relationship rhetoric

Warning To All Married People


DO NOT DIVORCE!   I REPEAT, DO NOT DIVORCE!

If you have someone you love who loves you back, be thankful. Don’t give up on your partner just because you’re bored or times get hard.  Work it out because the current state of dating is TRAGIC, to put it mildly.

Remember this moment...

Remember this moment…

I was reading the comments on a letter soliciting advice from an on-air radio personality.  The woman who wrote in had been “dating” a guy for 2 years when he suddenly disappeared.  She learned, after running into a friend of his 4 months later, that he had recently married. Of course, she was shocked and disappointed that she was not chosen. But, there was all this hoopla in the comments about who should have said what, whether she knew she was just a sidepiece, that she had done/given too much without a title, blah blah. You can read the madness here.  My thing is, (in the words of Lauryn Hill) “it could all be so simple.”

Dating these days can be terribly confusing. You have to constantly “check in ” to see where things are going, and you mustn’t get too comfortable until you’re unequivocally exclusive.  Don’t text too much or call too soon, and NEVER commit the cardinal sin of following your heart or falling in love first.  Be selfish. Be aloof. Don’t be thirsty. Don’t be needy. Don’t have expectations.  Date as much as you can, and as many people as you can, so as not to be available for the person you really like. Women aren’t to have sex with the guy they see a future with, ONLY with the guy who is clear about only wanting them for sex; he is respected for his candor.  Don’t talk too much. Be confident. Stay busy, but make time to date. Trust no one, but remember that trust is key in a successful relationship .  Don’t jump to conclusions, but trust your gut.  Sadly, I could go on.

Not these.

Not these.

You may laugh, but it’s a sad state of affairs in Single Land, and trust me, you want NO parts of it.

I know what you’re thinking:

1)  Singles are so lucky! They can just come and go as they please…

Newsflash: NO ONE can go and come as they please 90% of the time ANYWAY because most of us have these things called jobs.  True freedom is an illusion.

2)  Wow! Single people are so cool…

I know single people seem cool, but we’re not. The term “cool” is reserved for the carefree, the confident, and the wealthy.  We’re not carefree because we have problems too.  When you’re single, the government doesn’t graciously pay off all your bills and allow you to collect unemployment in perpetuity.

Furthermore, singles, I would guess, are LESS confident than married men and women.  Who is most confident when they are looking for a job?  In this economy, the job hunt can be destitute, as can be the quest to find true love.  There is comfort and security in knowing that, at the end of the day, you can depend on at least one person to always be there for you when you need them.

I would also venture to say that singles, as a whole, are LESS secure financially than their married counterparts. Think about it. Singles have to date. They have to spend money just to meet prospective dates (i.e. online dating, clubbing, eating out, etc.).  Additionally, single people usually maintain separate residences, whereas marriages enjoy the luxury of two incomes in one household working together for the greater good.

3)  Man! I remember back in the day…

Back-in-the-day game is not comparable to millennial game.  You will FAIL miserably at millennial game. The lines you used to pick up chicks back in the day would probably get you slapped today.  Not to mention, if you’ve been married for a considerable amount of time, you’ve likely gained a little extra “cushion for the pushin,” so even if you once got by on your good looks, you will no longer.  Bottom line: You just don’t look like the same! So, don’t fool around and get your feelings hurt.  Take your bald, chunky, hairy behind and have several seats, and be happy that you have someone that loves you, despite your smelly ways.

This was just a little PSA to encourage couples of the world, who are truly happy, to JUST STAY TOGETHER. 

xoxo (gag),

30

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Discussion

17 thoughts on “Warning To All Married People

  1. Yep being single is not the business unless you’re a guy with tons of cash or a girl with no desire to be respectable otherwise you’re fighting a loosing battle against time. Btw time is undefeated.

    Posted by Cold one | October 25, 2013, 9:30 PM
    • “time is undefeated”

      So true! And even then, if you are a guy with lots of money, does that really bring the fulfillment that love can bring? Hardly. There’s a lot of filthy rich, lonely men out there who have avoided intimacy for so long, they don’t even know how to be in relationship with another person.

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 25, 2013, 9:34 PM
  2. I agree with the title for reasons independent of the state of “Single Land”, however, the state of “Single Land” is a dark desolate place with goblins dressed like normal people, where ethics and integrity are as common as a striped unicorn carrying a leprechaun born and raised in Antarctica. So, I agree that married people should want no part of it.

    There are statistics that support your statement “I would also venture to say that singles, as a whole, are LESS secure financially than their married counterparts,” which show that married couples typically live longer, are healthier, and have more successful careers. In business, I have found married men to be much more reliable and stable than single men. That being said, they don’t have as much time “get after it” but that’s okay because they have a more important partnership to tend to.

    I’m not sure if I want to click on the link you shared to the article as I am already somewhat jaded (it’s worse than that) and don’t want to add to my state which grows deeper when I hear or in this case read of another horror story. 😉

    I hope your PSA falls on open ears!!

    Posted by Mark | October 25, 2013, 9:49 PM
    • “the state of “Single Land” is a dark desolate place with goblins dressed like normal people, where ethics and integrity are as common as a striped unicorn carrying a leprechaun born and raised in Antarctica.”

      THIS! Hilarious…it IS all of that.

      In the link, the WOMEN go IN on the girl who claimed to be this man’s “ride or die” chick/go to girl or whatever you want to call it. They say that she shouldn’t have been there for him in that manner if she was not his expressly told she was his girlfriend. So, I can’t even care for someone or treat him like a friend UNLESS he’s my boyfriend?? They blamed the woman for being down for this guy, not the man for secretly dating two people and running off and marrying the other without so much as a phone call. It’s actually an interesting thread. If you have time, I’d check it out. It won’t add to your jadedness lol

      Single people are focused on finding a mate or chasing tail, which often takes away from productivity career-wise.

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 25, 2013, 9:58 PM
    • I feel that we are all jaded in one way or another…sadly enough 😦

      Posted by f4ischer | November 13, 2013, 1:54 AM
  3. My favorite line is: ” Don’t talk too much. Be confident. Stay busy, but make time to date.” SO TRUE! SO TRUE!

    I don’t know why married people think the grass is greener on our side cuz its’ not. I truly believe dating is harder than marriage: Constantly having to keep yourself up; the dating pool is a lot smaller than it was 10-20 years ago; too many diseases floating around; and people have more baggage the older you get. Hhhmmpphhh…

    Good piece!

    Posted by Chocolate Vent | October 25, 2013, 10:36 PM
    • @Chocolate Vent YES! Diseases is a big one.

      “I don’t know why married people think the grass is greener on our side cuz its’ not.”

      Because we are an insatiable generation. We are never satisfied. We almost want more and we always want what we can’t have.

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 25, 2013, 10:40 PM
      • True. I guess I’m guilty of thinking that marriage is “somewhat” better than being single. But who can really tell? Different, yes. Better, maybe or maybe not

        Posted by Chocolate Vent | October 26, 2013, 3:07 AM
  4. There are so many things I want to respond concerning this post that I decided to comment via phone. I mean, I couldn’t even wait to get back to the job and comment easier via computer. Lol. Well, I will always say this: you are blessed with a profound understanding of life, no doubt. You seem to have this uncanny ability to go from A to Z with topics, all the whole connecting all the letters in between, which makes for engaging reads.

    I’ve had more than a few female family and friends express how their guy “got married on them” and the whole time I’m thinking how is it possible for a woman not to know when a guy has someone or, as you stated, that the woman doesn’t know she’s a side piece? I be wanting to ask the question but I decline cause the women are usually very emotional over the loss.

    “Women aren’t to have sex with the guy they see a future with, ONLY with the guy who is clear about only wanting them for sex; he is respected for his candor.” I had no idea. But this pretty much explains everything. And here I am thinking the complete opposite. What a shocker! Nah, I’m just kidding. Lol. But if the man that is “marriage material” witnesses said woman sleeping around with men that only want sex, then how is it possible for him to view said woman in that same matrimonial light? I mean, doesn’t that take away from the overall magic? I experienced a situation like this in the past (reason I asked the question) and all it did was make me realize that I was playing the wrong sport. Lol.

    I will say this – and I know it’s not popular opinion – but when someone asks me a question concerning my relationship and love and chemistry and blah blah blah, I reply that my woman and I are together cause we realize it’s cheaper to split bills than be single and foot all the bills. And they will laugh and think I’m cracking a joke, but I am dead serious. I mean, keep it real, we’ve ALL fell in love, experienced mind-blowing sex, loved hard and whatever else. But at the end of the day, relationships aren’t really built on those things. In my humble opinion, relationships are built on nurturing one another. And what nurtures more than a check stub and money order? Lol.

    Okay, I’m joking but you KNOW there is some truth to what I said.

    Posted by Don | October 25, 2013, 10:50 PM
    • @Don Had to wait until I got to a computer to tackle your comment : )

      First, thanks for the compliments and support, as always.

      “How is it possible for a woman not to know when a guy has someone or, as you stated, that the woman doesn’t know she’s a side piece?

      How do people cheat and get away with it? The same way. The guy was likely dating both women at the same time, and neither may have known about the other. If this is the case, she technically wasn’t a side piece, she just didn’t get chosen. There are ways of telling for the average woman like myself, but for women who are young, inexperienced, naive or just plain stupid. Either way, her naivety is no excuse for the guy to take advantage of that or use her for his own selfish gain.

      As far as my rant about the dating dos and don’ts, not all women follow the rules. I use my own discretion when determining how I will behave in a relationship. I’m just letting you know what women are being told to do. The man she feels is marriage material will be none the wiser. It’s called time management! lol Also, she doesn’t have to be screwing every guy in town, just one lol

      “I experienced a situation like this in the past (reason I asked the question) and all it did was make me realize that I was playing the wrong sport. Lol.” Please elaborate : )

      Honestly, I like the fact that you and your girl have a realistic view of things. Marriage and relationships aren’t all about love and lollipops. It’s about how you two work as a team or a partnership. I’m sure there are a lot of relationships because of the economic benefits as opposed to love. You’re not alone in your thinking.

      Posted by 30thoughts | October 26, 2013, 12:50 AM
      • Wrong sport, metaphorically, meaning the entire time I thought she and I were in the coaching phase of our imminent relationship where we comprised our playbook…she was sneaking around and allowing some other dude to put his ball in her hoop! Lol . So yeah, I thought she wanted to play football but as it turns out she wanted to play basketball. Smh. I was respecting this beautiful woman by not wanting to rush her to the bedroom, cause she had earned that respect in my eyes. So it kind of disappointed me to learn differently.

        “It’s called time management.” lmaoooooo. I guess I can laugh at it now.

        I was like 19 years old then so (as usual) it stunted my growth towards (trusting) women in general.

        Thanks for feeling me on realistic view of relationship. So you feel me. It never hurts to be a realist in a world full of never-ending fairytales.

        Posted by Don | October 26, 2013, 11:28 AM
      • @Don It’s a lesson we all learn the hard way unfortunately. The right woman won’t handle things this way. She’ll be able to determine who is worth “special treatment” and who isn’t.

        Posted by 30thoughts | October 26, 2013, 12:16 PM
  5. This is true….and no matter how hard we look we will NEVER find our perfect match…no two people are compatible 100% it is all about how much work you put into it

    Posted by f4ischer | November 13, 2013, 1:54 AM
    • @f4ischer Never?? So, I guess you’ve given up all hope lol. Well, and you can’t seek out perfection or 100% compatibility. We should be realistic and understand that we can’t have everything we want in one person.

      Posted by 30thoughts | November 27, 2013, 3:11 AM

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