relationship rhetoric

Relationship Red Flags [Revised]

     The dating game (I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a game) has become more convoluted and confusing than ever.  After a break up, I often find myself wondering if I should have seen “it” coming.  Not to say that I am not at fault for any of these break ups, but assuming I’m not (lol), are there certain types of men that women should avoid altogether? 

     To keep from wasting time, women are often told to look out for unfavorable characteristics in men that we like to call “red flags.”  A red flag is that piece of information or behavior that is supposed to put us on notice that we’re dealing with a lost cause or a loose canon, and that we should run in the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible. But, what should and should not be viewed as a red flag, has become unclear.  So, I think it’s time we re-evaluate existing red flags and determine their current validity. 

     I have listed some of the most common red flags. Do they still hold true?  If so, are there special circumstances that could make them acceptable?

The “Home” Boy

As I approached my late 20s, I began to hear a lot about men who were still living with their mothers or parents , well into their 30s.  I understand that it is acceptable in some cultures for a man to live with his parents until he is married.  It isn’t frowned upon or considered to be grounds for refusal.  But, in American culture, is this a sign of irresponsibility or lack of maturity?  Should a woman be open to dating a man who still lives at home with his parent(s)? If so, under what conditions?

The Gay BFF

In the wake of learning that Biggie Smalls had an openly gay best friend (not Diddy), I am inclined to wonder if this should be a cause for concern.  I know this is a touchy subject, but with all the down-low men surfacing, this is something women should know sooner rather than later.  Should a woman be leery of a man who hangs out with gay men, or who has a male, gay best friend? 

The “Perfect” Guy

You know him! He’s, well…perfect. He’s in his late 30s, early 40s, successful, good looking, no children, never been married and surprisingly SINGLE.  Comparitively speaking, people automatically assume a woman with these same stats is crazy or has issues.  However, back in the day, many assumed a man of this caliber was gay.  Since gay men are actually marrying women and having children the old fashioned way, I’m sure you see our dilemma.  Is this red flag still relevant considering both men and women are also waiting later to marry and start a family?

The Serial Monogamist

His hair is a red flag.

I know you’re thinking, ‘at least he’s willing to commit.’  Well, commitment is only half the battle.  Getting a man to marry you is not the end of it, as it was intended to be a lifelong commitment.  Yet, many serial monongamists have been married multiple times, or they’re always in a relationship, mainly because they enjoy the “honeymoon stage” – the butterflies, the courting -basically, the audition.  They often commit quickly, thinking they’re in love, but when the going gets tough, they get going.  Is this behavior that can be rectified if the serial monogamist marries or commits to the “right” woman?  Is serial monogamy a red flag? 


Red FLAG:  The Green-Eyed Monster

In the beginning, it can be quite flattering to be involved with a man who can’t stand it when you’re not around.  He calls you multiple times a day and gets sick at the thought of some other man even breathing on you.  You are the only woman for him and he WON’T live without you.  Is this type of guy likely to become violent?  Should his unwavering affection be construed as abnormal or should we just be thankful to have a guy that’s “crazy” about us?



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