male box, relationship rhetoric

How the Friend Zone Can be a Step Towards the End Zone


 From what I hear, men view the friend zone as sort of a black hole.  They don’t know how they got there, why they’re there or how to get out.  Women, on the other hand, are far more willing to play the “friend” to win over the guy they’ve been crushing on for months, maybe even years.  Men shouldn’t be so hasty when it comes to being friend zoned.  Sometimes, playing your position can ultimately get you the girl.  Here are 6 reasons why being placed in the friend zone isn’t always as bad as it seems.

You can really get to know your crush and decide whether she was all that you thought she would be.  Think about it, she isn’t trying to impress you because you’re her friend.  Chances are you’re getting to know the REAL her, and you may realize she’s not really the person for you after all.

You can be YOURSELF.  Being friends takes away the complications involved with dating.  Although you will probably always put your best foot forward when she’s around, if she’s not sizing you up as potential boyfriend material, you will feel more comfortable being who you really are, as well.

Being in the friend zone is like being in the opposing team’s locker room, and accessing their playbook before the game.  As her friend, she will likely discuss current and past relationships with you candidly and share things with you she would NEVER share with a potential mate.  You know how she thinks and feels about certain behavior, and if the opportunity ever arises for you to get off the bench, you will already know how to win the game.

Sex complicates things.  It almost instantaneously changes the way you feel about your partner, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively.  Taking sex out of the equation allows both parties to make sound judgments about how they feel.  Friendship first is the best way to delay sexual relations and allow a true bond to form.  Unfortunately, holding off on sex is more difficult to do when there is mutual physical or chemical attraction.

She actually likes you.  If you’re always there for her, and she enjoys your company, she will begin to become “attached” to you, just in a different way than if you two were in a relationship.  Women are interesting creatures who can be swayed by kindness and quiet persistence.  Eventually that “attachment” may turn into love and respect, which can ultimately lead to romantic love and a relationship, or even marriage.

You can still date without any hard feelings.  While being her friend only requires an occasional call here, and a visit to the local karaoke bar there, actually dating this woman will require more of your time and effort – oh and money. You’ll be jumping through MAJOR hoops to impress her and at the end of the day, you may walk away empty-handed.  Use this time to date others, and you might just meet someone else who sees you as more than a friend, and with whom you may be more compatible.

The bottom line is, an overly aggressive attempt to get a girl to like you as soon as you express interest in her is almost always a turnoff.  If she does not reciprocate, but you sincerely are a great guy, and you feel she’s a great girl, and worth the wait, politely take your place in the friend zone.  You never know where things could go.

Love is blind; Friendship closes its eyes. –Unknown

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Discussion

12 thoughts on “How the Friend Zone Can be a Step Towards the End Zone

  1. This was a good article but the problem there is that if a man has decided you are who he likes, he doesn’t want to be friends, he wants to be on your team not in the other team’s locker room and of course he wants to have sex.

    Posted by petersburgh | July 1, 2012, 1:32 AM
    • @petersburgh Right, but what’s the harm in being friends? It can’t hurt. I suppose I feel that if a guy is not interested in being friends, he’s probably only after you for one thing anyway, and I think you know what that is. It’s just not that bad being placed in the friend zone because it can at least lead to something more. Dismissing her because she only wants to be friends is a lose-lose situation. There’s nothing to be gained.

      Posted by 30thoughts | July 2, 2012, 11:19 AM
      • There can be a big harm in JUST being friends. Picture this. We met and I like you. We’re hanging out and we are close to each other. If I really like you I WILL be tempted to kiss you at some point of time and you thinking we’re just friends may more than likely see it as disrespectful. Now after that happens you may not want to be in close proximity of me for obvious reasons but I still will want to be and that’s where the harm comes in being friends especially if I’m really into you.

        The previous example is purely for educational purposes only

        Posted by petersburgh | July 2, 2012, 2:39 PM
      • I totally get that scenario, as it has happened to me before. Here’s the thing…after you try to kiss me, I will then understand that you want more than friendship. At that point, it is my responsibility to let you know I’m not interested in anything more than friendship with you, and it is your decision to remain friends or walk away entirely.

        In the scenario you presented, I’m saying that you shouldn’t walk away entirely simply because she is not romantically interested in you at that time. I understand that you don’t want to be just friends, but what could it hurt? As I said, playing your position as a friend can lead to a wonderful friendship, and sometimes a long-lasting relationship. I’ve seen it happen.

        Posted by 30thoughts | July 2, 2012, 9:24 PM
  2. 30, all I can say is that maybe women can play that friend game but I can’t pretend to be a friend when I really want to be with you. I would probably walk away until I can deal with it but knowing that I want you, I would try not to be alone with you because I may want to steal a kiss every now and then

    Posted by petersburgh | July 3, 2012, 2:18 AM
  3. I wish I’d had something like this to read when I was friendzoned by a woman I’d been crushing on in 2003. Things may still have fallen apart, but at least I would have been a little more willing to give the “just friends” thing a go.

    Posted by Bjorn Arnesen | February 26, 2013, 4:01 PM
  4. If a guy being friend zoned, tell me 30, why would the guy accept that friendzone thing? Why would he waste his time? What would the guy get? Just to be an emotional tampoon for the woman? Do you think it would be a pleasant experience or feeling for the guy watching the one he like so much talk about other guy? Woman is so selfish.
    Try to put yourself into his shoe.

    Posted by Will | March 22, 2013, 6:21 AM
    • Hi Will. You asked great questions:

      If a guy being friend zoned, tell me 30, why would the guy accept that friendzone thing? He would accept it because he has no other option but to accept it or leave her completely alone. If a man is solely interested in getting in this girl’s pants, then he will not like the friend zone. But, if a man truly likes a woman for more than just what he can get from her; he wants her presence, her personality, her inner beauty as well as outer, he will be willing to start as a friend while expecting nothing in return.

      Why would he waste his time? Because essentially he is NOT wasting his time. He is getting to know her on a platonic level while being free to date other women. Most men would see this as a win-win situation. They get to spend time with the girl they like (without spending money unless he WANTS to) and date or frolic in the meantime to get his kicks or date other women of interest.

      What would the guy get? EVERYTHING.

      Do you think it would be a pleasant experience or feeling for the guy watching the one he like so much talk about other guy? He may not want to hear about other guys, and he can let her know that. I’m sure she would respect his request.

      The bottom line is, it’s your decision whether you want to enter the friend zone. But, you’re really not committing to anything and you have nothing to lose, but EVERYTHING to gain.

      Posted by 30thoughts | March 22, 2013, 9:10 AM
      • If a man is solely interested in getting in this girl’s pants, then he will not like the friend zone.—> So you mean having emotional relationship ( not just friends) is only about sex?
        he wants her presence, her personality, her inner beauty as well as outer, he will be willing to start as a friend while expecting nothing in return–> these are all excuses so the guy will chase the woman and give her attention, affectionate, and so on. So the man can be her emotional tampoon.This is the reason why I said Women Are Selfish.
        Friends with benefits or f***buddyzone also not committing to anything. The woman can still the man and the man can still have the woman with no string attached. How come women so hate about fwb or f***buddyzone? Can you explain it?
        It’s better for us men to focus our time, our energy on someone that really have feelings to us, more than just friends. Because when a woman say just friends, nothing will change her mind.Even if the sky collapsed to earth.

        Posted by Will | March 22, 2013, 2:09 PM
      • “So you mean having emotional relationship ( not just friends) is only about sex?”

        No, but the initial attraction is sexual, certainly not emotional because you know nothing about her. So, your interest is sexual, at least at first.

        This is not true and women fall in love with their friends all the time. There’s a show about it on MTV called Friendzone.

        FWB and whatever else you call it involve sex, THAT’S the difference. Sex complicates things.

        How is a guy “chasing” a woman if he’s 1) not spending money on her 2) only hanging out with her when he wants to and 3) dating other women at the same time. I fail to see how being friends with a girl the way you are friends with a guy requires any extra effort or involves her using the guy as an “emotional tampoon,” whatever that means. Enlighten me.

        When you hang out with your guy friends, are they considered to be using you?

        Also, no one is forcing you to enter the friend zone. I’m just giving relevant reasons why it can be a good thing, not a death sentence like most guys think.

        Posted by 30thoughts | March 22, 2013, 8:17 PM

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