I think it’s safe to say that, in relationships, timing is everything. The chances of meeting someone who feels the exact same way about you at the exact same time, and who wants exactly what you want when you want it has proven to be an anomaly. So, it is interesting that most would advise you to leave or stop dating a significant other, who is not ready to be in a committed relationship/marriage if that is what you want at that particular time.
I have a friend, who shall remain nameless, who was dating a particular guy. He was everything she wanted and I believe the same was true for him. They dated for a matter of months, and while they were both in like with each other, she was ready for a family, but he was not. Although she felt some kind of way about this guy, she wanted what she wanted and became involved with a different guy who was much less desirable in terms of baggage, aesthetics and age, but who was willing to give her what she wanted at that time – a family. They eventually married, but she is often riddled with regret with regard to her decision to marry her husband.
Other relationships that lend themselves to the ‘be with the one you love’ dilemma are what I like to call, Dragons, Cheetahs and Chameleons.
Dragons are basically committed relationships that drag on merrily for months and even years, with no promise of a deeper commitment.
Cheetahs are just that – relationships where men/women cheat because they are not ready to be committed to just one woman or one man at that particular time, but where they don’t want to lose their partner, so they pretend to be monogamous.
Chameleons resemble real monogamous relationships, but no commitment has been made by either party – perpetual dating.
I could go on with examples of situations where women are often faced with the decision to be with the one they love or love the one they’re with. And, while we all know that there are other fish in the sea, why is a woman considered to be selling herself short or stupid if she chooses to be with the one she loves? When there is blatant disrespect involved as with cheetahs, I understand, but with dragons and chameleons, why should she leave? I’ve seen all 3 instances end favorably for the woman – being that she ultimately got the ring and the life she wanted WITH the man she wanted.
Besides, are there really plenty of fish in the sea? Isn’t finding true love rare? If it is, then why not try to make it work with the one you love rather than starting anew? It’s slim pickings out there, so my advice would be to be with the one you love. After all, for most, isn’t it the love, not the lifestyle, that we crave?
What would you tell a loved one in a similar situation? Be with the one they love or love the one they’re with?