relationship rhetoric, Uncategorized

Fiance Formula

Love = timing + chemistry²

     However, if I were asked what the single most important ingredient of a successful loving relationship is, I would have to say, it’s timing.  Timing is everything.  Chris Rock said it best in Never Scared when he cleverly stated that, “you will never meet the perfect person and even if you do, it won’t be the perfect time.  Either he’s married and you’re single, she’s Jewish and you’re Palestinian, or you’re a Black woman and he’s a Black man (LOL).”  Although said in jest, there is definitely truth to this.  If the timing is off, I agree that it simply will not work.

     But, the lingering question is, can timing ever override chemistry? If timing is the key component to a successful relationship, doesn’t that imply that if the timing is right and you meet someone that isn’t necessarily “better” or more marriage-worthy than all your previous love interests, you are more likely to settle down with that person?  I would say so, based upon the stories I’ve heard about women waiting years for a man to marry them.  As soon as they break up, they find out later he was engaged and married to someone else after knowing them for a New York minute, leaving her to assume that maybe he just didn’t want to marry her, when it was actually just bad timing.

     I’m sure many of you have heard of, or had similar experiences.  You met Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, but you all just weren’t on the same page as far as the future was concerned.  So, if timing trumps chemistry and all other things, shouldn’t the woman who has already invested 5+ years in a relationship, hoping that her boyfriend will pop the question, just wait for him to do so, rather than leaving him and starting all over again?  Literally, as I write, my initial thoughts on a situation like this, are changing.  Previously, I would suggest that the woman leave if she has been with her man that long, and he still hasn’t asked her, and shows no signs of popping the question in the near future. But, now, since I truly believe timing is crucial, maybe the best thing for her to do is wait until their paths are aligned and he is ready to make the ultimate commitment.  Of course, this is assuming they already have a healthy and mutually respectful relationship, devoid of drama.

I think most people, especially men, understand chemistry to be most important in findng true love.  They believe that once they meet “the One”, then love and marriage will be a natural, welcomed progression.  This is the notion many men have that, “the one,” will make them want to settle down and take on the responsibility of raising a family.  Is this rational?  It is, if you believe that chemistry is most important in finding and choosing a mate because in this scenario, the man commits based on how he feels, not necessarily because he is “ready” to commit.

(And yes, in my “formula,” I am equating love with marriage in that typically once we’ve found love, we want to get married).

Is there a formula for love? A math professor gives his formula for love, allowing men to calculate the age at which they should propose to yield the best results.  What do you think matters most, chemistry or timing?  What do you think is the formula for love?



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