I was thinking to myself the other day – I have NEVER been hit on at church. Real, genuine churchgoing men are like unicorns, so why when I take my seat in the pews seeing all manner of men before me like I’ve just landed at the other end of the rainbow, I always leave empty-handed – no pot of gold, no man? A goon will hit on you anywhere, but the good guys at church don’t approach. Why is that?
Gentlemen, listen up! The church holla is TOO easy. Here are a few reasons why:
*You get to hold her hand EVERY time they pray, and there’s often a lot of touching and talking going on (especially if you attend a Black church), e.g. touch 2 people and say___, hug your neighbor and say___, point at your neighbor and tell them ___, pull on your neighbor’s arm, and the like.
*We’re emotional at church (if we’re truly “saved”). It’s like in the movies, when a man and a woman who initially hate each other’s guts, after a few car chases and brushes with death, fall head over heels in love. This could just be idealistic writing and have no bearing on real life, but I think there’s some truth to it. Enduring dangerous, intense and spiritually charged situations does create a bond – there’s an air of vulnerability that will give you an opportunity to see the real her.
*Churches encourage social interaction. It is one of the few places where a total stranger can walk up to you and you won’t think he’s just trying to get in your pants. I mean, ‘what kind of heathen would be thinking about sex…at church?’
*She will automatically think you’re a good guy, so her defenses will be down. This is sort of an extension of the previous one, but emphasizes that the woman will have already assumed some things about you before you even approach her – good things.
*Sermons are great conversation starters. All you have to do is ask, “so what did you think of the sermon? Or what aspect of the sermon affected you most?”
If I had to guess, I would hypothesize that men don’t step to women at church because they feel it’s inappropriate. If this is how you feel, let me tell you, the church holla could not be MORE appropriate. God is for the church holla because he wants us to be equally yoked, duh. So, next time, you go to church, sit next to that beautiful woman you see every Sunday, and after service, ask her out. You’ll be glad you did.
Guys, have you ever tried the church holla? If so, were you successful? Is it something you would recommend to your friends? Are there any men who would never approach a woman at church? If so, why not? Ladies, have you longed for a nice God-fearing man to make a move on you at church, to your dismay? Have you been hit on at church? If so, is it rare or a common occurrence?
If I had to guess, I would hypothesize that men don’t step to women at church because they feel it’s inappropriate
Yes, I believe this to be true. Just coming out and flirting with a woman at church would probably make me feel as uncomfortable as the woman herself. I could see if a man was interested in a woman he met at church and then invited her to lunch or dinner afterwards and then spoke of his attraction. To me, that would appear more plausible.
Alas, I’m sure it’s a common occurrence though, cause as you stated there’s a generous amount of hugging and touching taking place between men and good-smelling sistas dressed in thin dresses.
Good read.
Posted by don | October 13, 2012, 12:31 AMThanks don, for commenting. I agree that flirting in church may be awkward, but if you’ve been eyeing a particular lady for a while, you don’t really have to flirt with her. Just catch her after church in the foyer (black churches love to use this word lol) and ask her out. The macking should not interrupt her experience or yours, and it doesn’t have to. There’s probably some woman right now in YOUR congregation who’s hoping you’ll step to her. Are there any other reasons why a guy wouldn’t hot on a woman at church?
Posted by 30thoughts | October 13, 2012, 12:46 AMAre there any other reasons? Hmm. You mean, besides the pastor already secretly dating many of the women in church?
Similar to a workplace/office romance, there’s always a slight chance that it won’t turn out as expected. In the event that one or both parties hold animosity towards the other, that will be even less of your personal life spreaded among members of the church.
Posted by Don | October 14, 2012, 6:26 PMAlso, a very good reason I hadn’t thought of…
Posted by 30thoughts | October 15, 2012, 8:21 PMI have never stepped to a woman at church because I always felt it was inappropriate. Also, my mindset changes when I enter church similar to the gym and I become focused on the reason I am there. As a result, I have never approached a woman in the gym either. That being said, you raised some good points and I must say that I would consider approaching a woman at church in the future.
Posted by Mark | October 14, 2012, 4:18 PMYes, you should definitely consider it. How are you supposed to meet a nice Christian woman, and a woman meet a nice Christian man if not at church? Where would people of the same religious faith meet or I should ask, where DO they meet?
Posted by 30thoughts | October 15, 2012, 8:26 PMThose are good questions and I believe the best place to do so is at church. My church has a lot of events outside of Saturday and Sunday Service, and Bible Study which I would think makes it a lot easier for people to meet. Outside of that, it has not been often that I have cross paths with women of like faith (Christian). Where DO they meet from your perspective?
Posted by Mark | October 16, 2012, 12:37 PMI don’t think they do! That to me is the problem. Unless, you are an active member and involved, it is unlikely you will get to know people of like faith on a regular. Maybe ChristianMingle.com lol
Some folks don’t go to church every Sunday, either because they can’t or they work. Whatever the case may be, guys shouldn’t feel weird about asking a girl out at church. Like I said, as long as it’s before or after service, I don’t see what the problem is.
Posted by 30thoughts | October 16, 2012, 8:41 PMGood point! Also, I don’t think you should ask her out immediately. That is when both may feel it is awkward or inappropiate. Establish a ‘friendship/relationship’ over a few weeks. Laughing at the ‘church lady’, praying for a sick member, the touching and hugging that 30Thoughts suggested then, go in for the kill, lol. Maybe even after you’ve impressed her by singing with the choir on Men’s Day. Good luck!
Posted by DailyDealn | October 16, 2012, 8:28 PMGreat suggestions, DailyDealn!! I like the idea of waiting and impressing her with your involvement in the church. That way, she’ll get to check you out too, and once you decide to approach, she will already have some idea as to whether she’s interested in getting to know you or not.
Posted by 30thoughts | October 16, 2012, 8:43 PMI guess I’ve always felt a little weird about hitting on women in church. There are lots of women who have significant others that don’t attend church, for starters. Second, church people are nosy. I don’t want everybody in my business like that. I will admit though, if there’s one place where a guy wants to go to look for women, it would be church. Some women are banking on the prayers they send out for a good man, and lots of them believe that he is going to walk through those church doors one day.
Posted by Mr. Chap | October 17, 2012, 5:55 AMLOL@ a man walking through the church doors!! But you are so right. Another guy I talked to offline mentioned the nosy factor. But, I go to a pretty large church when I go, so I can’t see how anyone would know or if they’d care that some dude and I are talking in the foyer about getting cozy. Nevertheless, I understand that’s a concern.
To your second point about women having significant others, how will you know until you approach them?? I think men think just because a woman has it “going on” she’s booed up. That’s usually NOT the case b/c men don’t even approach her to find out. She sits her fine behind at home every Friday night b/c guys think she’s taken.
Isn’t it sad that the ONE place (as you so correctly stated) a guy can go to find a decent woman is the one place where men usually won’t approach women??
Posted by 30thoughts | October 17, 2012, 6:14 AM‘The Church Holla’! I luv the way you put that. lol
I’ve never tried that church holla. I definitely fall in the category of men who viewed it as out of line. I just never wanted to be viewed as a dude who went to church just to get some coo. That’s the furthest from the truth, so I never even thought twice about crossing that line.
I can’t say I’d never approach a woman at church. I just have to gain more confidence when it comes to approach women in general first. I’m still a work in progress…yeah I can finally admit it. lol
Posted by Up4Dsn | November 10, 2012, 4:41 AMlol@ “coo”
It amazes me how many men never even thought twice about the church holla and never do it! I feel like a martyr…like because I’ve opened your eyes to this, there will be a few more men meeting a lot more equally yoked women. Please let me know how it goes if and when you decide to step up lol
If you don’t mind me asking though, do you think women at church would be more or less easygoing/resistant to entertaining a church holla? Like I said, I think they are more easygoing, but what are your thoughts? And does how you perceive them play a part in you not asking them out?
Posted by 30thoughts | November 10, 2012, 5:36 AMYou know I don’t mind you asking me any questions. Ask away!
I still feel like a woman’s response could go either way. I’d like to be optimistic and say she’d be more receptive in church…but ya never know. I did like the suggestions you made of breaking the ice. Those could probably go a long way in making things transition smoothly.
I’m not going to put it on women. I know my issue is personal. I just lack what I need to step up and approach a woman. That’s all on me. I can’t put that on the women.
I’m not sure how you’d feel about it, but I would luv to discuss this topic further on a podcast. Let me know if you’d be down to do that. Thanks!
Posted by Up4Dsn | November 18, 2012, 2:32 AM
Posted by 30thoughts | November 18, 2012, 7:07 AMWhen I go to church and decide to holla at a church girl, I feel they may think it’s inappropriate and may not like it. When we are church hearing the word we should be focused on the message and not the booty. I have never tried this approach but maybe I should.
Posted by KoolKappa | January 16, 2013, 5:44 AM@KoolKappa – You should be, but are you? Isn’t it human to be attracted to women no matter where you are? You’re not blind or impotent just bc you’re at church. I say try it!
Posted by 30thoughts | January 16, 2013, 6:52 AMThis was a very good read. I go to a large church and there are lots of woman and I often see someone I’m attracted to but like some of the other brothas I just don’t think it would be appropriate or be known as that dude at the church. But maybe I will give it a try.
Posted by Theo | April 19, 2013, 3:40 AM@Theo – Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it. If you approach her correctly and with good intentions, you should be just fine. Good luck and feel free to come back and share your experience if and when you do decide to go in lol
Posted by 30thoughts | April 19, 2013, 3:48 AMI think there should be nothing wrong with it after service. I do recommend you two make friends first for a bit then the guy can ask out her out for something casual, coffee and such. I am going to try this.
Posted by End | June 18, 2013, 6:32 AM@End I agree on the friends first method and the ensuing casual date. Thanks for reading and if you try, please share your results with us!
Posted by 30thoughts | June 18, 2013, 8:52 PM