off the cuff

10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey

I’ve just finished the last book in the highly-acclaimed Fifty Shades trilogy by E.L. James, and I’m actually a little disappointed that it’s over.  These “erotic novels on Viagra (I call them),” set in modern-day Seattle may not ever be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature, but they’ll definitely keep you reading into the wee hours of the night. I’m sure men and women who haven’t yet read the novel are wondering what all the hoopla is about. Well, I’ll tell you…

Over the course of the three books, Christian Grey, a devastatingly handsome, rich, and successful bachelor, falls madly in love with the feisty, shy, underrated, Anastasia Steele.  Although it is a classic, boy meets girl, love story, expect the unexpected.  Women, married and single, young and old have flooded social media expressing their desire to find their own real-life Christian Grey, and here are what I believe to be the top 10 reasons why.

He’s a freak. Even the most timid woman has a deep-seated desire to be pushed to her sexual limits. Mr. Grey’s character is not only kinky, but he’s wildly seductive, and leaves no part of Anastasia’s body unfettered.

All the obvious reasons.  I am lumping his charm, success, business acumen, wealth and good looks all into one because these qualities play a small role in what makes Christian swoon-worthy.

He’s a one-woman man.  Despite his ability to garner attention from some of the most beautiful women all over the country and around the world, he only has eyes for the lovely, but awkward, Anastasia.  It takes her a while to accept that despite his eligibility, she is the one he wants and loves, but once she does, there is no limit to what she will do, and where she will go to please him.

He seeks counseling for his issues.  I can’t even count how many men I have encountered who truly need therapy to overcome abuse, daddy issues, mommy issues, etc., but they don’t seek help, continuing to make the same mistakes, and hurting others in the process.

He is unaware of his overall appeal.  A guy who knows he’s a “catch” usually comes off as arrogant and most times he is.  It’s great to know your worth, but humility rules.

He’s a philanthropist.  He gives back to those that are less fortunate, which indicates selflessness and compassion.

He gives Anastasia the world.  Women want to know that, even if you can’t, you would give her the world if you could.

He can fight.  No matter how big or small, every man should be able and willing to protect and fight for the woman he loves.

He’s exciting.  Once Anastasia meets Grey, there’s never a dull moment.

He’s flawed.  Perfection is highly overrated.  Own your imperfections; someone will love you just the way you are.

There are more qualities I could list, but these are my top 10.  Ladies, what would you add? I’ve also included pictures of men that I think should play Grey in the much anticipated film adaptation.  Who do you think should play Grey?



47 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey

  1. Interesting how all women seem to want a one woman kind of man. Historically this has not been the case as much.

    Posted by thelovemanifesto | September 8, 2012, 9:22 PM
    • Really? I suppose that could be assumed because there were proud mistresses and such back then, but still I think women wanted their man to adore them only, they just couldn’t demand it or require it then like they can now.

      Posted by 30thoughts | September 9, 2012, 6:52 AM
  2. My wife is in the middle of reading it now, and her demeanor has definitely changed since downloading the series. Hey, no complaints here.

    Posted by isomKuade | September 11, 2012, 6:46 AM
  3. I just finished the first two books and i was contemplating whether i should read book 3 as well. I have also been dying to find someone to discuss this book with- none of my friends are into reading. Coming to think of it, Thor- not sure of his real name- should play Mr Grey.. i can see it now..*unholy thoughts*

    I agree with all ten points above.

    I also want to add that he’s willing to try something different! Most guys are set in their ways when it comes to doing almost anything- but hes willing to go ‘vanilla and hearts + roses’ for her.

    He is present. This really appeals to women because Christian is always there for Ana, he gives her all his attention when they are together and he really is one call away if she needs him. When they are together, he always stresses that “you.are.mine.”- excuse the context though, but he makes her know she is the most important thing in that moment. I will overlook the stalkerish tendencies.

    He yearns for Ana in every aspect. He’s into her physically (excuse the pun), they converse about things that are important and he just cant get enough. He is captivated by this girl who has a low self esteem and doesnt sound attractive by societal standards- jus saying. He wants her and only her- this ties in with a point above. He is enthralled by her. She doesnt have to jump through hoops, acquire an MBA/PHD, be pretty even in her sleep to impress him; just being herself is good enough for him. Ana in converse sneaks and jeans is perfect for him. #imaginethat

    He’s an Alpha Male, a renaissance man if you please to call him. Every guy wants to be him and everyone woman wants him. Hes a in control of every situation- with the help of Taylor and he has the power to do what has to be done- firing the creep-fest boss of Ana’s.

    Thats all …Laters, baby! lol

    Posted by royaltey | October 21, 2012, 6:16 PM
    • It’s unfortunate that none of your friends are interested in the read, but you now have someone to discuss the book with.
      I’m glad you agreed with all my points, and I agree with yours as well. Everyone wants to feel special – men and women. Although he does have stalkerish tendencies, it isn’t harmful to Ana and it doesn’t seem that he would ever harm one hair on her head. He only wants to protect her – overbearing, but endearing.

      Do you think Christian Grey exists in real life or only in the pages of this book or our dreams? I’d like to think there is some man out there who could have any woman he wants but only has eyes for one, but in today’s society, I just can’t see it, which is one other reason why women love Christian Grey. He’s a dream, a work of art, and unfortunately a figment of our imagination!!

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. If you’d like to chat more about the book, I’m down. Laterz baby lol ( I liked that!)

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 22, 2012, 12:06 PM
      • that’s right…christian is just a fictious character..i don’t think there is any guy out there with all christian grey’s qualities…every girl wants grey but there has to be one!!!

        Posted by jhilmil | May 3, 2013, 2:40 PM
      • Lol Yeah there is no Grey! Matt Bomer huh? I had never heard of him, but I just looked him up. He seems to fit the bill physically. Can’t wait for the movie! Thanks for stopping by!

        Posted by 30thoughts | May 4, 2013, 12:14 AM
    • well, the same case was with me..i wanted to discuss with someone about this book but my friends don’t really like to read…this book is jus awesome(ignoring some erotic points)…i am deeply in love with christian grey…and i think matt bomer is the most perfect mr grey…and you surely wrote perfect points…..laters!!!

      Posted by jhilmil | May 3, 2013, 2:23 PM
  4. I cant believe how shallow women have become, your discussing & looking for reasons why women love Mr Not Real Grey, Are your lives really that dull, boring & empty that your in love with a fictional man created by a woman for women, I have read the 1st book & it was so poorly written full of superficial characters, FFS get a life ladies

    Posted by MonkeyMagic | December 30, 2012, 8:37 AM
    • Dear MonkeyMagic: What’s wrong with wishful thinking?? The book was marketed to housewives and soccer moms, so maybe their lives ARE that boring and dull. What’s it to you? Why do you care if women love Christian Grey? Maybe you’re the total opposite??

      It is sad though isn’t it? The pickings are so slim that we have to fantasize about a fictional character to get our kicks…

      What is FFS? I hate all these acronyms! Anyhoo thanks for reading and commenting.

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 30, 2012, 11:52 AM
      • Dear 30thoughts,

        I love your thoughts (no pun intended). I agree with you & RoyalTey completely about 50 shades.

        I’m losing my sight and recently received a book player. After receiving it the first book I listened to was the trilogy. I really enjoyed being able to picture the story as it happened. As well as the characteristics you pointed out, that really get over looked by most peoplep who have read these books. He really is a well developed character, that you can’t help but become attached to. MagicMonkey nothing is wrong with wishful thinking, that’s what books are for- to take you to another place, to explore things different from your norm.

        I’m a writer myself. I haven’t been able to write for a while because of my vision. But I must say reading these novels have inspired me, and I can’t wait to get back to it.

        Laterz Baby lol 🙂

        Posted by Miss.BlindGypsy | January 3, 2013, 5:36 AM
      • Miss.BlindGypsy,

        Thank you for commenting and foremost fro visiting the site. It saddens me to hear about your sight, but please continue writing. I’ll check your blog out soon.

        You hit the nail on the head…books are written to awaken the imagination and it has definitely gotten people talking. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I’m glad we’re on the same page! I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts here! Laterz baby back at ya! Love it! lol

        Posted by 30thoughts | January 3, 2013, 9:38 PM
    • I’m a woman and will never understand why any woman (bored or otherwise) would swoon over such a monster. Ugh!
      Oh, and I think FFS means “for f**k’s sake”

      Posted by blushrerotica | October 9, 2013, 6:14 PM
    • MonkeyMagic,(I gather you are male from your jaded post above) I am a male reader fan of the FSoG trilogy and found it hard to put it down at the end of a chapter wanting to know what happens next. No, I am not gay but do appreciate a good thriller/romance story and i am quite comfortable with my manhood to admit Christian Grey and other men are handsome, sexy and etc. I don’t know many guys that wouldn’t want to be like him in some way or another…his height of confidence would be the greatest i believe
      Yes i do agree that the first book wasn’t written very well but it got just about everyone that read it hooked and wanting more, It did leave most people very disturbed with the happenings at the end of the first book when Ana left, but that was the teaser.
      Anyway,if you are picking on women and calling them shallow for fantasizing over fictional men, what do you call men who look at or read porn…that is just fantasizing over a fictitious women and superficial characters that don’t really exist. Why do men look at porn…cuz some of our lives might be as dull and boring as some,but not all housewives (and other women readers) and we are just looking for an “out” instead of communicating verbally & physically with our spouses and focusing those fantasies and adoration we have in our heads toward our wives/girlfriends instead of our hand. Hey, if it gets her engine running and horned up…take advantage of the situation, and maybe spank her a little her and there.

      Posted by GreyFan | January 29, 2015, 11:04 PM
    • You’re my hero. Thank you for finally expressing this thought. (I haven’t read the books, but only heard about the story, and have been wracking my brain online for the past ten minutes, trying to figure out WHY this abusive tale is so popular??) Kudos!

      Posted by Jen | February 15, 2015, 9:51 AM
  5. Completely agree with all of your points. One obvious reason for me is because Christian Grey loves Anastasia so much just the way she is.
    Ian Somerhalder would be perfect for his role. He’s very hot as Damon Salvatore in Vampire’s Diaries 😉

    Posted by Karina | February 18, 2013, 5:50 PM
    • Yes!! I think everyone of us ladies hopes to find that man that loves us unconditionally and exclusively. Thanks for reading, Karina. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter, Like the site on FB or subscribe so we can stay connected!

      Posted by 30thoughts | February 20, 2013, 10:38 PM
  6. I have read all the books in the trilogy and I remember when I first began reading them, I was a bit hesitant, because I didn’t really know what I was going in for, lol. But anyways, I absolutely love the books. Ana is the center of Christian’s world. He protects her and loves her, and I just love reading about those kind of relationships, even though he can be a bit of a stalker, but that’s just a part of who he is- at least he doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not:)

    Posted by Christina | February 27, 2013, 8:14 PM
    • Exactly Christina! Many women are idealists when it comes to love and Christian, if a guy like him exists, embodies everything we want, flaws and all. Thanks for visiting! Hope to hear from you more.


      Posted by 30thoughts | March 1, 2013, 2:26 AM
    • so true, christina…i don’t think there r christian grey’s in this real world…i love being in fictious world as the stories seems so true but are not worth for real world.!!!

      Posted by jhilmil | May 15, 2013, 10:42 AM
  7. I know this is an old article, but it is the best I found on the topic, and I finally, after a long struggle decided to read the books. Boy what I was missing! 🙂
    There is a point in the third book, when her dad is in the hospital, where Christian is, for the first time, overwhelmed and there is nothing he can do, and Ana points out that he is human after all. But even then, he manages to pull out some aces and brings all her loved ones for an amazing birthday party. That fragment was key to me. Christian Grey can be hypnotizing, because (added to all above) this man takes all her cares away, and the main characteristic of a woman is that she carries the world’s problems on her shoulders. Men often make it sound like even the smallest problem is a huge ordeal, so yeah, it takes a guy with Christian’s money, looks, power and all else to make us believe that they can and want to take our worries away (from money, to silly things as “did I take the pill today?”)…

    Posted by Ella | March 23, 2013, 1:03 AM
    • So true! I’m glad you decided to comment despite the fact that I wrote the article a while back. I’m also glad you decided to read the books. Men who read articles like these or that hear about the 50 shades trilogy and get angry are doing themselves a disservice. This is what women want!! If he ever questioned what women want, this would be the blueprint (aside from Christian’s possessive and crazy ways).

      You bring up a good point about him being a savior of sorts. Women tend to people pleasers, which like you said, results in us carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. It would be nice to have a man who wants to take all your cares away, a man who makes you feel safe, and desired. I wonder if this exists…

      Posted by 30thoughts | March 23, 2013, 2:28 AM
  8. I was so deeply in love with a philandering polygamist. I felt trapped! The Trilogy freed me! I totally identified with Ana! All women deserve to be treated right! I don’t believe there is a Christian Grey out there but if we reach for the sky we certainly should hit the barn door! I almost didn’t read the books as I assumed it was just about BDSM (based on my friends reviews). I was pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be a beautiful love story and after the first book I could really look past the raunchy bits!

    Posted by Ruly | April 10, 2013, 12:05 AM
    • @Ruly No Christian Grey out there…?? 😦 You just burst my little hopeful bubble lol

      Posted by 30thoughts | April 11, 2013, 4:01 AM
      • Sorry :)! But really with all his imperfections he is the perfect man. Does such a man exist? I’ve met good people but this whole package?? We can dream I suppose! Lol

        Posted by Ruly | April 11, 2013, 9:09 AM
      • Yeah that’s what’s so awesome about his character. He’s perfect, flaws and all! It’s probably true that he doesn’t exist in our world because most rich men like him feel entitled to everything because they are rich. Also, most people that are good looking know they are and use their powers for evil lol. Christian uses his assets, looks, power and money to enhance the life of one special person – Ana. Swoon!! lol

        Posted by 30thoughts | April 11, 2013, 9:15 PM
  9. i’ve been searching everything to just know a single information regarding the trilogy movie..when i read the trilogy,i was completely mesmerised..the character of christian grey was so beautifully woven that it’s hard for any girl to overlook him..since the time i’ve read the book,i just think of christian grey..!!! he’s fictious but isn’t there a single guy with all his qualities??i think i deserve to get a christian grey…cause in this real world i don’t think i could possibly find my christian grey…so,i rather be in my own me+christian grey’s fictious world..

    Posted by jhilmil | May 15, 2013, 10:49 AM
  10. I am awaiting for the releasing of the movie fifty shades.
    christian grey

    Posted by Victoria Poulin | August 5, 2013, 4:33 PM
  11. There really is a real life Christian Grey and Im lucky enough to be married to him. I was young, naive and a virgin when I met him. He and I were each others first love. He shares many of the same qualities as Grey diwn ti the physical (yes hes a swoonworthy Adonis like Grey). He had gray eyes, women would gawk and get nervous around him even when I’m present. The fact that they have the same birthday is funny enough but they share almost exact personalities. Both have mommy issues, admit to being possesive and a control freak. He used to even handpick my wardrobes for me and even buys me the latest tech gadgets because he thinks I deserve the best. He does get pretty pushy and overbearing calling to remind me to do things or demands I eat the food he gets me immediately. His mercurial moods is very tiresome but overall…he loves me the way I am, casual and all. Not to mention…he has been talking for a few years even before the book, that he wants to open a salon/spa. His food of choice…oysters and asparagus. I wishI could post a pic Iif him. He really is a hunk of a man…a beautiful specimen. And is there for me anytime I need him night or day just a call away. His name also starts with a CH. Lol.

    Posted by LaReine | October 3, 2013, 2:38 PM
  12. We had a rough start in our relationship and most of my friends werent appeased by him once they got past his looks, but through time…hes been so devoted and he has changed for the better like Christian did. It may have been the fact that I did walk out on him n he became desperate n couldnt bear to lose me. It helped shift his perception on our relationship so hes tried his best. The fact that Ana and I both put our foot down and standing up to control freaks like our men….makes them want to change instead of trying to cater to their needs like some women would in hopes to change them. We let them hit an emotional rock bottom and come to an epiphany.

    My husband and I still have our bickering moments but we are best friends. Married for 12 yrs but together for 18 and no one could replace him, not even a young billionaire hunkie could. He is my Christian Grey.

    Posted by LaReine | October 3, 2013, 2:48 PM
    • @La Reine WOW! Your man sounds amazing. Wish we could see a pic.

      I think also we wonder whether all of these qualities, the favorable ones, at least, can exist in one man. For instance, wealthy men have a sense if entitlement to have their dalliances even when they’re in a relationship or married. Same thing with a man who is good in bed only sharing his “talents” with one woman.

      I still think it’s darn near impossible to find a guy who possesses all of Grey’s favorable qualities even when he has met his “Ana.”

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 3, 2013, 8:28 PM
  13. I can give you 10 reasons why we hate Christian Grey:
    He is an abuser.
    He is arrogant to the extreme.
    He is too controlling.
    He is irrevocably emotionally scarred.
    He enjoys hitting and hurting women.
    He doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion other than his own.
    He doesn’t take no for an answer.
    He is too stupid to know when to stop.
    He is a stalker.
    He is manipulative.
    Oh darn, that’s 10, but I could keep going. You women who swoon over this monster (fictional or otherwise) have lost your minds!

    Posted by Blush | October 9, 2013, 6:10 PM
    • @Blush So…you read the trilogy? Obviously not.
      Who exactly was he abusing? He was actually the one who was abused. The women he “dealt” with were all consenting adults.
      “He enjoys hitting and hurting women” This is simply NOT true. Did he ever hit or hurt any of the women he “dealt” with?

      The only thing you stated that is remotely true is that he is extremely flawed. But, who isn’t?

      Monster is a strong word, in my opinion, reserved for murderers, rapists, child molesters and domestic abusers. He is none of these things. But, thanks for giving your 2 cents!

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 9, 2013, 8:32 PM
      • I’m sorry, this is a very late reply, but he’s very emotionally manipulative of Ana. Its clear her thoughts are hesitant and second-guessing what he asks her to do. In chapter 12 he literally breaks into her house and rapes her. Not joking. He legitimately says “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.”. That’s not consent, and she has yet to agree to his contract.

        He asks for consent other times, but doesn’t seem to care if she says yes or no. Rarely does he even give her TIME to say no, and uses her obvious lack of sexual experience against her by making her feel uneducated whenever they talk about the contract.

        Yes, he’s a rapist and a domestic abuser. He doesn’t ask her permission, and any time she pushes back from his advances and demands, he practically forces his wishes on her. He claims she can say no to the contract. He claims she can leave him. But, the second she tries, he rapes her. THIS IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. He even makes her feel guilty for stupid things like calling her friends. THAT’S EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

        I’m sorry, but you cannot claim he’s not abusive. BDSM is consensual, where two parties talk over what they can and cannot do, and the fact is, the SUBMISSIVE is the one who decides what goes and what doesn’t. It’s the SUBMISSIVE who’s going to be suffering if what happens goes beyond what they can handle. A person won’t get emotionally or physically scarred from hurting another person. If she doesn’t want to do what he asks, she should say so or he can go away. If he’s really as in love as people claim, he can make exceptions for her like not making her eat on a certain diet, not making her have a personal trainer, and actually listening to her and her issues with the contract instead of brushing her off like she’s a little kid.

        He’s an abuser and a rapist and a stalker and much too entitled for his own good. There’s no proof of otherwise, and there’s no excuse to be given. Being abused before doesn’t give him the right to abuse others.

        Posted by Maya | August 9, 2014, 9:10 AM
      • @Maya Well, you use some strong language, but some women enjoy this type of “sex” where they are dominated. It seems Christian just brought out her inner freak. The only way I would call it rape is if Ana had no choice in the matter or was held against her will. She was not. He’s a little weird, but every man has his flaws. But, this was not anything she wasn’t willing to deal with, obviously because she ended up marrying him!

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 26, 2014, 8:08 AM
  14. Where the picture of Ian Somerhalder? Because I could picture him through out all 3 books.

    Posted by Nuriah | May 7, 2014, 12:55 AM
  15. You said it all! Women love Christian Grey because he is pretty as a greek god, successful, rich as hell and he gives Anastacia expensive stuffs and takes her to chic restaurants and parties, he is intelligent, polite, mysterious, seductive, he gives her so much pleasure in bed, it is always an adventure to be with him (the charlie tango, the glider, the adrenaline about Leila at his home, etc.), he is concerned about her all the time, he feels jealous of her and he would fight and do anything for her, Anastacia knows that all women in the world wants to be her, he makes her feel unique and exclusive, he is faithful, he has nice taste for clothes, he is heterossexual (of course), she feels she can save him from his troubled past and his childhood traumas… All women in the world desire a man like Christian Grey. He is just perfect. But that guy doesn’t exist at all!! I feel like reeding a fairy tale for adults! Haha

    Posted by Claudia Lopes (@claudinhanl) | August 14, 2014, 11:54 PM
  16. Too bad Grey is an abusive asshole. No woman should find him sexy, or even want to be in that kind of a relationship. Nothing in that book is romantic, it’s awful. I’ve read all three books myself, and I can’t even wrap my head around how anyone thinks these books are great. The author has no idea how to write a relationship, much less a BDSM relationship. This book is all about abuse, manipulation, and nothing else.
    Fucking open your eyes.

    Posted by Yaldaboth | February 7, 2015, 8:44 PM


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