relationship rhetoric

How To Handle A Breakup During the Holidays


The Breakup

By Kevin Thompson 

There’s never really a good time for a breakup. But if you got dumped during the holidays, it might become especially hard for you since you don’t really have time to work through your feelings and process your emotions. Hopefully these tips will help you get through this difficult time.

 1. Don’t Try to Bottle up your Emotions

Let yourself feel whatever emotions arise from within you. Give yourself some time to process the emotions. If that means taking a couple days off work and staying at home; then so be it. Grief is a natural reaction to a breakup and you should not try to avoid it. However, you should make sure you balance out the grieving with a little self-reward.

 2. Do Something to Make Yourself Feel Better

Grieving is hard work and it will take a toll on your mind and body. You should make sure you balance it out by rewarding yourself with something you enjoy. Go to a spa, or take a relaxing bath or maybe reward yourself by going on a shopping spree. Just make sure you are not rewarding yourself with something unhealthy.

 3. Don’t Use It as an Excuse for an Unhealthy Lifestyle

A lot of people use drugs or alcohol to cope with the breakup. But in reality, you are not really coping with your feelings by numbing your mind; you are just running away from them. Alcohol and drugs are to breakups what a bandage is to a broken bone; it will numb you for a while, but it will not heal the injury. Similarly, junk food is going to make you feel worse in the long run. Especially, if the only thing you are eating is a big bowl of ice cream.

 4. Stop All Communication with Your Ex

Your ex has been with you through the ups and downs of the relationship, but now it’s over.  He is not going to help you through the ups and downs of the breakup. In fact, he is only going to stop you from moving on. If you are thinking about trying to get back together with your ex, then you are probably just going through the “Bargaining Stage of the Grief Process.”

It’s best to stay away from your ex until you are completely over him. Your mind will try to make you believe that contacting him will ease the pain, but in reality, it will only make it harder for you. Do not let your mind manipulate you into contacting him.

5. Enjoy the Holiday Season While Giving Yourself Some Space

It might become hard to go through the holiday season with your mind completely wrapped up in the useless details of the breakup and your relationship. Remember, your ex was an important part of life. But, the people you are spending the holidays with are still in your life. Do not let your past ruin the present moment. Try to stay positive around your friends and family and don’t shut them off because of your breakup. Find a balance between giving yourself space and spending time with family.

After realizing an amazing opportunity for growth and self-discovery following a painful breakup, Kevin Thompson dedicated his life to helping others find their own post-breakup way toward health, growth and moving on. To read more of his work, visit Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/kevin.breakups or follow him on Twitter @thompkevin123. 

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Discussion

9 thoughts on “How To Handle A Breakup During the Holidays

  1. Okay, so what do you do when you hear from your ex during the holidays?

    Posted by Chocolate Vent | December 25, 2013, 12:45 AM
    • Well, if possible you avoid their call and don’t talk to them at all. There is no reason to fill your head with thoughts about your ex. Thoughts like “do they still have feelings for me?” “Dot they want to get back together?”

      Some people think it’s rude to not return your ex’s call, (especially during the holidays). I say it’s not. You are not responding their calls for your own mental peace. There is nothing rude about it.

      Also, if you absolutely must contact them, just make sure you don’t talk about your feelings and the past relationship. Just wish the a happy holidays and that’s it.

      Posted by K Thomosn | December 26, 2013, 9:35 PM
      • I agree @KThomosn. Brevity is key. Don’t allow them to draw you back in because if the break up is fresh, the relationship WILL come up and you don’t want end up back at square one.

        Posted by 30thoughts | December 26, 2013, 9:52 PM
    • @chocolatevent It sort of depends on how it ended…who broke it off? How long ago? What do you hope to accomplish by communicating with said ex? There usually is no reason to talk unless there are children involved. I would keep it brief and formal.

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 26, 2013, 9:45 PM
  2. I’ve never experienced a breakup during the holidays, but I’d imagine those emotions resemble a breakup, period. And since I have experienced a few breakups in my life (and for the sake of this post), I figured it wouldn’t hurt to compare Kevin Thompson’s advice to a little ad-vahys of my own.

    1. Don’t try to bottle up your emotions: wholeheartedly agreed. I may or not recall times where I’d insist to friends and family that nothing was wrong with me and I wasn’t thinking about that woman. Then, once everyone had gone home for the evening and I’m suddenly alone in my home, I’d go running to the bedroom like all the life had left me, kind of like ol’ boy ran to his car after D-Bo had taken his bike. So yeah, all those bottled up emotions are gonna show, regardless.

    2. Do something to make yourself feel better: one of my closest homies advised me to smoke some weed and relax my mind. Thing is – I don’t smoke weed, so the best I could do was drink some Remy or Hennesy. Bad idea. Liquor had me alllllll in my feelings. Eventually, I joined a gym and lifted weights to relieve stress.

    3. See number 2.

    4. Hahahahahaha. Whatever. Who said that was me calling from a blocked number just so I could hear her voice and/or to see if she would answer?

    5. I believe the keyword here is “enjoy.” And that’s basically what eventually helped the most. I stopped all the lying to myself, stopped going to the gym, stopped the calling from blocked numbers and other people’s phones, and started hanging around people who only offered good, positive advice. That’s pretty much how I eventually “moved on with my life.” So my advice to others would be to stay positive and surround yourself with positive people. Oh, and I took my mom’s advice: she told me that she was a woman and the worse feeling in the world for a woman to experience is the feeling that coincided with seeing your ex-boyfriend happy with another woman. So once my ex saw that I was happy again, I felt like I had taken all of that negative energy and tossed it back into her corner.

    Posted by Don | December 26, 2013, 10:05 AM
    • Thanks for your comment Don. I like your comparison and I am sure it will help other readers as well. Blocked number huh. It’s the third time I am hearing of an ex using blocked number. Glad you eventually found your happiness.

      Posted by K Thompson | December 26, 2013, 9:41 PM
    • @Don Love your commentary!! I especially love #5. One of my favorite mottos is “Success is the best revenge.” That will pretty much get you through ANY situation. You’ll always come out on top and you’ll use that energy towards making yourself better, which will only make your ex regret ever leaving. Good job!

      I tend to cut off all ties. See my article “Unconventional Ways To Get Over Your Ex.” Lol I actually do this stuff…

      Posted by 30thoughts | December 26, 2013, 9:50 PM
      • Yes, I agree, success is the best revenge. We should also add that once success has been achieved, for added effect, one should resist the urge to “show up the ex.” And what I mean by this: let’s say the two of you are walking together at the mall and you happen to bump into your ex. I’m sure the first thought is rub the relationship all in that person’s face. Of course. Lol. But there is a way to accomplish without embarrassing yourself or your mate. All one has to do is establish eye contact with the ex, then wink and smile…

        I believe that goes back to number 2 on Kevin’s list where he spoke about rewarding yourself.

        Posted by Don | December 28, 2013, 12:14 AM

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