relationship rhetoric

Teams Aren’t Just For Men Anymore


While engaging in salon chat, as women usually do (heck, you’re there for half the day), one of the more mature stylists said that every woman should have a team, also known as a gaggle.  A team is basically a harem of men that satisfy one’s various needs and desires.  I was surprised to hear someone from an older generation advocating for younger women to participate in such a playeristic lifestyle, but men have been doing it for years.

Although selfish, having a team of men that each bring unique qualities to the table ensures that, above all else, your basic needs and wants will ALWAYS be fulfilled.  The 50 Shades trilogy was wildly popular among women for numerous reasons I outline in “10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey,” but primarily because Christian Grey embodied ALL the characteristics that most women want in a man, but rarely find.

If you have become increasingly concerned that you will never find one man who possesses ALL the qualities you desire, maybe you should consider starting a team.  Your team should be more like a basketball team rather than a football team (that could get messy), and if you are unsure how to get started, here are some suggestions as to the types of men you may want to recruit to get the most out of this arrangement.

1) Old Faithful

You love spending time with him. He makes you laugh and is always down to be your plus 1 at events. He’s fun, compassionate when he needs to be, and perfect for a post break-up pick-me-up.

You two aren’t together because you see him as just a friend, but still entertain the possibility of being more, so you let him red-shirt until he proves he’s ready to come off the bench.

2)  Mr. Stand and Deliver

This really needs no further explanation except to say that he has likely provided the best sex you’ve ever had.

You two can’t be together because he’s too busy giving the pipe to everyone else.

3)  The Sugar Daddy

The Sugar Daddy is typically 15-25 years older than his sugar baby. He has money and isn’t afraid to spend it. As a matter of fact, spoiling you is his greatest joy. [Think Donald Trump and his wife, Melania, only you’re not married.]

You two can’t be together because you’re not attracted to him and his man-parts aren’t functioning as well as they used to, so he’ll settle for anything he can get, even if it’s just companionship or an occasional BJ.

4)  Man in Waiting

This guy is someone you want as your own, but for whatever reason – albeit timing – you know that will never happen, at least not anytime soon. You keep him around as a Plan Z of sorts.  You two probably have an agreement that if neither of you is married by ___ age, you’ll marry each other.

You two aren’t together because he is constantly in and out of relationships, but until he gets married, you will keep hope alive.

and finally…

5)  The Ex

I know what you’re thinking…this is dangerous territory. But, let me explain.  You shouldn’t just recruit any old ex to be a part of the team. He should be one with which things ended amicably, but also with whom you feel completely at ease. Around him, you can be yourself.  You can expel all manner of gaseous fumes and he won’t even flinch, and since you all have been there and done that, he can offer up great advice regarding current relationships with other men without advancing his own agenda.  Here, you must choose wisely.

You two aren’t together because…

Note: You are sexually involved with ONLY ONE of your players. This is no accident. Women tend to lose sight of the goal and unintentionally allow their emotions to get the best of them.  Keep your emotions at bay by limiting your sexual partners to 1 (if you so choose to engage in any sexual activity at all).

What do you think? Have you ever considered starting a team? Do you think this is the way to go while you wait for Mr. Right to come along?

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Discussion

3 thoughts on “Teams Aren’t Just For Men Anymore

  1. My, My, My!

    This right here is something I’d luv to discuss further Miriam. If you’re down, let’s schedule a time to record a podcast and talk some more about women establishing a team.

    Posted by Up4Dsn | April 27, 2013, 5:16 PM

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  1. Pingback: Those Selfish and Entitled Women That Men Love | From Ashy to Classy - May 9, 2013

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Basketball is like that fine chick that's exciting but she's ALWAYS around. You get bored quickly. Football is that chick that gives you just enough, but keeps you wanting more...

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