Common Sense Diaries, relationship rhetoric

Answers to Your Common Dating Questions

How come he only texts me, and never calls? He doesn’t want to talk to you, he’s not that into youMy girlfriend isn’t affectionate, why?  She doesn’t want to touch you, nor does she want you touching her because she’s not into youMy boyfriend cheated on me, why? She was hot and he’s not that into youHow come I haven’t met his family? He doesn’t want to marry you and he’s not into youMy man doesn’t tell me he loves me, what should I do? Leave him because he doesn’t love you and he’s not that into youWhy does my girl flirt with other guys in front of me when she knows it hurts my feelings? She doesn’t respect you AND she’s not that into youWhy won’t he commit? He’s not into youWhy does my girlfriend still want to talk to her ex? She’s still into him, not youMy lady never wants to have sex, what’s up with that? She doesn’t like sex…especially with you because she’s not that into youMy man never compliments me? He doesn’t have anything nice to say (because he’s not that into you), so he says nothing at all

Hopefully, you sensed a pattern.  About 90% of the time, if we are not getting the commitment, time and attention we want in our relationship, the reason why is quite simple – he or she is just not that into you.


Self-proclaimed relationship gurus are making millions by telling women what they should change to hook a husband (Why Men Marry Bitches) or what they should stop doing to make a man fall in love (Think Like a Man) when the answer is simple.  The reality is, one day you will meet a man or a woman who likes/loves you – as weird, unattractive, annoying and awkward as you are.

To put my theory into perspective, I will leave you with this:

Think of your celebrity crush…Why celebrities?  Because seemingly they have it all – money, looks, fame and personality – at least that’s the assumption.  Assuming the object of your partner’s affection is all they thought they would be, do you think they would behave in a manner that would sabotage their chances of success with that person?  I know that if today, TJ Holmes left his wife and scoured the earth to find me, I’d do whatever it took to stay in his good graces and I imagine his graces are GOOD.

I know the truth hurts and I hate to be the bearer of bad news in stating the obvious, but believe me, I am  speaking to myself, as well. We’ve all found ourselves praying, wishing and hoping that the one we love will love us back with the same intensity, but sometimes it’s just not meant to be, and we have to be brutally honest with ourselves, brush our shoulders off and move on.

Do you find yourself over-analyzing your relationships?  Do you agree that if your partner isn’t putting forth the effort necessary to sustain the relationship, that person is not that into you? Or, do you feel there are other factors that can keep your partner from allowing the relationship to reach its full potential?



12 thoughts on “Answers to Your Common Dating Questions

  1. TT:

    I am an extremely analytical person but find myself analyzing my relationships less and less as I grow older. While there are some things deserving of profound consideration, I believe most should be taken at face value. I find praying, hoping, and wishing the person one loves to feel the same way to be an exercise in futility. One should take it for what it is and just move on. Life is fleeting and there is no time to waste especially as it relates to wanting someone who doesn’t want you back.

    I agree ‘that if your partner isn’t putting forth the effort necessary to sustain the relationship, that person is more than likely not that into you’ but I believe there are some factors that can keep one’s partner from allowing the relationship to reach its full potential (eg. past hurts, upbringing, fear, etc).

    Posted by Mark | November 7, 2012, 3:30 PM
    • I guess that’s my question. At one point does one decide to get over past hurts, fears, etc. to have a meaningful relationship with someone, especially if that someone is everything they’ve ever wanted?

      While I do believe past hurts and fears can cause turmoil in a relationship, I don’t think it keeps people from “entering” relationships, especially when there is mutual attraction and chemistry.

      Posted by 30thoughts | November 8, 2012, 3:53 AM
  2. Well, a person should decide to get over past hurts, fears, etc. before entering another relationship but we both know that is far from the norm. Getting over past hurts requires forgiveness, overcoming fears demands faith, and I think coming across people that have realized such is not an everyday occurrence.

    Posted by Mark | November 8, 2012, 4:18 AM
    • I agree. That’s why I feel more often than not, past hurts, fears, emotionally unavailability, etc are excuses people use for not entering a relationship with people they really just don’t want to be in a relationship with. There are hoards of people who are not over their past, but will still enter a relationship if they really want to or want that particular person.

      Posted by 30thoughts | November 8, 2012, 4:47 AM
  3. TJ Holmes is married? Dang!!!

    Posted by DailyDealn | November 9, 2012, 1:59 AM
  4. That was hella simple, but contained much truth. We invest in things and people that we are interested in. Other things and people get put to the side or ignored completely. Very honest piece.

    Posted by Up4Dsn | November 10, 2012, 4:37 AM
  5. Enjoyed the read, my favorite kinds of read – the kinds that forces one to walk to the edge of the cliff and look over.

    Just reading the first paragraph should make anyone feel uncomfortable, especially if those particular questions are pondered. And uneasy, if the ponderer hears such point-blank answers from themselves or other sources. If the feelings are strong there is a certain conversation that develops (like this post, for instance) which begins and ends with the age old adage that says, “We can lie to each other but never to ourselves.”

    I guess I’m admitting that I’ve lied to myself, at times, all in the name of “love.”

    Hopefully, never again.

    Posted by don | November 22, 2012, 9:01 PM
    • Thanks Don for commenting. I think we all have lied to ourselves at some point, trying to convince ourselves that a relationship is more than it is, and what we’d like it to be.

      “We can lie to each other, but we can’t lie to ourselves.” Precisely.

      I just feel like a lot of books professing to give women and men the inside advantage on relationships are really selling theories to appease and make money while they’re at it. I had to give it to them straight.

      Posted by 30thoughts | November 24, 2012, 11:47 AM

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