I am not talking about general statements like good looking or good woman, you really need to think and understand what it is you are looking in a woman, what you are looking and what are your red lines, after that, women are everywhere, there are more women than men on this planet. The hard part is when you found a woman you like to meet and get to know better, how do you do that, how do you make sure you will be able to check if this woman is the one, how don’t you mess the opportunity up, you need to be the one that decide how you want to get to know better, you should have the power, I found a very useful article about the subject that explains the basic principles, I hope it will help you http://bewitchingcloseness.com/

    Posted by David | September 26, 2013, 11:40 PM
    • Thanks @David for sharing that link and your thoughts on the subject. I too believe that in order to find a women that suits them, men must know what they are and are not looking for, and when they find it, have the courage to stop looking. And if the woman they are dating is not the one, have the courage to move on and not drag her along or keep reaping the benefits of a relationship for purely selfish reasons.

      I also think good men and women are everywhere. It’s all about timing!

      Posted by 30thoughts | September 27, 2013, 12:34 AM

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Basketball is like that fine chick that's exciting but she's ALWAYS around. You get bored quickly. Football is that chick that gives you just enough, but keeps you wanting more...

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