off the cuff

SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

I know this is not the typical insightful post you’re all accustomed to, but I have unfortunately found myself on the hunt for a new place to live, and the search has been quite entertaining thus far.  I despise moving, and had hoped I wouldn’t have to do so again until I was ready to purchase a home or until I got married, but such is life!

Poon and a room

My search for the perfect pad began a few weeks ago, but I just had to share my experience with you all.  While perusing Craigslist, I stumbled upon a posting that read, “OPEN MINDED FEMALE ROOMMATE.”  The tagline piqued my interest, so I clicked on it only to discover that this woman was offering poon and a room.  “I mean we are living together…Not a perv” she wrote. I couldn’t believe it. But, the asking price for the room was uncharacteristically low, so I briefly considered contacting her to inquire, but I didn’t.  I haven’t.  I won’t.  I can’t.

Rentmate wanted

I finally found a place of adequate interest to compel me to go out and view the room in person.  When I arrived, a woman of about 40 years greeted me at the door.  She seemed pleasant enough, but the room was tiny – Strike 1.  As I looked around, she informed me that she would prefer a roommate who isn’t home much – Strike 2 and 3.  My brief consideration turned to dismay.  I’m paying you all this money, and I can’t even be home?! I gave her the “you can’t be serious” face and shook the spot.  Sounds like she’s looking for a rentmate, not a roommate. She better get a sugar daddy and call it a day.

Cat Daddy

Then, there’s the people with 10 million pets.  Why on earth do you have an animal farm in your apartment? There just isn’t enough room for us all. Someone Something has got to go.  I don’t know if I am allergic to cats or anything else, and I don’t really want to find out. Maybe you wouldn’t need a roommate if you got rid of some of those pets eating you out of house and home.  Also, men with cats are suspect ———>.

All by myself

Finally, I wouldn’t want to live with anyone who has a problem with their roommate having overnight guests or who requests a “quiet” roommate.  So, now I have to tiptoe around my own house? Don’t you have friends? A man?  A life?  Anyone that does, would not put such restrictions on prospective roommates.

Other apartment-hunting annoyances include:

  • Postings without pictures (expect ZERO inquiries)
  • Genderless ads (This is basic information – people want to know whether they will be living with a man or woman, duh)
  • Requesting phone calls versus text or email (We are not in a relationship – I don’t have time to roll calls, especially just to ask general questions)
  • Prominently displaying the price that does not include utilities (“So, it’s really $900 a month, not $800, got it”)
  • Telling me I “MUST love dogs” (If I can tolerate dogs, it’s all the same)

Wish me luck! At this rate, I’ll need it.



2 thoughts on “SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

  1. She prefers a roommate who isn’t home very much. Oh OK.

    Most deserving of two strikes.

    Posted by Don | November 29, 2012, 10:35 PM

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