male box, relationship rhetoric

What Women Want


Women want a cross between Ryan Gosling in The Notebook and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Women want Ryan Gosling. I kid. Well, we do, but that’s not going to help your situation.

If you are looking for wife material, and not a ratchet piece of arm candy, then this advice will do wonders for your “game!”  Furthermore, these tips apply at ALL stages: The approach, The date, The Courtship and Marriage. I know…I’m awesome. So, let’s get started!

Before meeting, all anyone has to judge you on are your looks, and maybe your personality, so…

PRACTICE GOOD HYGIENE. I can’t tell you how many potential suitors struck out because they smelled (their body or their breath), didn’t take care of their teeth or just looked sloppy. Having poor hygiene is a sign that you don’t take pride in your appearance, and possibly have low self esteem, which is a huge turnoff to women. If we have to get waxed, plucked, tweezed, nipped, tucked, whitened, tanned, shaved, and softened, the least you can do is trim your nose hairs.

COMPLIMENT HER BEAUTY, NOT HER LOOKS. There IS a difference. Most good looking women have been ogled and harassed since they were in elementary school. Gross, I know! So, telling a woman how sexy she is and drooling over her big bottom and ample bosom will quickly place you in the same category as those other run-of-the-mill guys that have been, and continue to be, the bane of her existence.  DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Beauty comes from within as well as without, so it is much more to say a woman is beautiful because her beauty encompasses many things – her energy, her spirit, her vibe, her personality, etc. Telling a woman she’s beautiful will score more points than exclaiming, “Daaaaaamn” as she’s walking down the street.ryan-gosling

ACT LIKE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW HER, and not her nether regions: Sex talk too soon is a TURN OFF. It tells the woman, ‘I lack self-control,’ ‘I’m immature,’ or ‘I’m a creep.’ There is more to her than a pretty face. Act like it!

ASK QUESTIONS.  You ask questions when you’re curious about someone or something. If you don’t ask questions, she will rightfully assume that your interest lies below, and that you really have no interest in getting to know her personally. Have you ever read an interview? A good interviewer asks thoughtful questions, and doesn’t accept yes and no answers…EVER. Be engaging. Be present. Be inquisitive.

IF YOU WANT HER, GO AFTER HER. I would bet money that most guys complaining about not having a girl are afraid to approach. Most really good looking women rarely get asked out because most men either assume she’s already taken. WRONG. Or, they assume she will not be interested in THEM. WRONG (maybe lol). The bottom line is, you won’t know unless you try.

MAKE HER…  Make her laugh, make her think or make her wonder. If you’re naturally witty, use that. If you’re an intellectual, start an interesting discussion. If you have nothing else going for yourself, or you have little to no personality, make her wonder why you haven’t hit on her.  This approach can be used on someone you see regularly at the gym, church or even work (even though you know I don’t condone workplace romances). If she’s a looker, she will wonder why you’re always so polite, you speak and even compliment her hair on occasion, but you’ve never tried to get at her like all the others.  Being a mystery works well with extremely good looking women. If you can mask your thirst for her long enough to reel her in, you win.

PLAN DATES. Planning dates is a lost art (dinner doesn’t count). I’m talking about doing some activity like going to an art walk or a play, which takes into consideration her interests and personality. Basically, a great date involves doing something that will insight some sort of discussion so that you can begin to understand how your date thinks and feels about different issues and topics.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE A FOOL. Don’t be too cool to let her know how much you like her. Don’t be too cool to call the next day. Don’t be too cool to say ‘I love you,’ if that’s how you feel. Don’t be too cool to fall in love. Don’t be too cool to court her.  I CANNOT stand the “too cool for school” guy.  It’s SO John Travolta in Grease.

Was this helpful? 

Ladies, what would you add? Do you agree/disagree with any of the points above?



13 thoughts on “What Women Want

  1. Hmm. I know you asked the ladies to add or disagree or agree with any of the points above. But since the spirit of the post is aimed at men, then I felt the need to add my perspective. For some reason, I read everything from the POV of me having a discussion with a young man about my teen daughter.

    So the main thing I’d like to add – if a man knows he plans to waste the woman’s time, then don’t bother getting involved if not sincere. That is probably the one thing I would say.

    Speaking from my personal experiences, I believe “dates” are a good idea. Women tend to respond positively during exciting dates and usually the man and woman walks away from a date having enjoyed good conversation and some sort of intimacy, which is always welcomed.

    One question for you: let’s hypothetically say the man does these things and proves to be a nice guy in the process. Yet, the woman doesn’t respond as he would perhaps like? Then what? You know, there are many women who aren’t into “nice guys.”

    Posted by don | August 30, 2013, 2:54 AM
    • Thanks @Don! Guys should feel free to add/agree/disagree with what’s written as well. After all, like you said, it was for you!

      I like the advice you would give the man about your teen daughter. This advice alone would save a lot of men and women lots of heartache, but there will always be douches, unfortunately. But, there will also always be karma lol

      To answer your question: I need clarification first. Basically, you’re asking what if a man embodies all the qualities I listed and does all those things, but the woman still doesn’t like him?

      I personally don’t believe nice guys finish last. I feel that they are simply lacking in some areas that they may not be aware of, hence this article (to make men aware of some of the reasons they are not winning with the ladies). This list is not exhaustive. I plan to do a part 2, but to answer your question, if a woman is not responding to his “good behavior,” he should move on. I have an article called She’s Just Not That Into You. If the woman you’re courting does any of the things listed there, she’s probably not into you and you may want to cut your losses and move on.

      Also, at first, you may want to talk on the phone and do a couple of meet and greets before actually starting to date her. You”ll know during the meet and greets whether she’s feeling you, and then act accordingly.

      I was telling my brother this the other day, if you have to be anything besides your true genuine self to get a girl, she’s not the one, and you don’t want her anyway because you’ll spend the rest of your life (if you marry her) trying to be someone or something you’re not, and most people can’t even keep this up for a few weeks.

      Find someone who appreciates you for you – You can also check out the article and the video, Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last. Hope that helped!

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2013, 3:34 AM
      • Yes, I agree with everything you’ve stated and I also admire how you replied, in a way that if some random guy (I wasn’t talking about myself. Lol) currently experiences any of these setbacks he realizes there is no need to be down on himself. For he acted accordingly and although one or two women in particular might have spoiled his vibe…he can rest assured that the majority of women will show appreciation. Yes, more good advice on your behalf where you stated another belief of mine – karma is the one thing that makes this a perfect world. I know you didn’t quite put it like that, but you know what I mean.If I have learned but one thing in life: do not be ashamed to cut your losses and move on.

        I assure my daughter from lessons I’ve learned in life. The man that she thinks she isn’t going to marry will be the exact type of man that she will marry. Why? Because experience taught me that after the bad boys seek and destroy pretty much every idea of love that my daughter had beforehand, she will be overjoyed to find a nice guy who she will then appreciate more than ever. Of course I wish no heartache upon my daughter, it’s just one of those “the moral of the story” type of deals that hopefully sticks with her in life.

        Also, I recall watching your Nice Guys video around the first time I checked your site and being overcome with laughter while noticing the amount of sincerity expressed by yourself. I was impressed. It coincided perfectly with my belief that Nice Guys do not finish last. I posed the question to you (for your new readers who hadn’t checked the must-read article and video) because I had hoped you would bring to their attention. And to show that I may or may not own a few PR skills. Lol.

        So, again, if there is a random nice guy reading these comments (as Miriam suggested) ALWAYS be yourself and if the woman doesn’t positively respond to your gentleman-like behavior…just know that it says more about the woman than it does you.

        Posted by don | August 30, 2013, 9:44 AM
      • You’re awesome!! ALL PR is great PR. I appreciate that and you for always adding insightful thoughts and questions to the conversation!

        My brother told me a long time ago that I wouldn’t know true love until I had had my heart broken. And while, no one wishes that for their loved ones, it is a common and educational experience that will assist your daughter and others in finding true love 🙂

        Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2013, 9:26 PM
  2. yes great article. These are all ways how serious grown men should treat women. However, I’m not so sure some become relevant unless the woman is interested or at least open to the idea. We live in a twisted world. Everyone should practice good hygiene and compliment a woman’s beauty but if she’s not interested, her ego is stroked with the compliments if at all and the hygiene won’t matter. Going after he, asking questions and acting like you want to get to know her sounds good on paper but doing this to the woman that isn’t interested makes you show “stalker tendencies” or everyone’s favourite, THIRSTY. Making her laugh, planning dates and acting like a fool are usually done during the relationship so there’s never really a bad side to those in this context. Traditionally, these traits would have been seen to all or at least most as being a serious contender for a partner but nowadays both sexes have rearranged the score so it’s never as simple as it seems. I must reiterate though that all serious men should act like this when it comes to dating or being in a relationship and like Don said, if you approach someone like a gentleman and she doesn’t respond positively to your behaviour (doesn’t mean she has to like you) it speaks a lot about her character

    Posted by petersburgh | August 30, 2013, 2:44 PM
    • You mentioned a woman not being interested…As I stated, these things are important at all stages of the process even into marriage.

      This was an article about what women want, not how to make a girl interested in you. That’s almost impossible if she is not the woman for you. There is no magic quality that makes women across the board fall for a particular guy because beauty and good looks are subjective.

      Of course this is not all it takes to get a woman, but this is a great start. As I said earlier, there will be a part 2, but you should make sure these things are in tact first and foremost. Everyone is not going to like you or be attracted to you. Everyone doesn’t feel Halle Berry is the most beautiful woman in the world. Guess why? Because people have their own preferences and you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

      But doing the things I listed will increase your chances, and to your point “Making her laugh, planning dates and acting like a fool are usually done during the relationship so there’s never really a bad side to those in this context,” I disagree. This should be done on approach, while dating, in the relationship and should continue through marriage. The biggest complaint I hear from women is that men don’t take women on dates. It makes women feel as though you’re not putting in the requisite effort it takes to woo her. We want to be wooed dang it!! lol

      Posted by 30thoughts | August 30, 2013, 9:38 PM
  3. Ha! I agree 100%. It saddens me that hygiene has to be discussed…that’s a no-brainer! Dudes – just, live as if you give a sh!t.

    Posted by ABjr | September 1, 2013, 4:45 PM
    • @ABjr It really is sad. You would think having good hygiene goes without saying, but unfortunately that’s not the case.

      Also, some may not know what constitutes good hygiene. Long nails are not attractive and especially not long dirty nails or the superfluous long pinky nail. Dry, chapped lips, etc. Thanks for cosigning!

      Posted by 30thoughts | September 1, 2013, 9:16 PM
  4. Plan dates is so important to me. You’re right one point!

    Posted by Alana | October 31, 2013, 6:38 AM
  5. Great article. I believe that if both parties in the relationship were to adhere to these standards, the relationship would grow stronger and the effect of falling into “slumps” could be prevented, or at least lessened.

    What I would add is that speaking about previous partners is a big no-no. Although bringing them up in a negative connotation can sometimes be charming to your partner when you explain how much better off you are now, the fact is that no one likes to be compared. Period. No matter how you bring up an ex, your partner will ALWAYS feel like you’re making a comparison.

    Also, if you’re constantly complaining about how bad your ex was, and speaking ill of them, then all we can think is that this person is still so important to you that you cannot get them out of your mind. This will inevitably cause resentment and hurt… and it applies for all stages of a relationship.

    Posted by Practical_Diva | December 28, 2013, 7:23 AM
    • Thank you @practicaldiva. I agree with your stance in discussing exes. After all, the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference, so if someone still speaks of their ex negatively, their may be unresolved issues there.

      Unless someone is still going through bad experiences with an ex (where there are kids involved), there is no reason for an ex to constantly come up in conversation.

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 28, 2013, 8:58 AM

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