When discussing, love, relationships and marriage, the widely held notion that ‘a good man is hard to find’ is often revisited. However, more and more, I have heard men reciting the same, except in reference to finding a good woman. Recently, the topic was raised in the comment section of an article, courtesy of The Urban Politico, “Smart and Cute Is Hard To Find.” The article began as one advocating for men and women to have lists stipulating what they are looking for in a partner, so as not to waste time dating people who don’t fit the mold. But, quickly the conversation turned when the author stated:
I’m amazed at how many men I hear complaining about not being able to find a “good” woman. All I know are smart, talented, funny, beautiful women. These women are diverse, creative, educated, fun, and most importantly single. I never understand how a man has trouble finding what he is looking for in a romantic partner.
Now, when I read this part, I admit, I nodded to myself in agreement. Looking around me, I see numerous women, not just my friends, who seem to be “good women.” Then I realized, most women think their well-to-do, self-sufficient, sweet and presumably selfless single friends are amazing, and should not be as single as they are. I share her sentiments in that I think many of my single friends are great catches, but what another commenter so eloquently pointed out is that, I don’t know how my friends conduct themselves in relationships. I’d like to think they are everything I assume them to be, but the truth is they could be self-absorbed, psychotic androids who deserve to be single for the rest of their lives.
‘Who wouldn’t want you,’ we ask our friends rhetorically, not taking into consideration that we don’t really know our friends, and even family, as well as we think we do.
We feel about our friends the way mothers feel about their children – we see the best in them. We want what’s best for them. We think they’re beautiful even though others may not. We don’t have to be around them all the time the way a significant other might, so we may not understand that, at times, they can be annoying, boring or just plain mean.
Maybe she wets the bed or has an incurable disease. Maybe she stinks. The truth is, I just don’t know. That being the case, I finally understand men’s frustration when women act as though good women grow on trees.
But even after considering all this, most men claim to be “simple creatures,” so how is it that finding a good woman has proven to be so difficult? Does Chris Rock just about cover it when he says men want food, sex and silence? If so, I find it hard to believe that at some point in their early 20s or 30s, most men haven’t encountered a woman that would give them just that. So, what’s the problem? Why is a good woman so hard to find when men claim to want so little? The author quoted above seems to think it’s because men really don’t know what they want, hence the suggestion to make a list. What do you think? What is the definition of a “good woman?”