relationship rhetoric, Uncategorized

Dear TT: Am I Needy?

Dear TT,

When I’m in a relationship with a man I tend to go NUTS when I don’t receive a call from him on a regular basis.  Even if there are no other signs of problems or changes I get angry if a night goes by without a phone call.  I start thinking all kinds of crazy things about who he’s with, why didn’t he call…I let these thoughts consume me.  Even to the point of damaging how I feel about the person as I start withdrawing emotionally to safeguard my heart.  Am I needy?

Dear ‘Am I Needy,’

Thank you for writing in! I can understand why you would think you might be needy. But, in reality, it sounds more like you may have trust issues.  Could it be possible that you crave this constant attention and communication because you think, when they’re not in touch with you, they’re up to no good?  Based on what you’re thinking while he’s away, I would say that you don’t trust him, or you don’t trust men in general, which I believe is different from simply being needy.

Neediness, I associate with clinginess.  Some people are needy and crave attention because they have too much time on their hands, or at least more time than their partner, which results in them trying to fill that time or void.  When their partner is chronically unavailable, this makes them feel unimportant or lonely.  If this were the case, I’d say, “get a life.” But, this doesn’t sound like what you’re going through.

I would highly suggest you address your trust issues because they will only get worse.  Even if you do find a man who is willing to give you all the time you desire, it will never be enough.  Also, don’t forget, men typically aren’t ever as attentive as they are in the beginning of a relationship when they are trying to woo you, so I wouldn’t take it personally if you all now spend 22 hours a day together, as opposed to 24, like before.  Even lovers need a holiday. Good luck with your current and future relationships!


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