It seems ever since Kim Kardashian got pregnant, her fashion sense has taken a dive.  I heard that pregnancy can affect the senses, but dang!  Her new maternity style is making her look more pregnant than she actually is, and her attempt to wear regular clothes rather than maternity clothes makes her look like a fat girl dying to be thin.

Kim: This is why they make “maternity clothes” because women who are expecting should not attempt to simply wear regular, larger-sized clothing.  It has been said that, upon selecting Nicola Formichetti as her stylist, Kim insisted on maintaining her “curve-hugging” style.  Kim: You’re preggers! Your “curves” are vanishing at rapid speeds! Get over it and embrace your pregnancy!”

Kim’s Givenchy dress donned at last night’s Met Gala was the talk of the town today for ALL the wrong reasons. I don’t know if Givenchy should be slapped for making it, or Kim for wearing it, but this was the last straw. Why isn’t anyone telling her how ridiculous she looks?!

Check out Kim Kardashian’s Maternity Lookbook compiled by yours truly and let me know your thoughts?

While engaging in salon chat, as women usually do (heck, you’re there for half the day), one of the more mature stylists said that every woman should have a team, also known as a gaggle.  A team is basically a harem of men that satisfy one’s various needs and desires.  I was surprised to hear someone from an older generation advocating for younger women to participate in such a playeristic lifestyle, but men have been doing it for years.

Although selfish, having a team of men that each bring unique qualities to the table ensures that, above all else, your basic needs and wants will ALWAYS be fulfilled.  The 50 Shades trilogy was wildly popular among women for numerous reasons I outline in “10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey,” but primarily because Christian Grey embodied ALL the characteristics that most women want in a man, but rarely find.

If you have become increasingly concerned that you will never find one man who possesses ALL the qualities you desire, maybe you should consider starting a team.  Your team should be more like a basketball team rather than a football team (that could get messy), and if you are unsure how to get started, here are some suggestions as to the types of men you may want to recruit to get the most out of this arrangement.

1) Old Faithful

You love spending time with him. He makes you laugh and is always down to be your plus 1 at events. He’s fun, compassionate when he needs to be, and perfect for a post break-up pick-me-up.

You two aren’t together because you see him as just a friend, but still entertain the possibility of being more, so you let him red-shirt until he proves he’s ready to come off the bench.

2)  Mr. Stand and Deliver

This really needs no further explanation except to say that he has likely provided the best sex you’ve ever had.

You two can’t be together because he’s too busy giving the pipe to everyone else.

3)  The Sugar Daddy

The Sugar Daddy is typically 15-25 years older than his sugar baby. He has money and isn’t afraid to spend it. As a matter of fact, spoiling you is his greatest joy. [Think Donald Trump and his wife, Melania, only you're not married.]

You two can’t be together because you’re not attracted to him and his man-parts aren’t functioning as well as they used to, so he’ll settle for anything he can get, even if it’s just companionship or an occasional BJ.

4)  Man in Waiting

This guy is someone you want as your own, but for whatever reason – albeit timing – you know that will never happen, at least not anytime soon. You keep him around as a Plan Z of sorts.  You two probably have an agreement that if neither of you is married by ___ age, you’ll marry each other.

You two aren’t together because he is constantly in and out of relationships, but until he gets married, you will keep hope alive.

and finally…

5)  The Ex

I know what you’re thinking…this is dangerous territory. But, let me explain.  You shouldn’t just recruit any old ex to be a part of the team. He should be one with which things ended amicably, but also with whom you feel completely at ease. Around him, you can be yourself.  You can expel all manner of gaseous fumes and he won’t even flinch, and since you all have been there and done that, he can offer up great advice regarding current relationships with other men without advancing his own agenda.  Here, you must choose wisely.

You two aren’t together because…

Note: You are sexually involved with ONLY ONE of your players. This is no accident. Women tend to lose sight of the goal and unintentionally allow their emotions to get the best of them.  Keep your emotions at bay by limiting your sexual partners to 1 (if you so choose to engage in any sexual activity at all).

What do you think? Have you ever considered starting a team? Do you think this is the way to go while you wait for Mr. Right to come along?

I could care less about rankings because, at the collegiate level, much of what makes a school “good” is its ranking (or more specifically its reputation) which has little to do with the level of intelligence of its students and faculty, or unique teaching methods which could possibly give its students a competitive edge.  If there are “good” schools, what exactly is a “bad” school?

I was shocked when I read comments made about Ralph Jones Jr., a 16-year-old African-American boy, who opted to attend a Historically Black College/University (HBCU) rather than Harvard primarily because no one should be chastised for attending ANY college. Furthermore, what makes his choice to attend Florida A&M University (FAMU) so deplorable?

It is a widely held MISconception that ONLY the best and the brightest attend schools like Yale or Harvard, since our very own former President, George W. Bush, attended both and can hardly be considered the best or the brightest at anything.  The Ivy League system has simply created a “club” of sorts that is exclusive to extremely bright or rich men and women.  This “club” isn’t actually better than any other college or university, its prestige rests on its ability to recruit the best and the brightest students because of former students who attended and went on to accomplish great things. The only quality that possibly separates “the club” from other universities is its network, but Jones won’t need it.  His intelligence will ultimately take him where he wants to go, not his alma mater.

Everything we NEED to know, we actually learned in kindergarten, and any additional knowledge is acquired in elementary and high school. College doesn’t turn kids into geniuses. They either already are or are not.

The same goes for schools that are known for their outstanding athletic programs.  I understand that some kids dream of playing for certain coaches and schools for various reasons, but Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU) and other modestly ranked schools are  constantly reminding the masses that players make the team, and thereby the school, and the same goes for its students.  In this year’s NCAA Tournament, FGCU destroyed brackets across the country, eliminating basketball powerhouses like Georgetown and Miami, and unfortunately, my Aztecs as well. Wouldn’t it make more sense for an exceptional athlete to go where he can shine rather than simply blend in with the other talent?  What’s in a name?

All things considered, Jones had good reason to choose FAMU over Harvard, and besides, it’s cold as he** in Cambridge!

Do you think Jones’s decision to attend FAMU over Harvard was foolish?  Do you subscribe to the ideology that some colleges and universities are “better” than others? If so, why?

These past two weeks, have seen the resurgence of the fight to legalize gay marriage, and although I remain indifferent, there are some aspects of this fight that annoy me, and which have compelled me to finally speak on this issue.

Opposition of gay marriage does not equal hate of homosexuals, no matter how you slice it.  This is not to say that some people who oppose Prop 8 don’t also hate homosexuals, but all people who oppose Prop 8 don’t hate homosexuals.  Most who oppose gay marriage do so because of their religious beliefs.  When your core values come in conflict with the law, the law will lose every time.  Therefore, just because my friend is Muslim and believes that men should be able to have multiple wives, and I believe in monogamy, doesn’t mean I hate polygamists. It just means I don’t believe in polygamy, and given that we both have the freedom to believe what we believe, he should not be held in contempt for his convictions and neither should I.

The argument for gay marriage is misplaced. Instead of trying to get people to wake up one day and believe that gay marriage, and thereby, homosexuality are ok (which is HIGHLY unlikely), why not attack the root of the problem, which is the fact that we are even allowed to VOTE on whether certain people can get married or not? That, to me, is the real issue.  If my God says that eating cheese is wrong, you’re NEVER going to change my mind about eating cheese.  Get over it and find another way to get the desired result because that’s not going to cut it.

Stop equating the gay issue with the plight of Blacks in America.  There have been no shortage of gay people on my TV, in film, at church, at school, at places of employment or anywhere else.  Our prisons are not filled with homosexuals (well maybe not until AFTER they’ve been in for a while) and gay people practically dominate the entertainment industry, which inadvertently puts them in a position of mass influence.  There are no straight-only water fountains or establishments and no one makes gay people sit at the back of the bus. MY fight, as a Black women, is BIGGER than the ability to call my connection with another human being marriage. MY fight can directly affect my financial status, my pride, and my future.  I cannot hide my blackness nor does it give me the upper hand in ANY situation or circumstance.  So, pardon me if I don’t change my profile picture on Facebook, write my Congressman, or engage in a battle of wits about whether Mike and Bob should be recognized as husband and husband.  There is still work to be done with regards to MY fight, and there has been for over 400 years.

Lastly, since many advocates are calling this a civil “rights” issue, why have proponents of gay marriage  failed to assert which actual ‘rights” they are being denied aside from being unable to marry in the legal sense of the word versus establishing a domestic partnership? This is information which might help myself and others make a more informed decision on the matter rather than an emotionally charged one.  The Civil Rights Movement was one in which we fought for “rights” – to vote, to be educated, to own property, to be free. We didn’t seek to change the meaning of equality or humanity, only to prove that we should be counted as one whole human being and thus, were entitled to be treated as such.

What is the difference, legally, between marriage and a domestic partnership?  What rights are in question?  What are your thoughts on the issue of gay marriage?  If the term marriage is redefined, where will the line be drawn in terms of who can get married and who can’t? 

Are mantras like “you only live once” and songs that suggest “partying like you’re going to die young” healthy ways of viewing our time here on earth?  I have recently dubbed millennials, the YOLO Generation, because their leaders, Drake and Lil Wayne, have adopted a lifestyle which seems to shun common sense and praise irresponsibility.  In turn, their “disciples” seem to have little regard for their health, well being or their life, in general.

When you say, “You Only Live Once,” what does that really mean?  On one hand, I interpret it to mean, “no fear.” But, sometimes fear is healthy.  It is necessary to prevent us from behaving foolishly and putting ourselves and others in danger.  On the other hand, it can give you the gumption or the wherewithal necessary to be wildly successful and attain your dreams without hangups, feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure.

When I heard Ke$ha’s Die Young lyrics, I cringed. I thought to myself, ‘why would anyone want to die young.’  Does “going hard” now trump longevity?  With youngsters like Lil Wayne and Rick Ross suffering  seizures and strokes at such young ages, it seems as though it does, at least among the YOLO Generation.  When I was growing up, death was something no one looked forward to.  We didn’t even talk about it, as simply the thought of it made us realize our own mortality.

Folks my age are all about their health.  I know my fair share of vegans, or half-a** vegans I like to call vegatarians, HerbaLifers, Shakeologists and those who won’t even let water touch their lips if it’s not organic.  Part of me wonders if my generation would benefit more from having this sort of mentality?  After all, living in the moment and throwing caution to the wind makes for an exciting life.

If you say to yourself, ‘you only live once, so go talk to that guy or that girl,’ or ‘start that business,’ that’s fine. But, saying yolo to convince yourself to pop some molly eh…not so much.  I want to be successful and enjoy life, but I also want to live long enough to see the fruits of my labor.

What does “living”entail? I suppose the answer is subjective, as people have varying ideas of what it means to be successful and how true happiness is attained.  All I know is, I am not working hard so I can pop bottles in a club and drink myself into a coma. I am striving for success for my family, present and future, because ultimately that’s what matters to me in this life.

What is success to you? Do you work hard so you can play hard? Do you think the YOLO Generation is onto something or is their mentality as futile as it seems?

As I entered the lounge searching frantically for a familiar face, I saw him. He appeared quite uncomfortable by my presence. Once he learned that I was apart of the group he gathered therewith, he couldn’t decide whether to hug me, tell me his name, shake or simply stand to acknowledge the entrance of a lady.

He stood.

As I greeted my friends and others I didn’t know, I noticed him watching me.  He was the bohemian type – think Bob Marley sans dreads.  He was attractive although not really my type.

The DJ played a familiar song, and we all flocked to the dance floor, except him. He danced enthusiastically while remaining seated. When my friend and I told him he couldn’t dance that hard sitting down, his friend quickly pointed out that if he were wheelchair-bound, we’d think nothing of it. We laughed and agreed, and allowed him to continue his erratic chair dancing unfettered.

I caught him again – only this time staring at my hips – as I moved them in a slow, almost hypnotic,  wind.

Finally, unable to resist the baseline of Ms. Fat Booty, he freed himself from the confines of his seat and moved rhythmically to the dance floor.  Ironically, he glided over to me and we swayed together but he respectfully maintained a distance.  Afterwards, we sat down to talk.  I immediately noticed he wore a ring on his left finger, and asked if he was married.

He was.

He explained that he and his wife met in Canada and pursued a long distance relationship before marrying.  We discussed the ills of dating in LA, and the inevitable question of why I wasn’t married.

We had a fire conversation, but I knew at the end of the night, I would go my way and he would go his – knowing I met him only for a reason, certainly not a season or a lifetime.  So, you can imagine my confusion when he asked, “so how can we stay in touch?”

I immediately said, “we can’t.”

He said, “but I find you interesting. I want to know you.”

All I could think about were all the married men I had encountered in my past.  I wondered what his wife was like, and if she would go HAM if she were a fly on the wall of the tavern watching him affirm his attraction to me and insist that we be “friends.”

He made a convincing argument, but nothing would change my mind. He did, however, pose an interesting question.

He asked offended, “so because I’m married I can’t have friends?”

It did seem a bit harsh to banish every married man to “no-female-friends” land never to return to civilization, but what could come of a friendship between a single woman and a married man? What would I be getting out of the deal?

“Honestly,” I told him, “I don’t have time for any more friends. If you’re not already a friend, and you’re not going to help me achieve my professional or personal (marriage/family) goals, there is no room for you in my life.  I have to stay focused.”  I know it sounds mean, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I had to be blunt.

He pleaded his case once again to no avail, and when I readied to leave, he walked me to my car and wished me a good night and the best in life.

I still wonder though, should married men befriend women they meet after marrying? Isn’t this playing with fire?  Can a man and woman who are attracted to each other just be friends?

If you asked most people whether having a mother and a father in the home is essential to raising a happy, well-adjusted child, most would agree that it is.  Rom coms like Baby Mama (2008) and The Backup Plan (2010) explore the plight of the single woman who is ready for marriage and children, but has been unsuccessful in finding a suitable mate.  Both films show that a woman’s decision to voluntarily become a single mom is still looked upon unfavorably by society, and both stress the idea that it is better to wait and find a mate with which to raise children rather than going it alone.

Additionally, as of late, gay rights, and specifically gay marriage, have been a topic of great concern. The issue of gay marriage, often raises another issue for fodder – gay parenting.  Naturally, if you believe that homosexuality is wrong, it would follow that gay marriage and gay parenting wouldn’t be on your top 10 list of causes to support. But, what if you support gay marriage and thereby, gay parenting?

Without getting too deep into the issue of being gay, I am more interested in beginning a discussion about what, if anything, a child may lack or how one may be influenced by having same-sex parents.  In this day and age, when a woman gets pregnant out of wedlock, she is often slandered for her decision to procreate with a man who is not her husband, or in instances where the woman is artificially inseminated, she is deemed selfish and not acting in the best interest of her child even if she is financially, emotionally and physically able to raise a child on her own.  But, why? What I noticed is that it isn’t the “number” of people dedicated to raising a child that made the case of the artificially inseminated mother an abhorence, and it isn’t even the lack of commitment that causes others to shun the unwed single mother. It seems to be the absence of a mother AND father figure consistently present in the home that insights apathy towards the single mother in both scenarios.

Psychological studies have shown that children who grow up in 2-parent households (male and female) are  typically more well-adjusted and confident than their counterparts who do not. Do children NEED a mother AND a father to become whole, emotionally stable human beings? If one is an advocate for gay parenting, doesn’t this directly refute the idea that a mother and father are essential elements in a child’s development?  There are certain things that a woman provides that a man cannot, and vice versa.  Therefore, it would follow that if a child is without one or the other, it would somehow impact or negatively affect the way in which that child views the world and relates to others in society.

I cannot reconcile the two.  Can you? Many men and women who grew up in dysfunctional and single parent homes have struggled to overcome the absence of their mother or father, or both. Is a mother and a father necessary to the proper development of children?   If so, why is gay parenting celebrated and single parenthood shunned? Which situation is more ideal?   

Beyonce is fake.  I can proclaim this without being dubbed a hater  because everyone knows (including the Lord) I used (emphasis on “used”) to be a HUGE Beyonce fan.  However, I am trying to pinpoint the exact moment when my interest and infatuation with her began to subside. Right now, the wheels are turning.

I’m pretty sure it began with her performance of “Deja Vu” at the 2006 BET Awards when she began writhing on the floor all in the name of entertainment.  Or, was it when I almost mistook Beyonce for a white woman in a L’Oreal ad where she proclaimed to be African American, Native American and French?  All I know is, by the time she got around to faking her pregnancy, she literally only had an ounce of my respect, which now has all been lost.  She is the most shallow, disingenuous entertainer in American history.  Who fakes a pregnancy? The moment I laid eyes on the picture of Bey’s stomach folding as she sat down for a live interview, I knew I would never look at her the same, and the fact that she is still maintaining that she was pregnant doesn’t help.

I remember thinking, after her first interview with Oprah back in 2008, that I had learned NOTHING new about Beyonce.  It was one of the most boring, uninspired interviews I’ve ever seen.  She went through a bunch of Where do you live? How old are you? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  first date-type questions. There was no real meat and potatoes to this charade interview.  So, when I heard that she was sitting down with Oprah again, I was hardly moved to watch.

Furthermore, I was certain that even though her documentary titled, Life Is But A Dream, was supposed to show a side of Beyonce “we’ve never seen before,” it would turn out to be some contrived tale of her life that would attempt to present her as a perfect, infallible, emotionally deep human being, when really, she’s the exact opposite. Without even watching it, I’m sure it failed miserably, and according to reviews, it did. The Washington Post thought the movie included nothing we didn’t already know about Bey, and called it “a hallucinatory advertisement for success and lamented its lack of linear narrative.”

Her emotional sterility is why Bey sucks as an actress. She has no soul. I took Drama in college and learned that actors must use their emotions to connect with their audience, but Beyonce just isn’t THAT deep. She was even unsuccessful in her role as a troubled singer when she portrayed Etta James in Cadillac Records, even though she is a singer who has experienced troubles of her own. How can this be?

The last straw, for me, was Beyonce’s decision to lip sync the National Anthem at the Inauguration, but to perform LIVE at the Super Bowl. Talk about not having your priorities in order. Furthermore, singing the national anthem live at a pre-Superbowl press conference did little to boost public perception or right her wrong..

Bey: We all know you CAN sing the national anthem; the problem is, you didn’t.

Don’t cry for her though.  Beyonce will ALWAYS have her beloved queens and teens to worship her, but as far as I’m concerned, she lost one.

Typically, if a celebrity is mentioned in this section of this blog, you all know I’m going IN. But, I jumped at the chance to personally interview one of my favorite comedians, Mr. J Anthony Brown about all things funny.  Brown is  making major moves as a co-host on the highly acclaimed, Tom Joyner Morning Show, as owner and proprietor of the J Spot Comedy Club in Los Angeles, and now as a manufacturer of “Hotter Than A Mofo” hot sauces and gourmet foods.

A true mogul never sleeps, and as a veteran in this industry, Brown gives great advice to aspiring comedians, talks Katt Williams, sings, explains why he only works with women, shares his unique perspective on the critically acclaimed Tarantino film, Django, and much much more.  We could have talked for hours, well at least I could have, but we still covered a lot of ground.

J. Anthony Brown sits down with 30thoughts:

Listen to the full podcast here

Don’t you wish you could cut through all the red tape, and ask the questions that really matter when it comes to finding out more about a potential mate?  It’s sad that it has come to this, but wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to rely on uninformative Google, Facebook and background searches to find out pertinent and viable information about our dates?  Being forthright about what type of relationship you desire and past or present responsibilities could save both parties a lot of time and heartache, but many fail to do so.

If I could request that each potential suitor complete and sign an application prior to even the first date, this is how the form would look:

30thoughts Dating and Romantic Inquiries Application

When approached, I would simply hand the interested party a business card with a link to the application.  Once he has completed and submitted the application, I will review it and contact him if I am interested or do nothing if I’m not interested.

If you feel so inclined, feel free to either use the form I’ve created or formulate your own.  If this process can be used to apply for jobs, why shouldn’t it be applicable to dating too? After all, getting married is one of the most important things you will ever do in this life, so finding the right mate should be taken just as seriously.

If you were presented with a dating application, would you complete it? What would you add or take away from the one I created?  Do you think such an application process would help to alleviate misunderstandings and uncertainty as to the intent of the parties involved?