relationship rhetoric

The BEST men reside in…

 The ladies of Sex and the City would have us believe that New York is the BEST place to meet eligible single men, thus making IT the happiest place on earth.  And I guess, since I take a more traditional approach (men court women) to dating and relationships, I would have to agree that it is.  In the words of Jay-Z (sort of), I’ve found that L.A. dudes “go to parties to ice grill.”  But, N.Y. dudes “go to parties to party with nice girls.”  Clubs in Los Angeles/ Hollywood would often remind me of those grade school dances where the boys and girls remained on opposite sides of the room, until one brave lad finally stepped out of his comfort zone and asked a girl to dance.  Completely juvenile.

Some say, fly south, if you want to find a good man who’s ready to settle down, others insist men are the same no matter where you live. I know several women in L.A. who haven’t had a real boyfriend in years, and I often wonder if it’s just us, or if this is something women are experiencing all over the country.

Do men’s personal objectives vary based upon where they live or where they were raised?  Does location determine when they will marry and the type of woman they’ll choose? I considered that locale may be the reason for differing perspectives on dating after I read an article written by a guy who lives on the east coast stating that there are too many good Black women.  Days later, I spoke with a male friend, born, raised and currently living in L.A., who stated that there was a shortage of good Black women, the exact opposite. Interesting…

New York(East Coast)

When I visited N.Y., I was overwhelmed by the variety of men and the voracity with which I was pursued.  These men were much more aggressive than any I had ever encountered in L.A.  Many of them had foreign or N.Y. accents (WIN) and they LOVED California girls (WIN, again) because they said California girls tend to be softer, more feminine and put more effort into their appearance, than east coast girls.  I was approached by more men in 4 days in N.Y., than I had been in months in L.A.  Although I’m American, for some reason, I felt foreign to the N.Y. gents. I felt like a delicacy that they could only find in one place, at one point in time, that they absolutely HAD to have.  The response was overwhelming, and leads me to believe that if I lived in N.Y., I’d definitely be boo’d up on a regular, if not married by now. 


Nelly is not my type, but he and Ashanti have been boo'd up for quite some time. Could it be because of his country grammar?

Dating in the south or midwest would seem to have its pros and cons.  Although the number of professional men may not be as plentiful as in the big city, I think men who grow up or live in the south are definitely more likely to marry and start a family at a younger age.  I always attributed this to the fact that, in the south and midwest, there’s much less to do.  Besides, if you live in a small city, there are typically only 1 or 2 local hangouts.  By age 21, you’ve met everyone in town, so your chances of “upgrading” are slim to none, and the concept of “dating around” seems pointless.  A larger percentage of the men I’ve dated here in L.A., have in fact been from the south or the midwest. I have found them to be the most respectful, most appreciative of “real” women, and less superficial.  Interestingly, these men comprise the majority of my more serious relationships.

Los Angeles/Hollywood

And alas, there’s lala land, the City of Angels, the Golden State…L.A.  Once dubbed the land of opportunity because of the abundance of job prospects, I think L.A. is now known as such because of the wide variety of women it has to offer.  This might be why I would consider it the worst place to find a mate.  Women and men here are competing at the highest levels – not just with other good looking men and women, but with celebrities, as well.  Since it is not unlikely that one could run into a celeb on any given day, and some of the men here are delusional enough to think that, if they ever met one of these high profile dames, they would actually have a shot at winning them over, celebrities are also being considered as prospective mates. 

     But also, there are another set of men here (the majority) who have Lay’s syndrome and simply cannot pick just one.  There are tons of beautiful women of all ethinicities, shapes and sizes, and he is determined to have them ALL, even if it kills him (and it just might, vis a vis an STD).  This guy’s favorite song is probably Lil Wayne’s “Every Girl”, and he has yet to realize that he is now “the old guy in the club.”

What do you think is the worst major city for dating?  Most women that are single would probably say their OWN city is the worst.  I’d definitely say L.A. is the worst, but N.Y. (east coast) is the best.



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