There are so many diets out there purporting to help you lose weight and feel great. There’s the Master Cleanser, the Atkins Diet, the Cabbage Soup diet, the South Beach Diet and so forth and so on. Well, there’s a new diet in town, that could be just as effective – The Depression Diet.
Like most people, I am more than comfortable expressing anger and frustration, but find myself unwilling or unable to fully express feelings of disappointment and sadness. I believe many people have problems expressing sadness and disappointment because it is often considered a sign of weakness. However, I envy those who can and do wear their hearts on their sleeve – like Adele (pictured above).
It’s hard enough to be vulnerable with your partner, family and friends, but Adele shared her heartbreak with the world in an album almost entirely about unrequited love, 21. Much deserved success followed the album’s release, I believe, largely because many of us could relate to what she was going through. We, too, have yearned to “Set Fire to the Rain,” but wouldn’t dare put our sorrow to music for the masses to enjoy. For her bravery and for her brilliance, Adele has become an integral part of The Depression Diet, and all that it represents.
The Depression Diet was given to me. I didn’t create it. Some people pig out on high fructose corn syrup, saturated fats and sugar when they are down in the dumps or stressed. Me, I can’t eat a thing. I stay alive by maintaining hydration, and forcing down a bowl of soup once a day or, if at the moment I’m feeling a little better, a bean burrito**. This is what my daily caloric intake consists of. Right now, I am at my ideal weight and my body looks amazing, but unfortunately I don’t feel amazing.
The lesson to be learned here is, who cares if you look amazing, if you don’t FEEL amazing? Who cares if your body is built like a brick house, but your soul is destitute? Many of you want to lose weight at all costs, so these questions are futile, and you are welcome to not even consider them and read on.
Because I am a total freak of nature who looks amazing when she’s depressed, no one ever knows. My skin is clear and more radiant than ever, my stomach is as flat as a board, and if I add a little bit of exercise, a few sit-ups here and several push-ups there, look out world! But, I digress.
Like Invisalign, The Depression Diet isn’t for everyone, so without further ado:
9+ hours of sleep per day
10 glasses of water per day (you get mighty thirsty after shedding so many tears, no Tupac)
Sliced cucumbers for puffy, swollen eyes
Low-calorie foods that don’t require much/any chewing (e.g. applesauce, jello, yogurt)
Diet soda (optional, for sugar cravings and/or to give a feeling of fullness)
Adele’s ’21’ cd (to perpetuate sadness when you feel it subsiding)
**Why a “bean” burrito? Beans are filling and a great source of fiber, and we all know what fiber does…(if you don’t, just Google it)
Disclaimer: Please diet responsibly; 30thoughts is not accountable for lack of results and/or other medical conditions that may occur as a result of this diet and what it prescribes.