I am a young man in my early 30s. I make a decent living, but I’m by no means where I want to be financially. I often see women that I’d like to spend time with, or get to know, but I feel like if I don’t take them somewhere nice or spend a significant amount of money on them, they won’t give me the time of day. I’m not cheap, but I earn a modest living and I refuse to live beyond my means. I don’t depend on anyone for anything, don’t live with my mother, I have no children and I’ve never been married. I would really like to have someone special in my life, but sometimes I think I’m too broke to date. What do you think? If a man is not able to wine and dine a woman, should he sit it out until he is? How do women generally feel about this?
– Craig S.
Thank you for sharing. First of all, I truly believe that men impose these requirements on themselves. Most men probably feel the same way you do, that if they can’t afford to wine and dine a woman, they shouldn’t date. And realistically, there are some women who feel this way too. But, I think the vast majority of women would not agree with your sentiments.
Although it is customary and chivalrous to pay when you have asked a woman out on a date, there is no hard and fast rule as to where you have to take her and how much you have to spend. In the current state of our economy, we’re all a little bit “strapped” for cash, and if a woman likes you, she will not likely be turned off if you take her on a nice, yet inexpensive date. Spending an outrageous amount of money on dates to impress a girl, while flattering, isn’t at all necessary. I understand that it hurts a man’s pride when he can’t pull out all the stops when taking a girl out, and THIS is what is hindering YOU from dating rather than the thought that women don’t want to date you because you’re not wining and dining them.
Why should a man delay his quest to find love just because he doesn’t make the kind of money that would allow him to splurge on a potential mate? As long as he can afford to support himself, I don’t think it’s fair to exclude him from the dating game. Besides the dinner and movie date is overdone and outdated. I think a guy would score more points for creativity if he decided to forego dinner at a swanky restuarant and take his date to a live concert in the park or a county fair instead. Also, depending on whether it’s a first or fifth date, you should go somewhere where you all can talk and really get to know one another. Most places where this is the case (aside from fancy restuarants) are relatively inexpensive – a coffee shop or coffee house (entrance is usually free) ($10 total for vittles) , hiking (free), or a picnic ($20).
In a large city like L.A., there is no logical reason why any man should limit his options to fine dining and popping bottles. The bottom line is, if a woman likes you, she won’t care where you go or how much money you spend, as long as it appears that you put some effort into the date, meaning you planned the date by yourself, you’re a gentleman, and the activity or date takes her interests into account. For instance, if she told you in conversation that she loves art, and in turn, you take her to an art museum – score. But, if she’s a girly girl who cries when she breaks a nail and you take her to the batting cages, you likely will not be considered for a second date. A”date” is just a way to get to know another human being by engaging in some sort of activity that lends itself to doing just that. Get out there and date, and if you find that the women you’re encountering are unappreciative of your low-budget approach, you are choosing the wrong women. Good luck, and again, thanks for writing in.
Do you all agree with my advice to Craig? Should a guy who is not financially set be actively dating? Ladies, do you determine how far the “relationship” will go based on how much a guy spends on you? Guys, do you ever feel like dating is too expensive?