Common Sense Diaries, relationship rhetoric

Dear TT: He Gave Me A Promise Ring


Dear TT,

I am 28 years old, and my boyfriend of 5 years recently gave me a promise ring. He is 33.  I love him with all my heart, and I sincerely want to spend my life with him, but as you can imagine, my friends got jokes! They say he’s too old to give me a promise ring, and that promise rings are for kids.  They think he is just stringing me along and dragging things out, so I will stop talking to him about marriage.  He has a decent job, but maybe he feels he doesn’t make enough or have enough money to buy me a nice engagement ring like he thinks I deserve.  I want to get a second opinion, aside from my friends, to make sure they’re not just jealous and hating.  So, what do you think? Should I be satisfied with the promise ring or is there more to what my friends are saying?  Please help.

Signed,

– He sort of put a ring on it

Dear “He sort of put a ring on it”:

This is a tough one.  I’ve always felt a certain kind of way about promise rings, seeing as how I was engaged at 19 (he was 21) to someone who probably couldn’t afford the best ring money could buy at the time either, meaning this usually isn’t the issue.  If at 33, my man gave me a promise ring, I probably wouldn’t take him seriously either.  You’re adults. Adults get engaged and then they get married.  A promise to marry does seem like a stall tactic, especially since you said he has a decent job.  Have you hinted about the type of ring you desire?  This may have put undue pressure on him to get you the ring of your dreams, rather than just getting you a ring he can afford, and therefore caused a delay in an actual proposal of marriage.

I won’t lie, I’d probably be just as cynical as your friends about his intentions.  I would basically see the ring as a gift, not as indicating any more of a commitment than being his girlfriend.  Some commitment phobe back in the 80s probably came up with the idea of promise rings.  I actually don’t see the point.  Did he actually propose marriage?  What is said during the giving of the promise ring, ‘I intend to spend the rest of my life with you, one day?’  Or does the man actually propose like he would with an engagement ring?

I’m usually not so pessimistic about these types of matters, but I think a promise ring should be taken with a grain of salt.  It means very little in the grand scheme of things, so  I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.  I’d just continue on in the relationship as usual because nothing has really changed.

At the end of the day though, you said you love him, so I’m sure you were quite disappointed too when he whipped out a promise ring, and although it’s a little insensitive for your friends to joke about your boyfriend giving you a promise ring, you sound as though you feel the same way about receiving one.

Continue to make it clear that you are not off the market until he puts an “engagement ring” on it. It’s sad that you have to be so specific these days.  He’s probably thinking, ‘Beyonce just said to put “a” ring on it, she didn’t say what kind.

Anyhow, I wish you the best and I sincerely hope he doesn’t make you wait too much longer for the real thing.

~30

Ladies, what would you do if your man gave you a promise ring? Is there an age when it is appropriate or inappropriate? Guys, have you ever given a promise ring? How old were you and what were you thinking (no, seriously)?  Why did you settle on a promise ring rather than an engagement ring? 

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Discussion

48 thoughts on “Dear TT: He Gave Me A Promise Ring

  1. TT:

    I have not and would never give anyone a promise ring. It seems like something for those who are in middle school.

    Posted by Mark | July 23, 2012, 11:53 PM
  2. Honestly, I thought a promise ring was for teenage virgins…I would only accept it, if it was like a pre-engagement ring present. I mean aren’t they side by side at Zales?? I would tell him slide a case over to them engagement rings. I just turned 30 myself and I’d probably be happy with any ring, but if you really want all my eggs in your basket, your basket needs to woven with commitment- um hmm!

    Posted by lakendra82 | July 24, 2012, 12:22 AM
  3. First thing, I don’t even know what a “promise” ring is but to be fair, excluding price isn’t an engagement ring a promise to wed as well? Anyway, I wouldn’t take that as a serious attempt to wed so I’d probably do what 30thoughts said.

    Now 30thoughts, does an engagement ring make you off the market? I thought from the time we became a serious couple you were but maybe I’m wrong. If

    Posted by petersburgh | July 24, 2012, 2:23 AM
    • Good question @petersburgh. An engagement ring is a promise to wed, but I think the difference lies in what is said when the promise ring is given. That’s why I’m curious to know what he said when he gave her the promise ring. If he asked her to marry him, then I guess that would make them engaged, but if she labeled it a promise ring, I’m guessing he didn’t actually propose.
      An engagement takes you off the market because by accepting his proposal, you have created an agreement or a meeting of the minds (in the legal sense). If there is no proposal, then essentially nothing has really changed, as I said in the post, but the fact that you now have a cute little ring to wear. I also would not be wearing it on my ring finger like I’m engaged. Usually a promise ring is worn on the opposite hand’s ring finger.

      Posted by 30thoughts | July 24, 2012, 2:53 AM
    • I just read on Wikipedia that a promise ring signifies commitment to a monogamous relationship (pre-engagement ring), but I’m sure w/o the ring, it was assumed that they were monogamous; it also can be worn as a purity ring, signifying that person’s choice to wait until marriage to have sex.

      Posted by 30thoughts | July 24, 2012, 3:09 AM
      • well I don’t need a ring for that then. Buy you a pet instead

        Posted by petersburgh | July 24, 2012, 3:11 AM
      • Lol!! Promise rings are a joke! If you whip a ring out after 5 years and it’s not engagement ring, we’re going to have words.

        Posted by 30thoughts | July 24, 2012, 3:16 AM
  4. I don’t understand the whole concept of the promise ring. If the engagement is a promise to wed and a sufficient time period to make the necessary preparations, is the p.r. a promise to promise/commit? Seems like a wonderful way to “put a ring on it” and ensure that a restless woman won’t wander while allowing the guy the opportunity to take his time to “do him”. But hey, I’m a tad cynical and I own it.

    Posted by BlueSteele | July 25, 2012, 11:52 PM
    • I totally agree, which is why the promise ring is a sham lol. I also Wiki’d the idea behind a promise ring, which is essentially just a showing of monogamy, not a promise to wed. That’s still the engagement ring’s job 🙂

      Posted by 30thoughts | July 26, 2012, 12:08 AM
  5. My boyfriend (he’s 37, I’m 39) just gave me a “promise ring” and it IS all in what he said. He is recently divorced (separated for 3 years so I’m comfortable with his level of baggage, I’m divorced too). We are 100% sure we will be married and he wanted me to feel special and surprise me with a ring similar to the one he is making payments on. He and his ex are still dealing with money and minor custody issues. We agree a formal engagement needs to wait until that situation calms down. We also need to consider timing (we have only been together 11 months) for our children’s understanding and comfort. He made me feel special with this ring and I will wear it proudly until the time (6 monts approx) he formally proposes and replaces it with a ring with a commitment we announce to the world.

    Posted by Wendy | December 27, 2012, 3:25 AM
    • That’s great Wendy! Congratulations! But, I still don’t understand the difference. Why not wait 6 months or whatever until your situation has been resolved? What’s the rush? Why not just call it a gift? Like someone else said, isn’t an engagement ring a promise to wed? So, does that make a promise ring, a promise to get engaged? Does he feel some sort of pressure to make it as official as possible bc a promise ring doesn’t really change the level of commitment that exists between a bf and gf?

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 27, 2012, 3:44 AM
      • I actually agree with you. I will describe it to others as a gift (though I’m sure my smile will show it means a lot to me). It was his sweet gift to me. I can’t imagine he felt pressure because I already know the final ering is in the works. He described it as a symbol of our personal commitment when we felt outside issues (primarily our young children) needed more time for a formal engagement. Waiting for 6 months (or whenever the time is right) for the formal engagement would be fine but his sweet gift means so much to me (mostly because it means so much to him). I’m not going to insult him by asking why he gave me a special ring before the engagement. If we had been together several years and we had no outside forces in play and a man gave me a “promise ring” instead of an ering I would probably stuff it up his nose! Hahaha!

        Posted by Wendy | December 27, 2012, 4:10 AM
      • Hear hear!! lol Ok, since you put it that way…I wish you all the best!!

        Posted by 30thoughts | December 27, 2012, 4:21 AM
      • One other point, he called it a promise ring, which I did find odd and is the reason I was searching online and found this thread 🙂 he put it on my left ring finger, said he was so looking forward to the future we had planned and that seeing a ring on my finger now meant a lot to him. He keeps playing with it on my finger. I agree in almost any other situation I would think it was very very weird.

        Posted by Wendy | December 27, 2012, 4:17 AM
      • That is odd that he actually called it a promise ring, but that also means that he understands what the gift represents, and that a formal engagement ring is still in order lol.

        Posted by 30thoughts | December 27, 2012, 4:23 AM
  6. A promise ring was used for women who were “accounted for”, women who had a suitor. It was more for the family to show that they had promised her to someone else. She would take it off when she married, obviously for the wedding ring, signifying her marriage but also to show that her purity/virginity was taken and her promise to God was kept. Which then started the whole purity promise ring thing. Today, it generally means you love this person but a commitment to marry isn’t anywhere near, that is why so many high schoolers do it. My fiance gave me a promise ring while we were in college and to us it meant that we love each other deeply but don’t have the money and that one day when we had the money and were ready to start a life/family together he would replace it with an engagement ring.

    Posted by History Nerd | January 7, 2013, 5:56 AM
    • Thank you for the background. Did your guy ever actually propose? I do still maintain that a promise ring does not signify anything. Like you said, young people do it, but ppl in their 30s should not be handing out/receiving promise rings to signify that person is “off the market” bc they’re simply not.
      Thanks for commenting and I hope you visit the site again soon!

      Posted by 30thoughts | January 7, 2013, 9:18 PM
  7. I guess promise ring is not only for teen age couple because no one says that it’s only belong for them, everyone deserves to receive a promise ring as long as both couple has the same feelings to each other, besides promise ring is a permanent bond, even if you don’t quite know what the future holds for you both.

    Posted by Annie | February 25, 2013, 4:05 AM
  8. Ok, so I have a que… I am 19, my man is 24, we’ve been together about 2 years now, have lived together awhile, have a puppy together etc, but lately hes been asking my ring size, so we got it, and had me look at styles,but goes out if his way to tell me its a promise ring. Im my opinion it seems like hes just trying to make me believe its that, but in reality its an engagement ring. Any telltale signs its one or the other? We openly talk about our life together, future, marriage, kids etc, and had told me it won’t be too long until we’re married.

    Posted by SuffeRing | March 18, 2013, 10:08 AM
    • Also, I dont see a point in a promise ring. To all whi have recieved one, thats GREAT, congrats! 🙂 but for us, I feel like we both have already committed out lives to each other, whats the ring going to change?, so, odk..lol

      Posted by SuffeRing | March 18, 2013, 10:13 AM
      • I hope my previous comment helps…to this comment, I would agree! There is no point to a promise ring. Have you been insisting that you two get married soon? Are you starting to put the pressure on? He is likely getting you a promise ring to appease you. To get you to over analyze the situation like women do, men’s actions are inconsistent with their words. He is telling you it’s a promise ring, but he is discussing marriage with you etc. If he does give you this promise ring and you appear disappointed, he will emphatically point out that he TOLD YOU it was just a promise ring, and make you feel silly for thinking it was anything other than that – and you should feel silly. All I ask is that you do not give him the satisfaction of wearing it on your ring finger, which is on your left hand next to your pinky : ) Good luck!

        Posted by 30thoughts | March 18, 2013, 9:07 PM
    • @SuffeRing
      How is your man doing financially? You all are pretty young, but as I’ve mentioned before, I was engaged at 19 as well, and he called it an engagement ring because essentially that’s what it is. If he’s stressing that it’s just a promise ring (and I say just bc it certainly shouldn’t carry the same weight as an engagement ring), he doesn’t want you to get your hopes up thinking that you all are getting married any time soon once you receive this ring. He may be considering a future with you, but if you are not engaged, and he left, he wouldn’t be breaking off an engagement. He’d just be breaking up with you. So, I wouldn’t put too much stock into getting a promise ring. Why would you think it was anything else, if he specifically TOLD you it’s a promise ring. Wishful thinking?

      Posted by 30thoughts | March 18, 2013, 9:01 PM
      • Its probably me just being hopeful, but I haven’t put any pressure on him , if anything, it’s him putting pressure on me. I try to push off when he says itll be soon because I am still going to college, and think it is too soon. Hes not doing too well financially, due to bills from our accident etc. due to past experiences with him, I think hes telling me its a promise ring when it isnt. I won’t be disappointed if it is, I was just wondering what others thought. I would be happier if he just saved his money,i dont need any kind of jewelry, but if it had to be, Iwould prefer an engagement ring lol 🙂

        Posted by SuffeRing | March 18, 2013, 9:19 PM
      • I’m getting mixed messages though…

        First you said he is the one who wants to get married, and you think it is too soon, but at the end you say you hope it’s an engagement ring. At 19, I admit it is flattering to be proposed to, but if you really aren’t ready to marry him, I would make that clear to him, so that when and if he does actually propose, he won’t be heartbroken. I’m not certain what it is you actually want. Also, you can’t trick someone into being engaged. Either it’s a promise ring or an engagement ring. To clear up any confusion, just know that you wear a promise ring on your right hand, not your left. If it’s on your left hand ring finger, it will be construed as an engagement ring.

        But, I’m curious to know why you want it to be an engagement ring. Marriage is more than just a wedding and a dress, so don’t get engaged/married just because it feels good to be chosen. If you two are in a financial bind, it really isn’t a good time to marry. Money is the #1 cause of divorce, so you’d be going in with the odds against you.

        Posted by 30thoughts | March 18, 2013, 10:16 PM
  9. I’m basically saying that if I am getting a ring I think it should be engaged ring, I think I’m too young and not ready to be fully married yet, so I don’t see a point in spending money on a promise ring when he can get me an engagement ring and we can be engaged for a while, instead of just blowing money. I know theres a lot to marriage, but I think we’ve got what it takes already, and we basically do it already

    Posted by SuffeRing | March 19, 2013, 2:04 AM
  10. For my one year anniversary, I was certain that my boyfriend was giving me an engagement ring. My sister had hinted around about what my ring size was, so I really thought this was going to happen. Anyway, I got my anniversary gift a month late because it wasn’t ready. My boyfriend kept telling me how romantic it was. I agree. It was incredibly romantic. He gave me a handmade ring with part of my favorite quote from a book on it, our anniversary, and his name. The rest of the quote, our anniversary, and my name are on his ring. It’s a beautiful idea, but I have to admit that I was very disappointed. I’m 33, and he’s 36. I really don’t want to wait forever for an engagement. He already has a ring from a previous engagement (and I’m not opposed to getting that ring), so money obviously isn’t the problem. I guess he thinks it’s too early, but I just don’t know what to call this ring. My mom and aunt asked if it was a promise ring. I’d hate to call it that because I think that we’re too old for that. I think that it does mean more to me that he got himself a ring too. I just feel like an idiot because I had been telling all of my friends that he was going to propose. We have a long distance relationship, and I’m not going to move until he proposes. Long story short, this ring was a beautiful present, but it just makes me worried about when I’ll get the real thing.

    Posted by thefrustratedgirlfriend | September 9, 2013, 4:39 AM
    • @frustrated girlfriend You said he may think it’s too soon. How long have you two been a couple? This gift he got you sounds extremely thoughtful. I wouldn’t discount it. If it hasn’t been a year yet, I wouldn’t panic. It sounds like a proposal isn’t too far off. How have things been going? Have you two discussed marriage? Answers to these questions are a better indication of whether he will propose soon or at all, not the length of the relationship. Don’t start forcing the issue of marriage.

      It doesn’t sound like a promise ring either – just a gift. And personally, I think he is too old to be giving promise rings anyway. I give promise rings the same weight as the gift you received.

      He sounds like his intentions are good. You’re just a little embarrassed because you told folks he was going to pop the question. It’s no big deal. Get over it and remain present in YOUR relationship. Don’t let anyone dictate your behavior. Just give yourself a personal time limit as to how long you’ll wait for a proposal and stick to it. But, don’t rush him. You want his decision to propose to be genuine.

      Posted by 30thoughts | September 9, 2013, 5:13 AM
      • Thanks for your reply! It has really helped me to feel better. We’ve been dating for 13 months now, so I am getting antsy for a proposal. We have talked about marriage. We’ve had some amazing conversations about it in which we even discussed possible venues, bridal parties, etc. Then again, we can also be talking about marriage, and he’ll start talking about “if” we get married. I always speak about “when”. I guess I just need to be patient. I do want the proposal to be genuine.

        Posted by thefrustratedgirlfriend | September 10, 2013, 5:40 AM
      • I’m glad I could help! Think about it, if we were in our 20s, this would be a non-issue, which means the problem is our timeline (13 months is not that long), not our boyfriends. He sounds like a keeper. I wish you two the best!

        -30

        Posted by 30thoughts | September 10, 2013, 5:55 AM
  11. After reading many replies on this subject, it is very obvious that many people have not read the history and the true meaning of the promise ring. It isn’t just for kids.

    Posted by olderandwiser | April 3, 2014, 6:04 PM
  12. I’m 48, he’s 51.this Christmas my boyfriend of 7 years gave me a beautiful gold wrapped box ? I opened it to find a small diamond ring and instantly think awesome he’s asking me to marry him.
    Then he said nothing . I was completely confused, thinking I got excited over a ring that was just that …a ring . I knew then I had taken the gift as something entirely different and asked what finger do I put this on ?
    When said ” any finger ” my heart sank and I was devastated . I could hardly keep the tears in all day.
    Later he asked why I didn’t seem to like the ring, I told him it’s beautiful but that I had thought something else and I was too embarrassed to tell him.
    He pushed til I told him I was mistaken and jumped to conclusions . I was not mad , just deeply hurt ( I did not tell him that it hurt)
    He then came up with some stupid line about it being a “promise ring”
    That is when I got mad but again said nothing.
    It hurt to find out that it was my mistake to have thought it was an engagement ring, and on Christmas morning ! Sooo romantic , but hearing him come up with such a bad explanation , hours later too!
    Then at my age he thinks it’s ok to try and fix the situation by saying ” oh well it’s a promise ring , when the time is right I’ll get you an engagement ring …” Huh?
    Am I wrong to feel that at ages 48 and 51 a promise ring is juvenile and he tried to fix it by a on the spot story of a promise ring ?
    Ugh, there went any thought of marrying him . It was just too hurtful for me to even think about marrying this guy.
    It killed that dream on the spot.

    Posted by No sunshine | December 26, 2014, 8:08 PM
    • @nosunshine At 51, most people know what they want and need in a mate, and it certainly doesnt take 7 years to figure it out. It doesn’t appear that this guy is interested in marrying you or else he would have put a ring on it long ago. What a waste of time!! No 51 year old man should be giving out promise rings!! I would have been insulted. At least you understand that this is not acceptable and that you should probably move on. Best of luck to you and Happy Holidays!!

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 27, 2014, 6:27 AM
    • At this age, you really shouldn’t wait that long for someone to commit. Time is not your friend anymore. My bf is pushing 50 and I am 45. He acts like he is in high school. I was with him 6mo. The first time and a year so far this round. I bought into his b.s. and got my heart broke several times now I don’t desire being in a relationship with anyone but I stay with him for entertainment and revenge. He thinks I’m a sucker but he now sets himself up for defeat. His head spins now not mine. When it is no longer of benefit to me I will walk away. The funny thing is he isn’t even that great looking, yet everyone tells me how beautiful I am. Just goes to show that some men will never grow up. They assume that because you love them you are easily manipulated and won’t leave no matter what they do. Especially if they have good jobs. My bf straight out told me he is not naive to the fact that a lot of women desire him because of his job, they want someone to pay their bills. He takes advantage of knowing this. Well, he missed the boat on this girl because I walked away from more money than he could ever make in search of the ultimate treasures of life. To find happiness and hopefully someone who can appreciate the value of good character and not be blinded by instant gratification and a false sense of momentary happiness, someone willing to sacrifice and work at becoming better each day and being able to see that this girl should be respected and valued and appreciated, and have the intelligence to know that there aren’t to many women or men left that are loyal honest, respectable and committed and isn’t screwing multiple guys but waits and respects hers body. And is the type of guy that can have control and do the same. Seven years, if he doesn’t love you by now you will never convince him too. I’ve made that mistake as well. Maybe you just have to prove to him that you won’t hurt him, they are good at playing the victims and saying they are scared. B.s. We all are so step up and prove to me that you are worthy of my devotion. I would rather be alone than with someone who is causing me heartache. If I never find him than I can be happy all by myself. It is actually comforting being okay with yourself and not feeling the need to be in a relationship. My daughter said I am much happier when I’m not in a relationship, mainly because the guys I’ve dated have been emotional vampires. They always miss you when your gone though and want you back. Guess what, I finally went against my cardinal rule and took this last one back, (he was very convincing) but once I let my guard down it was a continuous replay of tapes from our previous experience. Same exact words, same exact ho’s, same exact players, same exact games, same exact tears and disappointments. His loss that he can’t grow up and will always feel alone, We don’t have to ride that train with them. Cut your losses, mourn his absence and move the hell on. Respect yourself first.

      Posted by fullthrottle | January 19, 2015, 7:07 PM
    • Same thing happened to me . Im 46 and hes 54. 5 years together, with kid issues. His kids not mine. But after reading your post Im realizing that I too am wishing for something that is never going to happen. the kicker was he made a huge presentation of the “promise” ring, at a restaurant with the entire staff in on it, so when it came to the table on a plate I ASSUMED it was an engagement ring ( it even looked like one). I was so embarrassed that I pushed him into making it an actual engagement. But im fooling myself. He wants a gf for life, not a wife. After 5 years of unwavering devotion even in face of some pretty horrible things , THIS is what he gives me? Its a stalling tactic, it was my mistake in thinking he would ever commit.

      Posted by Lyndsey | February 3, 2015, 9:26 PM
  13. Here is how you handle getting a ring from your bf. From my experience bf’s tend to bank on us females assuming their intentions and not questioning their motives. Men are tricky never ever drop your guard. When my bf gave me a ring for x-mas, I first lit up and said how beautiful it was hugged him kissed him thanked him for a while. Then I took a break, then commented more on how beautiful and sparkly it was. Then took another break. Then commented again that I loved it and just couldn’t stop looking at it, then I hit with the unexpected or the bullet he was hoping to dodge. I asked him straight on, is this a promise ring then? His eyes popped out of his head and he reluctantly shook his head yes looking very confused at what he just got himself into. Then, I listed the promises that were attached to the ring to further clarify any future shifts he may have planned. I said so you are promising to be honest, faithful, truthful, respectful of my feelings, and not hide things and to protect me and honor my wishes, and it is okay to rephrase previous statements in fact it is mandatory. Guys are very good at trying not to understand or remember agreements. If the conversation is long enough he can’t pretend not having it. My bf fearfully shook his head agreeing that’s what it signified. I was so ecstatic and happy which added to his uneasiness because it was just another attempt to keep me hanging in and to divert any guilt from himself for future and past events and to attempt to get me to drop my guard and trust him. Ha! The next night I caught him in a lie and sneaking to go out with a.k.a. “friends”. That hang out with the ho he cheated with the last time we were together. So you see. Take the damn gifts and dinners and whatever else, but make sure to always stay focused on the facts behind the good deeds. Let him think your guard is down and catch him with his down instead. I already knew he was breaking the promise as I was laying them down. I still have the ring but won’t wear it. He swears I’m the love of his life and he wants to marry me. Supposedly he had been practicing proposing too me and wanted to see how this ring was received. Lol! Nope. Another red flag to cause more investigating. So why do I stay, you wonder? It has become entertaining catching him, making him admit and apologize for his poor behavior, and hitting him upside the head with curve balls. I lecture him, question him, make him accountable for his words and actions, surprise him, frustrate him, and make sure he can’t enjoy himself while sneaking around behind my back. He has to have an ulcer by now. I wonder why he still wants me around and professes is undying love for me? You would think he would be much happier to be rid of me so he could do all his activities without the pressures of his crazy gf. Lol! Most guys just can’t be honest even if their life depends on it, and if they do come clean it is after the fact and only to trick you, sometimes they will even give up some deep dark bad secret from childhood to deflect from the more serious lie at hand. I give him the benefit as he cries, pat his back and all. Then I interrogate when he is in no threats detected mode. Lol. So make that ring come with an actual verbal promise, and follow up with constant maintenance to make sure it is kept. If your bf doesn’t straighten up, then have fun with him and keep your eyes open for a better guy. Use the loser for training and educational purposes. Lol. And keep all gifts for your pain and suffering.

    Posted by fullthrottle | January 19, 2015, 6:09 PM
  14. Here in lies the problem. No one has a clear definition of what promise ring is. I would bet some people think that a promise ring and engagement ring are one and the same. I find it very disheartening that the lines of relationships are so blurred anymore. I’m sorry but if you are seeing someone and calling them your bf/gf then you should be faithful and committed to the relationship, you should be able to communicate and ask straight questions about these things to your partner and not be on this website guessing what your significant others intentions are. If you are to embarrassed to discuss these things with them then you are pretending to be in a relationship. Be yourself, humble yourself and ask him to break it down for you. This is why people are so confused and relationship lines are blurred. Everyone is playing to many games and trying to pretend to be perfect from fear of
    being dumped or rejected. Be
    yourself imperfections, confusion,
    ignorance, and all. Your guy will
    probably think it’s attractive and
    respectable that You can be real and willing to expose your imperfect self to him. Then you will probably get the engagement ring and proposal for sure. You can’t pretend to be perfect for the rest of your life. Let him or her know what they are getting and if they don’t like it or can’t except your defects well then good luck and goodbye. No one is perfect but it is possible to come close by just being you. I can’t stand when people mislead me. How the hell are you going to live happily ever after if you can’t even talk to him about the meaning of a ring? Especially if you have already been discussing marriage and futures. That is just ridiculous. Quit b.sing and be real. No one wants perfect, we all want honesty and security in knowing we aren’t going to be blind sided by surprises. You don’t want to wake up one morning and realize your husband is a complete stranger from the person you were sold on. It happens all to often. Ask that fool if that ring comes with any rules or contracts or hidden messages or meanings, be light hearted about it, he is probably wondering what you are thinking as well and just doesn’t know how to approach it.

    Posted by fullthrottle | January 19, 2015, 8:11 PM
  15. well im 14 and my boyfriend is 18 and he gave me a promise ring I didn’t know if I should accept it b/c were to young but I really love him and want to be with him my whole life hes perfect and hes really really organized and knows what he does but I accepted it even though I thought like wtf im young I want to live my teen life and 20s but I thought of it and I accepted it .

    Posted by unknown | January 22, 2015, 1:16 AM
  16. Girl, I feel you. I’m 28 & my boyfriend is 26, he got me a promise ring for Christmas bUT he has a less than mediocre job. He only dropped bout $600 on it. Not too bad. I wish he just would have saved for an engagement ring. But mine came with a promise of wedding & a cruise for our honeymoon. We are setting a wedding date for next year. He trys?

    Posted by alicia | January 22, 2015, 8:53 AM
    • @alicia It isn’t cost of the ring that makes it an engagement ring vs a promise ring, it is the intent behind it. There is a distinct difference between the two. One promises marriage, the other us essentially an empty promise. If he proposed marriage, it is an engagement ring. It sounds like that is whst he did, so congratulations!

      Posted by 30thoughts | January 22, 2015, 2:54 PM
  17. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years no kids but we have been living together for a little over a year now.I’m only 23 so I know something like marriage is still far away right now.he’s only 21 so marriage doesn’t seem like anything he remotely cares about.I thought about promise rings because I think it symbolizes that trust and commitment you have for your partner but he just laughed and said it was childish.what I really want is the real thing but he keeps saying he won’t ever get married.and maybe in 5 years we can think about getting promise rings which is damn retarded why would I wait 5 years for a damn promise ring at that point?I see it as something of a pre engagement ring too when your already an adult.just a physical way of letting people know that you are in a committed relationship.now I feel s AQtupid for trying to do something that I thought could be really romantic.but I don’t think our relationship is going to last to much longer because he doesn’t really seem to want to fully commit and I’m tired of feeling like I’m the one pressuring him when I know that something is missing and it’s not about just having a ring….

    Posted by Walls kaiely | December 17, 2015, 7:26 AM
    • @walls kaiely Sounds like you know what you need to do. Btw you are an adult! And if someone tells you they don’t ever want to get married, believe them. Either they really don’t want to marry or they don’t want to marry YOU!

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 17, 2015, 11:09 AM

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  1. Pingback: What’s This Thing About Hating On Men Who Don’t Want To Get Married? | Inside St. Petersburg's Head - August 2, 2012

  2. Pingback: Another Point of View | - November 12, 2013

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Basketball is like that fine chick that's exciting but she's ALWAYS around. You get bored quickly. Football is that chick that gives you just enough, but keeps you wanting more...

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