relationship rhetoric

Unconventional Ways To Get Over Your Ex


Breaking up is hard to do.  But, we all go through it at some point in our lives.  Along the way, I’ve discovered several healthy ways to get over your ex.  They may not be your traditional methods of mourning, but they definitely do the trick…

 

 

You’re Dead To Me

…Or, they might as well be.  This way of thinking of your ex is healthy even though it sounds harsh.  If you think of your ex as deceased, you will no longer cling to the possibility of reconciliation in the future.   There is no future for you two.  She’s dead to you.  This can also help you avoid relapsing and attempting to contact the deceased.  If he/she is dead, it is easier to accept the fact that you will never see or speak to this person ever again; thereby, relieving you of a terrible case of the what-ifs (what if he lost his phone and doesn’t have my number anymore, but he really wants to call, what if he’s hurt and can’t get to a phone, but he really wants to call).  This could go on forever.  But…not if he’s dead to you.

Highlight ALL their imperfections

 This is a good time to be as petty as possible.  Dig deep.   His incessant snoring and excessive back hair should be at the top of this list.  Her ugly feet and bad weave should make the list, as well.  Be superficial.  No one is going to read this but you.  This person broke your heart! Get mad!  And later, you may just realize that you were actually doing THEM a favor.

Listen to Love Songs…(the mushier, the better)

I know, you’re thinking, how can listening to love songs make you feel better about a break up?  Listening to sappy love songs or watching romantic films will help you cry (some don’t need any help doing this), which is a necessary part of the grieving process.   Furthermore, there are enough love songs to apply to every scenario imaginable –  You caught him cheating (Bust Your Windows, Jazmine Sullivan),  Forbidden love (Into The Night, Benny Mardones),  Tumultuous relationships (Rehab, Rihanna),  Unrequited love (I Can’t Make You Love Me, Bonnie Rait).  You name it, there’s a song about it.  It just helps to know that you’re not the only one going through a particular situation, and some songs can also provide much needed closure, as they may give you answers to the whys and why nots you would otherwise never receive from the departed.

Make a list of all the things that make YOU amazing

…and unique.  Like Chris Rock said, “there’s no way he’ll EVER find another girl that loves Seinfeld and the Wu Tang Clan,” and she’ll never meet a guy who’s smart, sexy AND makes a mean red velvet cake.  Knowing your worth and the value you brought to a relationship can help you heal quicker because you stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you will love and be loved again because you are, in fact, AMAZING.

Write a letter or email that you will NEVER send

I’ve been writing since I was 7, so journaling has always been quite therapeutic for me.  But, I believe it is extremely beneficial even if you don’t necessarily enjoy writing.  It helps to get it all out.  You can say EXACTLY what you’d say if that person were standing in front of you, without holding back.  And, it doesn’t matter how childish and pathetic you sound because no one will ever see it.

Redirect your pain

Wow! He's MAD!

This is actually an old remedy.  If you hurt your toe, having someone punch you in the stomach can make you forget all about the pain in your toe.  Working out can have the same effect.  If you wear yourself out physically, the pain in your heart will subside.  Besides, the next time he or she sees you, you want them to REGRET letting you go, you don’t want to reaffirm their decision. So, instead of gorging on donuts and ice cream, run until it hurts.

Notice how harmless and LEGAL all of these suggestions are.  Putting sugar in gas tanks and defacing personal property is so 8th grade.  It might make you feel good at the moment, but it doesn’t change anything in the long run, except that now, a restraining order has been issued against you.  You can thank me later.

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Discussion

6 thoughts on “Unconventional Ways To Get Over Your Ex

  1. I love that you’ve highlighted LEGAL and productive ways to channel the pain that comes from a breakup. My personal favorite “You’re dead to me.” That’s been something that I’ve had to do when dealing with an ex.

    Posted by @ionamagazine | May 12, 2011, 7:10 PM
    • “I love that you’ve highlighted LEGAL and productive ways to channel the pain that comes from a breakup. My personal favorite “You’re dead to me.” That’s been something that I’ve had to do when dealing with an ex.”

      It really helps, doesn’t it?! Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all wanted to do horrible things to our exes, but it’s just not the way to go…Implementing these strategies will have you back on your feet in no time!

      Posted by thirtythoughts | May 12, 2011, 8:21 PM
  2. Spot on. The ‘you’re dead to me’ step is extremely tricky for exes who share kids, work together or live near each other. That’s why no matter how perfect the guy is I will never date a guy at my workplace or who lives in the same appartment (road, block etc) as me.

    Posted by Mimi | May 13, 2011, 1:07 AM
    • “Spot on. The ‘you’re dead to me’ step is extremely tricky for exes who share kids, work together or live near each other. That’s why no matter how perfect the guy is I will never date a guy at my workplace or who lives in the same appartment (road, block etc) as me.”

      You’re right…That’s brutal having to see your ex every single day…We’ll call them “hovering exes.” Having a hovering ex could work to your advantage, however. Men ALWAYS want what they can’t have. So, you should always look your best when he comes around if you can help it. Once he consistently sees what he’s missing, it will send him into a perpetual state of regret, and you will instantly get your mojo back.

      The worst thing you can do in this type of situation is let him see you “sweat.” Save the sulking for when you’re behind closed doors. When you’re in his presence, be confident, sweet and indifferent. This will confuse him.

      Until you find the courage to take the steps above, do the other things I suggested. They will definitely help you get through the initial grieving stages of the break-up.

      Posted by thirtythoughts | May 13, 2011, 2:29 AM
  3. This HAS to be the funniest post I’ve read on this site. And I have read some very humorous posts, here. But this one takes the cake! I’m sitting here crunch over and holding my stomach from all the laughter.

    I’m cracking up at the first thing on your list. Have you actually done this before or are you pulling our legs? I don’t think I’ve ever forced myself to believe an ex was dead. I’m sure some might’ve felt as much about me though.

    I too found myself writing letters I knew I’d never send. In doing so, I was able to remove that initial burst of negative energy from within my system and (in my heart) come to grips with the fact that she was gone. Good advice, Miriam, cause we all know that whatever is balled up inside of a person must come out.

    Redirecting your pain is another good one. As you stated, exercising not only wears you down physically but it also helps you sleep better at night. When you’re trying to past a breakup, you’re well on your way to success if you find yourself sleeping throughout the night.

    Posted by Don | December 28, 2013, 12:33 AM
    • Thanks Don!! Lol. But, I actually do all the things I listed.

      I have thought an ex dead figuratively speaking. Meaning, their existence no longer matters to me and I cut off all ties. It helps to just break it off cold turkey! Lol

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 28, 2013, 8:53 AM

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