fashion matters, male box

Street Etiquette: Fashion and the Heterosexual Male

This article may strike a nerve with all you men out there who want to make a “statement” with your clothing, and aspire to become fashion clones of flamboyant male fashionistas, like Andre 3000 and Pharrell, but still consider yourself heterosexual beings.  You know who you are.  Men who love fashion, (often referred to as metrosexuals) love this blog called Street Etiquette , which purports to “push the boundaries of Black style,” and I must say, they are pushing it all right.  This style of dress is great for a fashion spread, and can even be pulled off by a performer or entertainer, but much like runway fashions for women, heterosexual men would look ridiculous if they actually sported this stuff in public.  I can appreciate the effort, but floral print shirts and pants  for guys, are a no-no.

First, let me just say that women do appreciate a man who can dress himself properly, but let’s not get carried away!  These overly exuberant colors and jewelry clad men would definitely scare me away, and maybe that’s their intent.  But, men who are looking to attract women, should take these wardrobe suggestions with a grain of salt.  Furthermore, if I’m rushing out of the house one day, and it’s possible that, in haste, I might grab one of your shirts instead of mine, there’s definitely a problem.

That tie-scarf has got to go.

After reading an article about Street Etiquette in the New York Times , which talks about the creators, Travis Gumbs and Joshua Kissi, whose style is described as ‘Prep with a Twist’, I had to see what all the hype was about.  After all, these gentleman, and their unique fashion blog have been featured in articles for GQ Magazine and Urban Outfitters, and on average, receive about 20,000 hits a day.  Needless to say, the writing is awesome and the advice about fit and color coordination are excellent for men who are clueless about style.  BUT (you knew it was coming), I don’t know that I’d want to date a guy that dresses this way.  They look like characters straight out of a period piece (film about a certain era or period of time), and put entirely too much thought into ‘what to wear’ with accessories to match.

Love the white shoes, but the rings, necklaces and bracelets are a bit much

Personally, I think men should keep their accessories to a minimum.  As a matter of fact, one ring and a watch, or a bracelet and a necklace might even be too much for a conservative girl like me. Not only that, some of the pieces shown are also “female friendly,” meaning I could see myself wanting to borrow a shirt here and a bracelet there.  This is not cool.

Cute outfit = this shirt - that vest - those trousers + slacks

The highwater trouser look would guarantee rejection by the average woman, but some of the shirts paired with jeans or  slacks could work.  Men should wear these pieces sparingly, and should not wear too many “statement pieces” at once.

Guys, I know we women complain a lot about your frumpy, unimaginative style, but all we really ask is that you 1) match 2) avoid skinny jeans and 3) wear clothes that fit.  Further creativity, as evidenced in Street Etiquette, could have you kicking rocks after the first date, if you even get that far.

On a positive note, however, I loved most of the shoes they highlighted on the site.  I rarely see such unique styles for men, so kudos for that. Joshua Kissi,Travis Gumbs,Black Ivy,Street Etiquette,NYC Style, menswear bloggers,suiting, summer suits,linen suits, travis gumbs etiquette, style etiquette, sewn from the soul, brooklyn circus,andre 3000, mos def,club monaco suit, ll bean suit, club monaco style, ll bean style, black ivy style, Street , Etiquette, Joshua Kissi, Bronx style, The black Ivy, vintage style, thrift style, nyc mens, black men style

Ladies, would a guy make it to first base if he approached you in any of these getups?

For more on this from the author, visit:


46 thoughts on “Street Etiquette: Fashion and the Heterosexual Male

  1. This article is embarrassing. Thankfully not every man wants to date intellectual lowest-common-denominator women such as yourself. If you would be embarrassed to be seen with me, in my printed shirts, skinny jeans and leather boots, I can assure you I’d be exponentially more embarrassed to be associated with your stunted cognitive abilities.

    Yes, the “average” woman would reject me. But I am not interested in an “average” woman, and I doubt the fellows over at Street Etiquette are, either.

    “Not only that, some of the pieces shown are also “female friendly,” meaning I could see myself wanting to borrow a shirt here and a bracelet there. This is not cool.”

    Seems like jealousy and insecurity on your part, really.

    Posted by Brad Tiller | September 24, 2011, 12:06 AM
    • Dear Brad:

      Because I appreciate and respect the opinions of all those who comment on stories on my blog, yours will not be deleted. However, if my cognitive abilities were as “stunted” as you profess them to be, I would waste my breath defending this story.

      No, I do not want to be seen with someone who dresses like me, and may want to swap accessories and exchange make-up tips, as well. But, that’s me. I want a MAN!! If I want to date a girl, I will become a lesbian. DEATH TO SKINNY JEANS!!

      Posted by thirtythoughts | September 24, 2011, 12:28 AM
      • Ha, I had totally forgotten about this …

        The issue is, you aren’t just talking about what your personal preferences are here. You’re making sweeping statements about what men SHOULD be, not what you WANT them to be. I have a girlfriend. I have a penis. Often, those two things intersect. I also probably wear more make-up than you do and spend proportionally much more of my income than you do on clothing. If you think an interest in fashion and aesthetics hurts my relationship at all, you’re mistaken. Actually, it works out pretty well — since my girlfriend and I have similar hobbies and interests, we can spend a lot of time doing those things together. We will go to New York Fashion Week together next month.

        Have whatever preferences for partners that you wish, but don’t extend them into writing articles about a subject you don’t know anything about. This isn’t a message from straight women to straight men — it’s a message from YOU to your POTENTIAL CANDIDATES.

        “when a woman wears pants 99% of the time, in this day and age, people still think she’s probably a lesbian.”

        What fucked up place do you live? I’ve never heard such an absurd thing.

        Posted by Brad Tiller | January 21, 2012, 8:23 AM
    • Glad there’s some sanity on this blog, Brad. What an ignorant and closed minded piece of writing. Not too long ago, women wearing pants would have been considered manly and disgusting, with people dropping hints that they were “dykes.” Now nobody thinks twice. Why do people care so much about what other people do when it doesn’t affect them?

      Posted by Alex | November 1, 2011, 6:19 PM
      • Alex, again, my sentiment is that if you are not trying to attract women (which is the case with most of the men who found my advice offensive) then it’s all good. This is advice from a woman to heterosexual men on ways to add style to his wardrobe without overdoing it.

        Also, it was never considered “disgusting” for a woman to wear pants, it was simply improper, and not status quo, and still today, when a woman wears pants 99% of the time, in this day and age, people still think she’s probably a lesbian.

        If you think it’s cool for for men to walk around showing their assets and wearing tights, then it’s probably because you like looking at what they have. You and Brad should meet.

        Posted by 30thoughts | November 1, 2011, 8:50 PM
  2. I’ve repeatedly observed a curious reponse from those who attempt to be unconventional. With all of their espoused comtempt for the mundane if their “statement” of the anvant-garde is questioned, criticised or rejected they over-react in a extremely defensive manner. In other words, if you don’t care what the masses think when you make your choices then why whine when your perspective is not embraced universally?

    I always think for myself and that extends to the relm of fashion. But I’m older than thirty-something and I live in the mid-west where you don’t see as much of these extremes as when one goes to the east coast. I say that to say this, after a time hopefuly a man will evolve toward the classics in his style. He might then acentuate it with some small elements of ecentricity. For example, I could rock that stingy brim fadora and what appears to be the green linen sport coat. I even like the pocketsquare. I would have to mute some of that brightness with the right shirt probably a classic white dress shirt and slacks or jeans. But hey that’s just me.

    And just to fawn and otherwise ingraciate myself with the blogger; if a man has a woman or wants one, then what a woman thinks of a man’s attire always matters.

    Posted by Regular Brotha | October 20, 2011, 4:38 PM
    • @Regular Brotha – That’s all I’m saying…I was shocked to see the amount of negative feedback I received on my blog and on, where I wrote a similar story for their ‘Street Style’ section, for stating, what I felt, was the obvious. I loved a lot of the “pieces,” but the “outfits” as a whole were clownish and ridiculous.

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 20, 2011, 8:40 PM
    • Regular brother….are you married, seeing someone? Are you single b/c you sound divine, lol. Loved your response and your style of dress. Thanks for setting that guy straight.

      Posted by Courtney | October 24, 2011, 1:17 AM
  3. If it’s any consolation I discovered you through your link on Which I thought your article was well done.

    Just keep do’n you.

    Posted by Regular Brotha | October 21, 2011, 1:59 AM
  4. @Regular Brotha Thanks for visiting the site, and for your insightful and encouraging comments. Come back any time!

    Posted by 30thoughts | October 25, 2011, 12:37 AM
  5. I agree with Miriam I would’nt be caught dead wearing these outfits or “pieces”. “Pieces” who the hell, no better yet what guy even speaks this way?

    Men both straight and gay should stop at style with some fitted suits.

    Posted by Patrick | December 29, 2011, 9:01 AM
  6. @Patrick – At least someone’s got some sense!
    @Brad – Did you wait until you could say that you have a girlfriend to come back and share the fact that “your girlfriend” doesn’t mind that you dress like a queen?? Seems that way?

    Posted by 30thoughts | January 23, 2012, 11:15 PM
    • No, I’ve been with this girl for roughly two years now.

      Just saw a link back to this article on a message board and remembered that I had left a comment. Nobody’s arguing that you’re wrong in the sense that “average women” don’t want a guy who dresses like this. However, you conflate “average woman” with “pretty much all heterosexual women,” which is absurd. The fact that you have a “fashion” section on your blog yet write anti-fashion commentary like this is embarrassing.

      You see fashion as a means to an end — apparently, attracting a mate. That’s not the point at all, and you should refrain from speaking as if you were an expert if you can’t understand that.

      Posted by Brad Tiller | February 6, 2012, 11:11 PM
      • Brad,

        If I had said “pretty much all heterosexual women” rather than “average woman,” in my article, then your argument about absurdity would have some merit. But, I didn’t. Stop trying to add to, or take away from what was said just to make your point remotely valid. My article is not anti-fashion. It’s an “anti- straight men dressing in bright colored suits, skinny jeans and wearing jewelry all over their body” commentary. When others critique celebrity fashion choices, no one accuses them of being anti-fashion, so please don’t go there.

        Furthermore, I don’t see fashion as a means to an end. There’s just a right and wrong way to do fashion, and this, to me, is all wrong. I can say whatever I want without purporting, or actually being an expert. That’s the beauty of having MY OWN blog.

        Posted by 30thoughts | February 6, 2012, 11:56 PM
      • You can say whatever you want, indeed — but if you enable comments on your blog, expect people to voice dissenting opinions.

        Posted by Brad Tiller | February 7, 2012, 12:42 AM
      • Brad, I don’t mind dissenting opinions. That’s why I’ve made it a point to respond. I approve all comments, so if I didn’t care to have anyone disagree with me, I wouldn’t even approve the comments for posting.

        But, most people on the internet are not experts in the field they’re discussing, so don’t act like I have to be an expert to express my opinion about this sort of fashion.

        Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 2:57 AM
      • You’re a self-described “fashionista” and you blog regularly about fashion — while you’re not overtly calling yourself an expert, you’re at least implying you have some valuable knowledge in that area.

        Posted by Brad Tiller | February 7, 2012, 11:31 PM
  7. I find this article actually interesting, while I do think that these extremism’s in men’s fashion are successful in spurring the average man to some thoughts about style, I believe to attempt to emulate them is a mistake. Fashion is something as can be seen from the comments that people are passionate about. Individuals are vehemently willing to defend their personal style as an expression of themselves. It may be a true expression of them and therefore should not be tampered with at least the woman will know what she is getting. If the person is not looking for the Average person that is fine as well. The point of a woman not wanting to walk around with a billboard is true “most” women prefer a gentleman whose clothes fit, are ironed, unstained, and he looks neat. A gentle taste in fashion and style is also acceptable. I am a college student and my dress differs drastically from my peers, but that style is mostly classic although my shirts may have some stripes and gingham. I think that the idea of a wingtip and well tailored suit or nicely fitting sweater is perfectly appealing when worn correctly and classically. “NO PAISLEY PANTS” I’m in agreement here. Jeans that are not the baggiest thing ever or the tightest are acceptable and look fine. The author has identified a key point men should look at the “piece’s” (I think its perfectly acceptable for a male to use that word) and gain ideas, but not total looks. As for street etiquette, they look like overdone versions of black people who used to look just as nice as black people going to church during the mid 20th century. There is nothing new under the son dress respectable and women will respect you. Dress is any manner you feel appropriate and you will find someone who likes that it may not be a mass appeal though.

    Posted by Solomon | January 27, 2012, 2:14 AM
    • Thanks Solomon for your well-written, logical and well thought out reply. You make very good points. I too believe that there is someone for everyone, but you are correct in finding the main premise of the article – the likes and dislikes of the “average” woman, generally speaking. I can understand that men who dress like this are expressing their personal tastes, and if they’re happy with themselves and the response they are getting from the opposite sex, then this article is not for them.

      I think I simply pressed some buttons in letting men who like to dress like this know that I personally don’t care for it, nor do most women. When engaging in discussions like these, I like to give extreme examples of my arguments. I wonder how these men and women would feel about our President or any other representative of our country dressing in this fashion – loud colors, bracelets and rings, and skinny jeans – even in their leisure. No one would take him seriously and neither do we (me and women like me) with men who dress like this, simply put. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!


      Posted by 30thoughts | January 27, 2012, 3:42 AM
  8. Confronted with a point she can’t refute (that the “article” is about her personal preferences and has no basis in fact), the author essentially resorts to calling everyone who disagrees a fag. What an intelligent and mature response.

    Posted by bob | February 6, 2012, 11:08 PM
    • Bob,

      You obviously need to re-read the article or take a class on reading comprehension. The article was not simply a statement of my personal preferences. I am generalizing! That’s why Brad has his panties in a bunch. Again, I am not calling anyone a fag (I don’t use such language). I am simply saying MOST straight men don’t dress this way, nor should they start. You can agree or disagree with what I’m saying. I could care less. Facts are facts (“MOST” straight men don’t dress this way), and opinions are opinions (“nor should they start”). Thanks for stopping by!

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 6, 2012, 11:41 PM
  9. What I find hilarious/ironic is the fact that your view on men’s fashion – in which men who don’t prescribe to your rigid and outdated aesthetic standards either have no chance of attracting a woman/are gay – is exactly the same type of myopic thinking that you decry with pithy quotes like “Why is “black Friday” the only thing preceded by “black” that doesn’t have a negative connotation?”

    Also, I’m sorry but no matter how hard you argue, most people in the world don’t regard women wearing pants as closet lesbians. I think this comment functions better in revealing your own issues than trying to prove Brad wrong.

    Posted by Ben | February 7, 2012, 12:37 AM
    • Nice way to “reach.” My comment about Black Friday is an observation and HARDLY relates to a topic about heterosexual men and fashion. I don’t think you want to go there in desperately trying to make a correlation between how I feel about men’s fashion and racism. It is NOT the same thinking.

      Also, no one is arguing that women who wear pants are regarded as closet lesbians. You’re way off topic. If you have a comment about the article “Street Etiquette: Fashion and the Heterosexual Male,” I’d love to hear it, but let’s not get carried away. You might start something you can’t finish. You all commenting are making for a very entertaining Monday. Thanks for stopping by!

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 3:05 AM
  10. I, too, am a little surprised by the strong responses to this article. After all, you did say that you were speaking for the average woman. I will agree that it was a very average commentary showing your average tastes. I’m never surprised when the average woman attempts to correlate a man’s clothing choices with his sexuality. Is it a knee-jerk defense by the average woman who is threatened by a man who puts more attention into dressing than she does? This reaction isn’t just limited to the average woman- the average man also views a well-dressed man (i.e., a guy who doesn’t just default to Banana Republic) as a curiosity- one that must be looked down upon because he doesn’t conform. There’s a certain amount of comfort in being average…

    Posted by Not-so-average guy | February 7, 2012, 4:57 AM
    • Not-so-average guy,

      Please tell me why a woman would be “threatened” by a man who focuses more on how he dresses than she does. I’ll wait…
      Oh and very “original” play on the word “average,” but this was already done several times upthread.

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 5:09 AM
  11. I wouldn’t know- I’m not a woman. Maybe it has something to do with society’s idea that the woman is supposed to be the ‘pretty one’ the one to be looked at?

    I’ve actually been in relationships with women who would become threatened by the way I dress. One woman would get visibly angry if she thought I dressed better than her when we were off to a party. She would then go change so she thought she was dressed at least as well as I was. Another woman would sometimes cry because she thought I had nicer clothes than she did (her words, not mine). Yet another woman told me that I have ‘gay tendencies’ because I like clothing. Wait, I’m in a physical relationship with her, and she thinks I might not be heterosexual? How does that make any sense?

    I don’t dress flamboyantly at all. Mostly, I wear well-fitting (not skinny) jeans and button down shirts, wingtips, and nice hand knit sweaters. I’m always amazed by the number of comments that an outfit like that can generate. Are the average man and woman dressing so poorly that I am such a curiosity? I shudder to think…

    I wasn’t trying to be original by using ‘average’. You yourself equate your tastes with that of the ‘average woman’, and you say that you “concluded that most people [your] age were thinking about and discussing the same things” that you were thinking. So, there you go- by your own definition, you have average tastes.

    It’s easy to dismiss a guy if he dresses outside of this average box, but I hope that someday average women don’t feel the need to stereotype well-dressed (or even flamboyantly-dressed) men as at least potentially gay. Even the term ‘metrosexual’ is a semi-derogatory description of a guy who cares about how he looks. Plenty of homosexual men dress poorly, and, yes, some heterosexual men can dress quite well. Clothing choice has nothing to do with sexual preference.

    Posted by Not-so-average guy | February 7, 2012, 5:44 AM
    • Clearly, I am not, nor have I ever been the type of woman who would be threatened by the way a man dresses, embarrassed, yes. Honestly, I’ve never heard of such a thing (a woman being threatened by the way a man dresses).

      However, I thought I made myself very clear in the article. I didn’t say there was anything wrong with a man caring about the way he looks or dresses, it’s just that the men of Street Etiquette have gone too far. And, it isn’t necessarily that the average woman thinks that men who dress like this are gay. The only reason I made the distinction in the title is because it is acceptable for homosexual men to dress any way they want. I just know that this is not what most women find to be presentable as far as heterosexual men are concerned.

      The reason I wrote the article is because some men who simply don’t know how to dress, so they seek the advice of friends, family, blogs and other media. When I saw the website, all I could think was God-forbid heterosexual men start dressing like this. They already have to some extent with these skinny jeans. It would, alone, further limit our options when dating and mating. All I was saying to those men is, “take these clothing suggestions with a grain of salt.” I even acknowledged that some of the pieces were nice if worn differently or paired with different articles of clothing. I just think as a whole many of the outfits were over the top.

      Also, it would be difficult to separate clothing choice and sexual preference though since many homosexuals use clothing, hair and other things to assert their sexuality. It is what it is.

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 7:38 AM
  12. I beg to differ that you are not threatened by the way a man dresses. This whole article is about you feeling threatened. You said, and I quote, “These overly exuberant colors and jewelry clad men would definitely scare me away”, and “I don’t know that I’d want to date a guy that dresses this way”. You’re clearly creating a negative opinion of a man based on how he dresses. You even go so far to say in your above comment that it’s just not presentable to most women, rounding up at least 26% of the Earth’s population to share in your superficial viewpoint. After all, you’re basing whether or not to date (or mate- does anyone actually use this term?) a guy based on the tightness of his jeans. Who cares if he might make a fun date, caring boyfriend, or wonderful husband/father? He just doesn’t dress right. Try to have a little more of an open mind if you’re going to share your thoughts with the world.

    You say you don’t think that men who dress like that are gay, but you’re certain that Brad and Alex who commented above must be gay because they don’t care if guys wear what they want:
    “If you think it’s cool for for men to walk around showing their assets and wearing tights, then it’s probably because you like looking at what they have. You and Brad should meet.” I daresay there are plenty of women out there who also enjoy seeing men in tight jeans (and I don’t just mean skinny jeans).

    I hate to tell you, but it’s acceptable for any guy to dress however he wants, regardless of sexual orientation. Again, how closed-minded to think otherwise.

    Posted by Not-so-average guy | February 7, 2012, 8:33 AM
  13. Not-so-average guy,

    Please look up the definitions of scared and threatened before attempting to argue with me. The manner in which you are using threatened (and in mentioning your own personal experiences with women) imply that I am intimidated by a man who dresses in neon green suits and jewelry. That is not the case. I think you know that. Again, you are desperately trying to make a valid point, and you fail to do so. What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to change my preference as to how I and many other women would like their men to dress? Are you trying to get me to see that skinny jeans and highwater trousers are sexy on a man? Well, let me save you some time, it’s never going to happen.

    Furthermore, we all make judgments about people based on the way they are dressed. You’re no different. I hate it when people try to act like they’re not prejudice. When you go on a job interview, you dress a certain way because you want to appear competent and responsible. Don’t act as though you don’t conform to some extent when you choose the clothing you wear or that you don’t make assumptions about people based on the way they’re dressed, whether it be their personality or their sexuality.

    Again, I pose the example of our leadership dressing in this manner. Who would take the President or a senator, or even a religious leader seriously dressed like this? No one. It is what it is and I didn’t make it this way, but I know what I like and what many other women like, and it isn’t this.

    Regarding my back and forth with Brad and Patrick:
    The only people who adamantly defend this style of dress are men who dress this way, women who like men who dress this way, and men who are gay. But, I never said that I automatically assume a guy who dresses this way is gay. If I assumed that, upon viewing the Street Etiquette website, I would have written the authors off as gay, and never would have felt compelled to write this article.

    No offense, but I don’t want to have an open mind about this, nor do I have to in order to “share my thoughts with the world.”

    Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 9:47 PM
  14. I’m not offended by the fact that you are unwilling to have an open mind about judging or stereotyping people. Just don’t be so surprised when people jump down your throat the next time you care to share your judgements and stereotypes on the internet. It’s easy to feel comfortable doing so by just thinking everyone does it. It wasn’t that long ago that it was commonly acceptable to judge someone based on, say, skin color because, well, everyone was doing it. It is what it is?

    I’m not trying to change your tastes at all. I’m just pointing out how incredibly superficial your ideas about men and their clothing are. When trying to find a date, if you aren’t going to look past what a guy is wearing, then you’re likely missing out on a lot of nice guys.

    Good luck with the blog, and keep your fingers ready to respond to all the comments!

    Posted by Not-so-average guy | February 7, 2012, 11:15 PM
  15. I’m not surprised. I actually welcome it. This is why I started a blog to facilitate discussion. I am obviously open-minded enough to know that not everyone will share my sentiments. Not only that, I have been more than willing to hear you out and entertain a discussion about how women would like men to dress (or not to dress), which is something you know absolutely nothing about because you’re not a woman.

    Re: judging someone by the color of their skin, you’re comparing apples and oranges. Apples, being clothing, which is something people can change AT WILL; Oranges, being skin color which is permanent and is not chosen and cannot be altered AT WILL. Learn how to argue, not-so-average guy.

    As to missing out on an incredibly nice guy because of the way he dresses, that’s a risk I’m willing to take – Presentation is everything.

    Giving fashion advice should NEVER lead to a discussion about racism. You and the others who dared to bring racism into the discussion to prove a point obviously take yourselves way too seriously OR you saw no other way to validate your comments except to go to the extreme.

    The only way to properly negate what my article is saying is to find proof that most women don’t feel this way since that is essentially what I’m saying.

    Posted by 30thoughts | February 7, 2012, 11:42 PM
    • You’re correct, at least, that racism has no place in this discussion — I’m a bit surprised somebody would try to bring that up.

      “The only way to properly negate what my article is saying is to find proof that most women don’t feel this way since that is essentially what I’m saying.”

      Sorry, but the burden of proof is on you. You’re the one who posted this article making some pretty intense assertions. That said, you and I both know there’s no way to prove it either way, but the important part is not whether or not that’s true — it’s that it’s irrelevant. Guys who dress like this know what they are getting into, and they are not in it to impress women so much as they are in it for self-expression and impressing their peers.

      Posted by Brad Tiller | February 9, 2012, 6:34 PM
      • At least we agree on something, Brad.

        The burden of proof is not on me. I’m not trying to convince anyone of the fact that most women would not want their man to dress like this. It goes without saying. No one has even ventured to say that this is not true. Actually, most of you agreed! All you all have done is tell me that I need to have an open mind and that men should be able to dress how they want to dress.

        I do agree that guys who dress like this “know what they’re getting into, and they are not in it to impress women so much as they are in it for self-expression and impressing their peers,” and they are not the intended audience. I said a long time ago, if you are successful in the lady department and don’t need the advice, do you. But, some men are clueless as to how they should dress, and I am just letting them know this is NOT the way to go.

        Posted by 30thoughts | February 9, 2012, 9:42 PM
  16. To each his own. Without feminine men we wouldn’t have the music of Prince or Michel Jackson. I know 99.99% of guys who don’t see what the big deal is with wearing bangles don’t really produce anything of any real substance; however the .01 % of those that do (MJ and Prince, some 80’s rock groups…etc.) give back enough to make up the difference. Besides, when a guy is walking down the street switching in his skinny jeans and clanking his bangles as he sashays from fabric store to vintage clothing depot he’s just signaling to the ladies with his clickity clack that he’s not interested. He’s doing the ladies a favor.

    Posted by jthebandit | February 11, 2012, 11:09 PM
  17. It’s amazing to me that this topic is still a lightening rod of discord. People should dress as they please, period. But there are consequences in terms of how you may be judged. Other people will make their judgements, if you’re honest, you know this. If your personal statement is important enough to you to express yourself in spite these judgements I admire your convictions even if I wouldn’t be caught dead making the same fashion choices.

    I only have my personal experience to rely on but that experieince tells me that MOST women like a man to display a degree of masculinity in their personal style. So the author’s perspective has the ring of truth for me. I dress first to please myself but never ignore how my wife feels about my appearance.

    Posted by Regular Brotha | February 17, 2012, 4:55 AM
    • @Regular Brotha – Exactly!! I thought I made myself very clear about whom this article was intended to reach, and what I sought to accomplish by writing it.

      One could make these same arguments about any fashion advice ever given. Of course, you can wear that hideous tie or that ill-fitting shirt if you that makes you happy, but the bottom line is people judge others based on their appearance, and as you eloquently stated, “MOST women like a man to display a certain degree of masculinity in their personal style.”

      @jthebandit – You have named celebrities who could “get it” from a lot of women simply based on their celebrity status. The way they dress has little or no bearing on their success with the ladies. However, in terms of the average Joe, a combination of things, especially how a man presents himself, could affect whether or not he gets the girl. Also, I never said we should do away with feminine men, but your usage of that term, in itself, suggests that feminine men are the only ones who dress in this manner, and I simply don’t think that’s true. I wish it were, but it’s not.

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 17, 2012, 7:41 AM
  18. I am extremely happy that I found this article and that I took the time to read it and all of the comments that have been posted about it. I know I am a little late in joining in on the conversation but I thought I would drop my two cents on the floor. 30Thoughts, I am beyond impressed with everything you have written concerning this article. Your responses are all written quite well and either you put a lot of time into them or you are just fortunate to be well spoken and quick on your feet, either way they make me want to just be your friend. I myself agree with most everything you have said. I am 25 and my fashion knowledge extends as far as what sweater or button up to wear with a pair of jeans, straight leg at the smallest, for a date and when a two button suit is more suited than a three button. I had been leaning towards giving the high-waters a shot but I feel like you do have done a great job of explaining that a good bit of average women, yes that is a slight poke at several of you that have responded, don’t quite see that as a good choice. I guess for now I will just have to work on the slow change from jeans to some khakis tossed in here or there to keep it on the reasonable edge of fashion.

    Posted by Dan | March 20, 2012, 4:30 AM
    • Dan,

      Thanks so much for the compliment! You have to learn how to argue and be quick on your feet when you’re as opinionated as I am lol. Thankfully, my commentary kept you from committing a cardinal fashion sin that is the high-water trouser. I’m glad this article helped someone. Even if it’s just one person, my mission has been accomplished!

      I would love for you to become a regular here, and just know that your comments don’t have to be limited to the content of the article. If you have questions about other fashion choices you’ve pondered taking, I’d love to hear about them. My email address is I’m glad you stopped by, and it’s never too late to comment. Most of those guys commented months after the article was posted anyway.

      Again, welcome!


      Posted by 30thoughts | March 20, 2012, 7:42 AM
  19. I think it’s a matter of preference – I wouldn’t mind if my boo dressed like that as long as he has the confidence to pull it of and isn’t looking for constant reassurance – but that’s me i also love a fine man who rocks baggy jeans and wife beaters with tats and shi , as long as they are confident with their look and themselves they can get it and i won’t even think twice about their look as long as they look put together.

    Posted by Ezenwanyi xo (@ThatsLooon) | August 7, 2012, 10:58 AM
  20. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
    I don’t know who you are but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you are
    not already 😉 Cheers!

    Posted by jcpenney | November 2, 2012, 10:05 AM


  1. Pingback: A Few Good Men « 30thoughts - February 16, 2012

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Basketball is like that fine chick that's exciting but she's ALWAYS around. You get bored quickly. Football is that chick that gives you just enough, but keeps you wanting more...

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